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October, 2008:

My Eyes are Bigger Than My Freezer

Oct 31st, 2008
by Margaret.
53 comments

As usual, I walked into the grocery store intending to “buy just a few things”, spend maybe fifty bucks, and be out of there in ten minutes. I’m not sure why after years of failing to get in and out for less than a hundred smackers, I continue to delude myself.

I always opt for the hand-held basket, because I surely don’t need a whole cart. I mean, I’m only shopping for the two of us. How much could I possibly think I need? And then somewhere between the produce section and aisle 9, I’m abducted by aliens, and an hour later I’m standing in the checkout line with my fingers about to fall off from the hundred pound basket I’m carrying.

A couple of days ago I came home bogged down with twelve bags of groceries when out of one of the bags flew this item that refused to fit into the freezer:

It’s not like we have some college dorm-room freezer. And it’s not like I picked this up at Costco, whose membership generally requires that you own a second industrial-sized freezer out in the garage and by the way, they don’t have hand-held baskets; you have to wield a flatbed on wheels around the store.

In any event, you can probably guess what we had for dinner that night.

* * *

Speaking of weapons of mass mastication, last week we went to a birthday dinner party at a restaurant whose name perfectly describes this country’s unhealthy relationship with food: Fats. (I’m not kidding)

As I have not written a post in honor of Halloween today, I can offer pictures of the birthday cakes we got for the previously mentioned party:

 
 

The second cake? That, dear readers, is a spider. Mmmmm. Yummy.

Visually Challenged NGIP Reader is Offended

Oct 29th, 2008
by Margaret.
47 comments
Dear Nanny Goats In Panties,

I am offended, Sir or Madam, by your reckless matchmaking of a one-eyed dog and one-eyed cat in your post entitled “Long Distance Relationships: Do They Work?” dated October 27, 2008. You have managed to undo in one day what my organization has spent years trying to accomplish.
I’ll have you know that we are many in number. Have you no compassion? Did you even think for one minute that another single-eyed animal would prove more compatible for Wink? No, without even batting an eye, so to speak, you egregiously assumed that Ringo was “the one” for Wink. A cat, I might add, labeled by one of your astute readers as “a used car salesman”.
Where are your scruples? Where are your focus groups? On what data did you base your analysis?
I strongly urge you to recant your rush to conduct what is incontrovertibly a hasty hook-up, and consider other potential candidates immediately.
Signed,
Pippa
President and Co-Founder of The Boisterous and Loud Internal Nuthouse Department (B.L.I.N.D.)
P.S. I have enclosed my picture for your consideration.
P.P.S. I am 5 years old and have an agreeable demeanor. I enjoy laughing, wild oats, and fine wines.

goat one eye

(Photo courtesy of Goat Yoda over at Glastonbury Farm)

* * *

Meanwhile, other readers are lauding Nanny Goats. THANK YOU to the following bloggers for the following awards:

The Gold Paw Award from Dennis over at Dennis The Vizsla

The Butterfly Award from Robyn over at Robyn’s Online World

The “I Love Your Blog” Award from JenniferSusan over at Amongst Other Things

From Midlife Mama over at Midlife Musings

Long Distance Relationships: Do They Work?

Oct 27th, 2008
by Margaret.
65 comments

I don’t know how many of you remember meeting Wink back in July.

Wink is a petite, lusciously soft-haired, one-eyed beauty. She likes long walks on the beach, sophisticated conversation, and hardwood floors.

Yesterday I met this handsome devil:

Helloooooo Kitty!

This middle-aged bachelor, enjoys lounging in the sun, and can hold his own when discussing Bach or Nietszche.

His name is Ringo and he’s all man. The best thing about Ringo is that he’s too sexy for his fur and doesn’t even know it. He likes to have a good time, but also has his quiet side.

And he knows how to vogue. Here’s one for the ladies:

Rawrrrrrr! Doesn’t this just scream Electricity?

The moment I met Ringo, I knew he’d be a perfect match for Wink. The only problem is that Wink resides in Hermosa Beach, while Ringo cribs it in Sacramento. That’s a 400+ mile separation. Not a desirable thing on those cold and lonely nights.

Perhaps one night, when it’s raining cats and dogs, destiny will bring them closer together.

Who Says Size Doesn’t Matter?

Oct 24th, 2008
by Margaret.
56 comments

Last week, while test marketing my patented re-usable Kleenex™ with the local men of Schnauz Lodge #492, I saw this billboard:

Wow! A forty-two foot TV? Who doesn’t want to win one of those? Mr. Nanny Goats and I have decided to enter this contest because if they’re giving away one a day for a month, that’s…that’s…well you figure it out. In any case, it’s a lot, so we’re pretty much guaranteed to win.

The problem is, our place is too small, so yesterday we bought a warehouse down by the loading docks at the Port of Sacramento. Escrow on our new digs closes next week.

And just in time for the holidays! You know those Christmas tree places where you hunt down your own fir growing the forest? We’re going to yank one out of the ground that’s at least 300 years old and plant that sucker in our new front yard.

For the backyard, we’ll install an Olympic-sized swimming pool and bid to host the next summer trials. We’ll invite Michael Phelps over for tea and a swim. I’m sure we can depend on him to put in a good for us at the IOC.

You’re probably wondering how we’re going to decorate our not-so-humble abode. Easy - we’ll festoon it with big things. Gigantic things. Guinness Book of World Record things.

We are so winning this TV.

Goat Link of the Day

Thanks to Kat of Poetikat for pointing me to this:

Hellooooooo Nurse!

Rhea of Texas World Tangle has more where that came from. And if you’re still jonesing for goats, she posted more pics on Thursday here.

Texas World Tangle is not giving away 42-foot TVs, but she is hosting a giveaway for a stir-fry pan and jambalaya mix. Go here for more details. And hurry, the giveaway ends tonight (Friday).

Apolitical Blog Gets Enthusiastic about the Election

Oct 22nd, 2008
by Margaret.
1 comment

You know, I’ve been so busy lately what with waxing the scales on Gerard, my iguana, every day. And then there’s all the elephant dung in the backyard that needs curing, packaging, and shipping to Venezuela.

When this year’s General Election materials came in, I figured since there was no way I was going to get down to the polls, I would Vote By Mail. And who has time to read all that sample ballot crap?

In the interest of saving valuable time, I voted YES on everything. Including the President. I don’t know about you, but I believe we should have one.

I was raised to consider voting a very personal issue, so I know I shouldn’t be blabbing about my personal political opinions, but I feel that voting is so important. It’s our right as American citizens and every vote counts, so I thought I’d share my positions with you to demonstrate that I’ve exercised those rights.

When I saw all the names and propositions and measures, I got so excited, I wanted to shout YES, YES a thousand times YES! But there were only a couple dozen items to vote for, so I made a bunch of copies until I had a thousand YESs and slapped a good ol’ US of A postage stamp on each one and mailed those babies.

And man, it warmed my heart to participate in democracy. As I walked down my little version of Main Street, USA to the corner mailbox, I took stock of my life and realized what it meant to be an American.

Shoving the last ballot down the blue gullet of the United States Postal Service, I vowed that I would never forget that I lived in a country where my voice could be heard with a thousand checkmarks. What other country allows that kind of freedom?

So remember kids: vote early, vote often, and God Bless America.

* * *

Goat Link of The Day


Shannon over at Welcome to the Nuthouse had a couple of Jehovah Goatnesses the other day. Okay, not really, but if you want to know the real story, click HERE for Part 1. She posted Part 2 today.

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