November, 2009:

Debate about how to pronounce the upcoming years is heating up. I mean, we’ve been chugging along since the new millenium with “Two Thousand, Two Thousand One, etc.” and all of a sudden some people out there will be changing this pattern in January with “Twenty Ten”. The International Olympics Committee and Vancouver 2010  are officially referring to this winter’s Olympics in Vancouver as the “Twenty Ten Olympics”. And then there are those who feel the pronounciation will not convert to “twenty-something” until 2011.

How did we get into such a mess? Last century we were pretty consistent with, for example, 1909 and 1910 as “Nineteen Oh Nine” and “Nineteen Ten”. So why the problem this century?

Two words: Stanley Kubrick.

Say “2001: A Space Odyssey”. Go ahead, say it. You’re saying “Two Thousand One”, aren’t you…AREN’T YOU????

So we can blame the marketing wizards behind this Hollywood production for mucking us up now. We were brainwashed into saying “Two Thousand One” since 1968, which is pronounced, by the way, as “nineteen sixty-eight”. As opposed to “One Thousand Nine Hundred Sixty-Eight” (and don’t get me started on whether or not there is an “and” before the “sixty-eight” - you should have learned all that in Consumer Ed. class when you learned how to write checks - oh, I should point out that checks are little pieces of paper that you sometimes see little old ladies slowly pulling out of their pocketbooks in front of you at the grocery check-out line about 5 minutes AFTER the checker has told her how much her total is.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, 2010. And while the Hollywood do-as-I-sayers would have you believe that you pronounce it as “Two Thousand Ten”, the Olympic Committee will have no more of this crap and have worked tirelessly to promote the “Twenty Ten” Olympics. These are the same language nazis who forgave us our “Two Thousand” transgressions when Y2K first appeared, but who now refuse to understand why we didn’t next follow suit with “Twenty Ought One”, “Twenty Ought Two”,…etc.

Well, Mr. Olympic Committee Chairperson Snobby McSnobberson, I don’t think you “ought” to tell us how to pronounce our own language. I think you “ought” to mind your own beeswax. In fact, you “ought” to feel lucky we will even watch your stupid two-week long TV show, or miniseries, or whatever that overly-sponsored global sporting event thing that you have is.

And while I have you on the line, Mr. McSnobberson, what the heck is the Skeleton event? And can you use “skeleton” like a verb? Can you go skeletoning? And while you’re at it, maybe you “ought” to tell us how to pronounce it.

Hey, I forgot to tell you guys last week that I met Gladys from Gladys Tells All when she blew through Sacramento. I love meeting fellow bloggers. I realize I risk my life meeting them in person, and I probably shouldn’t agree to being dropped off blind-folded in a dark cat-pee-stained alley, but I’m kind of desperate for friends and lucky for me, Gladys was awesome!