January, 2012:

Do you have this crazy notion in your town? The one where the sign tells you that you have to park BACKWARDS????

Yeah, that’s right. You must park backwards. Er, excuse me… “back-in only angled parking”.

Who ever heard of such a thing?

Nevertheless, I followed the stupid sign. Although, you could totally miss it. Do you see the sign in this picture?

Nobody’s going to see the sign and even though the parking spots are angled for you to back in instead of swinging around to pull in forward, and even though a few people get it, many people don’t.

All these people above (except me on the very left) are totally breaking the law. In fact, I submit that anybody parking there the correct way are only doing so because they learned the law via parking ticket.

There must be some reason for marking the street in this manner and when I say “street”, I mean one single street for one single block in all of “The Grid” that makes up 1st thru 29th Streets between A to W Streets in downtown/midtown Sacramento. I don’t see this silly business happening anywhere else in town except for this one block.

This block (I want to say it’s on 28th between R and S, you know, over by Temple Coffee and Revolution Wines but don’t hold me to that) is either a test market for what will eventually spread throughout the city, becoming the new WTF Freaky Parking Law, because Sacramento is desperate to become the national leader in something so why not this… or, it’s a conspiracy to raise funds for the city because as you can see, half the people who park there do so illegally and at that rate, Sacramento can finally buy that fur coat its always wanted.

Oh sure, you could say it’s a safety thing, but who cares about safety, really?

When I pulled in backwards and got finished taking those pictures, I saw the parking enforcement scooter baby car putt-putt thingie coming around the corner getting ready to swoop in like a vulture with his Barney Fife swagger and the parking ticket voucher pad in his holster.

I walked into Revolution Wines where our mostly-monthly writer’s social event (aka Writers Who Wine) occurs and I approached a friend of mine:

“Say,” I said, even though nobody talks like that in real life, “is that little red car yours?”

She looked me in the eye as if I were psychic and told her something her late great great grandfather said that only she and he would know. “…yes?…,” she warily replied.

I explained about the new WTF Freaky Parking Law for that one block and how Barney Fife had already begun unholstering his parking ticket voucher pad and don’t bother running out there you’re paying for that spot now you may as well keep it there.

The previous month, Barney Fife was at it as well and it prompted a Facebook post from one of us about getting a ticket, so the next month, I had my camera at the ready. I knew I had to tell you guys about it and ask you if your town has such a thing as backwards parking, er, back-in only angled parking (with the step-by-step instructions on the sign and everything) and if they do, do they have it for .000001% of your city as well?

Later that evening when I left, sure enough, Barney Fife had left behind a gift for all the outlaws like a cat leaves a barely alive grasshopper in one’s bedroom for one to step in when one crawls sleepily out of one’s bed.