I’m lying on the cold table wearing underwear, socks and a robe made of grey astronauty material. The Lurch-like X-ray Lab technician darts in and out between positioning me and avoiding the life-shortening X-rays.
At some point, he begins running his hand up and down my back and asks me, “Um, do you have anything inside you? Like from a surgery or something?”
“What? No.”
More feeling up and down my back. More trips back and forth to the side room.
“Something is showing up, but I can’t figure out what it is, like you have a thing in you.”
More feeling up and down.
“Ah haaa!”, he exclaims. “There’s something in your robe.”
He pinches a piece of robe at my back and tells me to get up and go back to the dressing room. He follows behind me with his hand at my back like it’s a hostage situation. One wrong move as we walk down the hallway, nodding at passersby, and I could lose my robe. He could just flick his wrist. Or stop in place as I kept walking.
When we get to the dressing room, he tells me to pinch where he’s pinching (God only knows what that looked like to everyone) and here’s another robe and go take this robe off and come back out and give it to him.
So I do.
But not before I take a picture, of course. I’m scrambling for my cell phone as he’s waiting outside, wondering what the bleep is taking me so long.
When I finally come out in a new robe, and show him this whatever-it-is, explaining that I had to take a picture of it first and then wondering if he was wondering that I was doing it for some crazy litigious reason, I went on to explain that I was a blogger and I always take pictures of things because you never know and it was probably better if I just didn’t say anything at all because sometimes, less is more.
Anyway, he examines the sticky blob with something sharp poking out and tells me it’s a wire that must have gotten stuck on there in the laundry.
And either for cost reasons, or true concern for my health, he decided against doing the X-rays all over again since he could make a note about the wire.
Or maybe he thought I was some liability sue-happy hypochondriac and wanted me out of there before I could start claiming whiplash.
Are you sure it isn’t a Star Trek transporter device?
Wires, robes, rays…. it all fits.
Now why didn’t I think of that? That’s just brilliant, Mulled Vine.
Not all of us x-ray techs look like Lurch. Just sayin’.
By the way, you’re lucky you got a robe. When I was working, it was open back gown or nothing. lol
Oh, you’re right! I was lucky there. 🙂
“…his hand at my back like it’s a hostage situation…” Hysterical!!!!
And gee, that’s kinda, um, creepy. Don’t they give fresh gowns with x-rays. And are you okay???
xo jj
They are supposed to be fresh. But I guess he was trying to explain if something got stuck in the laundry machine with the gowns or something – I don’t know.
And I’m fine – thanks for asking!
Apparently, I’m the only one wondering why you were getting X-rays in the first place. Are you okay, my friend?
I’m with Jayne. The wiry blob was definitely an interesting scenic point — completely worth pulling off the road for the pictures — but I’m curious about our final destination. Is everything else where it’s supposed to be?
Wishing you good health and no more unidentified blobs.
Yeah yeah, I ‘m good. Nothing too serious. Jut old age back pain, I guess.
Don’t talk to me about old age. You’re a damn puppy! Hope the back pain subsides. Hugs.
Now that is just creepy finding a wiry blob in your gown. I think you totally freaked out the doc the minute you said you had a camera phone. He is thinking there might be something that could get him into trouble. You were in such a powerful position at that point. Really, you should of negotiated some free services.
I would have so much more free stuff in life if I were more “that” way.
I’ve noticed a distinct rise in twitchiness when blogs are mentioned during medical testing. Especially when cameras are also employed. Wonder why that is…I mean, I thought everyone wanted to be internet famous. *grin*
I know, right? People should totally see the whipping out of one’s cell phone camera as an “opportunity”.
I don’t want to be the one to set off a full scale panic here, but I can’t be the only one who, immediately upon seeing gooey wires stuck to you, thought “Alien implants!” Seen any bright lights lately? Any hours missing? Any big-headed, green, gangly, 3-fingered creatures creeping around your neighbourhood recently?
Alien implants! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? And I was blaming all the lost track of time on aging. Silly me. I feel way better it was merely alien abductions. Man, I hope I’m conscious for the next one. I’d like to get a shot of those guys. And maybe even do an interview.
I’ve found worse things dangling from my gown. Sometimes in my cornflakes.
Yikes, Indigo! That sounds….interesting. And also possibly blog worthy with a photo. I don’t know what that means.
Hah! I daren’t, not in front of the goats! By the way, is this first-person, present-tense entry a tribute to my own blogging idiom?! I’m just asking 😉 Indigo x
If there is anything I hate, it’s a gooey thing on my robe. (Unless I know what it is and exactly how it got there. Then it’s okay.)
Ha! Wait, my mind went to a dirty place. Was that bad?
No. It’s good you realized we were talking about what coudld be constured as a dirty place.
Never underestimate the search for blog fodder.
Mmmm, fodder
🙂