Before this upcoming biblical proportion storm arrives and kills us all, I just want to tell you that I loved you and it was fun and I don’t regret anything. Except for that pink rabbit-themed hot tub party in Brother Dinklemeyer’s gazebo where we all got naked, went crazy with Instagram and lost our jobs. I regret that. I’m so embarrassed about the whole thing, bringing a fuschia rabbit. I mean really, who does that?
But that’s not why I brought you here today. Today I want to talk about real men.
Real men make things. They make things. With their hands.
“Make” is a wonderful and creative word. It applies to artists and craftsmen and TV shows. Some TV shows value making things so much, they put it in their name: How It’s Made, to name one.
How It’s Made reveals how all kinds of things are built, manufactured etc. Everything from pencils to super cars.
I don’t watch it but I can’t help catch parts of it now and again because my husband likes to stare at it for hours and hours. And whatever channel it’s on (Discovery? Science? The Dirty Hands channel?), holds marathons of the show. All. The. Time.
The men (and women) in this show are actual people doing their job. They are not pretty or skinny like Hollywood. And they have real work hands with greasy fingers and scuffed nails.
Oh, there it is. Right there on the screen. The Science Channel. Duh.
Meanwhile, the show is sponsored by such products as Sears Craftman tools where not-real men tell you how awesome these tools are. Tools that go around corners and shoot laser beams and make coffee.
And the guy in the commercial who is “allegedly” using these Sears Craftsman tools? Not an ounce of pudge or speck of dirt anywhere to be found.
This guy wouldn’t know a hammer if it hit him.
Commercials are supposed to relate to their audience, so I figure the advertising wizards assume that a good portion of their target market consists of yuppie weekend warriors, he-man wannabees with the meticulous fingernails of CEOs and the hair of underwear models.
It’s like these commercials are the romance novels of bathroom breaks.
Or something like that.
There is more to being a “real man” than just making stuff, Marg. Doesn’t it also involve knowing how to look “spruce” by only partially shaving? Or how far to roll up the sleeves of your flannel shirt to look cool? Or to guzzle milk right from the plastic gallon container at night while the frige door is open? Or how to belch so it is attractive? There is a lot more to being a “real man” than you mention, Marg, or than your husband exhibits by TV hypnoticism! Peace and Love in the new year.
Merry Christmas, Margaret. I’m not a fan of “How Things Are Made” but my husband also likes it. He also liked “Dirty Jobs,” which grew on me. But he’s a “do it yourselfer” and has flooded the kitchen floor at least once trying to fix a pipe.
I don’t like pitchmen who haven’t had experience in what they’re pitching. Do you really think Mr. Clean knows anything about kitchen floors?
So we want real men who actually fix and make things with their hands, but we want them to look like the “real” men in the commercials. I totally get that.
It’s like that virgin in the kitchen, whore in the bedroom thing. Maybe. But for guys.
Seems fair.
Margaret, you are such an original! I adore that about you!
Awww, thanks, Linda. 🙂
That was a cute little intro to your post. Yeah, real men, and real women too, get messy when making stuff.
Thank you, Terra. And that kind of messy is a good thing. Actually, when is messy a bad thing, really?
Make stuff with my hands? I’ve got a guy for that. Great work at decent prices.
Naked hot tub parties? You’re quite the little swinger.
I wish I were a more of a maker than a hirer myself. If the apocalypse comes I’ll be useless.
Do they build barns? I need a new barn. One just for me. I am tired of sharing with those other goats.
You, my goaty friend, totally deserve your own barn.
I’d like to hear a lot more about that hot tub party. Photo illustrations would be helpful, frankly.
Unfortunately, the FBI confiscated the photos. Would a rough watercolor sketch do?
My husband watches those shows, too. Too many of those in a row and I’m asleep.
Yeah, that guy probably wouldn’t know a hammer and certainly wouldn’t know what a drill bit is. Haha.
A drill bit! Ha. Now I wish I’d said drill bit. Dang.