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June, 2008:

Nanny Goats Dips Hoof into Shallow Waters

Jun 28th, 2008
by Margaret.
12 comments

Hollywood enjoys an abundance of boobs on sticks and if that’s what you are looking for (and who isn’t?), just go to some trendy, Daily-Candy-featured, celebrity-owned restaurant and take a gander at the bar area.

I recently met a friend of mine at the hip-and-happening-right-now restaurant called Beso near Hollywood and Vine. Some of you may be interested to know that celebrity chef Todd English owns this place, while the rest of you, you who seek the boobs-on-sticks chicks, may be interested to know that Eva Longoria is also part owner. This lofty, drafty, dark and noisy space has some of the most comfortable chairs I’ve ever had the luxury in which to plant my ass.

I can’t remember what sophisticated term they used for the bar (something like “cocktail lounge”), but the high-heeled waitresses spent every free-hand moment surreptitiously yanking down their spandexy mini-skirts. There were a LOT of women to stare at in this place, posing around the bar and in the dining area, yet they made up the majority of the customers. You’d think there was a war on (I know there is a war on, but I’m talking about the World War II kind where all the men were drafted, leaving every American town somewhat manless.) But last night, in this shallow sea, any fisherman could have sailed in without bothering to hook bait or weigh anchor. Just throw your rod in and pull out a one night keeper.

My editor/writer friend was there to review the place for her magazine, so wine and food pairings were paraded onto our table. For her, this is something routine and she yawned about it while I was a little kid in a candy store, trying to contain my excitement over the brief glimpse of how the .01 percent of this country live. She would comment on how the Cava Spanish Champagne paired nicely with the Squash Blossom over Heirloom Tomatoes over something the server referred to as a quesadilla that was more of a cheese-filled crepe thingy, while I sat there, inadequately prepared to offer even two cents worth of discussion, reduced to asking, “What’s a squash blossom?”

We gabbed for three hours over five beautifully presented courses plus dessert, each accompanied with a new set of silverware and separate glass of alcohol (beginning with cocktails, continuing with various wines and finishing with port). It was delicious as hell, but no “fine-living” magazine restaurant review would be so gauche as to put it in such terms. Sophisticated reviews will use words like gastronomy and bouquet and discerning, whereas I would tend to throw out slurped and gorged and belched and probably, spilled.

I would certainly recommend this place and its Latin fusion menu (perhaps you would be tempted to try Eva’s Homemade Tortilla Soup), but do NOT get me started on the valet parking where you must immediately fork over $10 before even handing them your keys.

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NGIP would like to thank Mrs. G at Derfwad Manor for adding us to her blog roll. (You will find us under “California Derfs”). Derfwad Manor is one of your better sources for hystericality.

And a big shout out goes to Alessia at Musings from the Crypt for adding Nanny Goats to her blog roll. We are now part of the crypt crew! Woo Hoo!…Hey, that rhymes.

Also, please click this Humor Blogs link to see where Nanny Goats currently ranks on Humor-Blogs.com

Nanny Goats In Panties Makes History (Channel)

Jun 24th, 2008
by Margaret.
6 comments

That’s right. Nanny Goats In Panties is featured on The History Channel.

Well, actually it’s the History Channel Website.

See, zero score and four years ago, these two dudes walk into the forum. The message forum, that is (as opposed to some Mel Brooks joke). One dudes asks the other dude if, well, here. I’ll show you:

Ancient China vs. Rome
Posted: Nov 13, 2004 1:04 PM (1 of 213)
If a hypothetical war occoured between the Roman Empire at its height, and the Chinese Empire at its height, who would win. I say China, but I would like to hear your opinions.

Two hundred twelve posts and three and a half years later, some random dude asks:

Re: Ancient China vs. Rome
Posted: Jun 20, 2008 3:57 PM (212 of 213)

Would goats be forced to wear panties?

Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?

You are more than welcome to go to the post to try to figure out why either of these questions were asked, because I don’t see how the Huns and Mongolia would inspire someone to inquire about goats.

Neverthless, it’s the now famous response to the above question that launched Nanny Goats In Panties to the fame it enjoys today:

Re: Ancient China vs. Rome
Posted: Jun 21, 2008 4:44 AM (213 of 213)

lol that reminds me of this website http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/

And then, ladies and gentleman, a star was born. The question is, do I feel elated that this blog was put out there to attract all the world’s history buffs to NGIP, where they would be wooed by my unrelenting gift to raise the mundane to poetic platitudinal proportions? Or am I deflated because the mere mention of my blog brought the nearly four year conversation to a screeching halt?

Also, did you notice how this guy sort of cheated, claiming that the dude’s seemingly nonsequitor question about goats in panties, “reminded” him of my blog? Because it didn’t. I saw the google search he did on “goats be forced to wear panties” which in turn led him to the NGIP lair.

On the other hand, did you notice how I sort of cheated, claiming that Nanny Goats has become an overnight star thanks to the History Channel? Actually, it wasn’t so much cheating as it was exaggerating, misleading, and to some degree, lying. I assume they won’t hold that against me, once they’ve discovered the gold mine that is the penned brilliance on this blog. It’s all just show business, right?

You know, we famous cable television celebrities have to play the game to stay in it. I mean, the fans may stretch the truth a bit, but we should accept it and at times even find it flattering. I expect at some point soon, The History Channel will approach me to write and produce a highly successful, allegedly nonscripted, reality show about the fierce and dangerous world of locksmithing. Either that or the equally tension-filled and dramatic, historical documentary about copy machine repairmen as told through a seasickening hand-held camera - doesn’t the mere thought of it make you nauseous already?

It’s only a matter of time before I hear from them, and when I do, I will cull my cast from the message forums on their very website. It’s that whole, “I’ll scratch my back, you scratch yours” philosophy that makes Hollywood what it is today, God bless ’em.

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Nanny Goats In Panties would like to throw a shout out to Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars for adding NGIP to his “My Favorite Places” blog roll. Thank you Crotchety Old Man!

And don’t forget to click on this Humor-Blogs link to check our current ranking. A click is a vote for Nanny Goats!

Dear Termite: Congrats on that Bug Of The Year Award

Jun 22nd, 2008
by Margaret.
10 comments

Doesn’t it seem like only yesterday when I was showing you all the bugs I had in the house?

Hey, how many of you remember this picture from six months ago?

Yeah, that was when it was our turn to be the neighborhood pariah, kinda like in the 70s when your kid got lice or he came out of the closet: “Don’t go near him, Timmy!” Other mothers slinked past you, clutching their own children and staring down their noses with disgust because it would NEVER happen to THEM.

So anyway, my condo building in L.A. got gassed in January. And we paid a bazillion dollars for a SIX year warranty. Which was actually kinda cool because it also killed all the other dang bugs hanging out and exhibiting themselves like flashers every couple of days.

But then LAST WEEK, one of the neighbors in our five-unit building found termites coming out of a pipe in her ceiling, and promptly called Terminix. They came out and said something along the lines of:

“Oh, those are subterRAINian termites. We treated you for the OTHER kind of termites in January. Yeah, THESE termites are different. And for half a bazillion dollars (a discount, since we were just here in January) we can come out and take care of these NEW and DIFFERENT little critters. And for just a few hundred dollars more, you can get the FOUR year warranty, blah, blah, blah…”

and THAT ladies and germs, is how they get you.

Tune in next season when Terminix discovers a new species: the STRATOSPHERE termites.

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Nanny Goats would like to thank Charlene over at So, What You’re Saying Is… for adding NGIP to her blog roll. She’s a fellow Humor-Blogs member (and a high school drama teacher) who taught me that Loonie is a Canadian dollar, which as you know, is equivalent to about 14 of our American dollars.

And speaking of Humor-Blogs, please click on this Humor-Blogs link to check our current ranking. A click is a vote for Nanny Goats!

Hi Jim, Nice To Meet You. Uh, What’s Your Name Again?

Jun 21st, 2008
by Margaret.
16 comments

Mr MudPuppy and I hit Starbucks almost every night. I mean, why stand in an epic line of impatient commuters shaky from withdrawal during the morning rush hour when you can save all kinds of time getting that caffeine buzz just before you go to bed?

Since we contribute to the national landfill with those daily cups, I started thinking, why not save those little cup sleeves and bring them in for reuse with our nightly jolt? And because we are so forgetful in our middle-age, we leave them right by the door. Like this…

And here we are a week later…

So now we wear them on our wrists. Like Wonder Woman. Deflecting the bullets shot by hovering tree huggers for not living environmentally friendly. They also hang around waiting to antagonize us after we’ve sailed past the the green reusable grocery bags that we keep on top of the garbage can, next to the garage door.

You know, so we won’t forget them…

Pitchforks and Torches and Mob Scenes, Oh My

Jun 20th, 2008
by Margaret.
8 comments


Paperlessness is next to Godliness, or something like that. In a world where you risk your life and limb with bloody paper cuts and letter opener stab wounds, you do what you can to reduce the paperage.

I no longer watch how high my check numbers climb (unlike my pageload views), because I’m all about the online banking now. I don’t want to see any more paper bills if given the option.

So when Citibank offered their “All-Electronic Program”, I jumped at the chance to reduce my inbox.

This was a few months ago. And yes, I no longer receive a monthly statement in the mail. What I do keep receiving every month is a paper letter that states the following:

Your Citibank statement is now available online. This notification is part of the All-Electronic Program you enrolled in to receive your statements online only instead of in the mail.

At the end of the letter, they hope I continue to enjoy the many benefits of the All-Electronic Program.

Are they referring to the All-Electronic Program that keeps mailing me paper notifications every month? On paper? In the mail? That All-Electronic Program?

What part of “All-Electronic” replaces a statement with a different piece of paper telling me that they are no longer sending me that other piece of paper?

Any fellow Citibank cardholders interested in a consumer vigilante justice movement here?

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Nanny Goats In Panties would like to ask everyone to put their hands together for June Cleaver Nirvana for two reasons:
1. For adding Nanny Goats to her blog roll, and
2. For writing an awesomely entertaining blog. Her recent post about being a fierce camper is not only hilarious, witty, and hysterical, but it’s also funny.

And don’t forget to click here to see how we’re ranking on Humor-Blogs. A click is a vote for Nanny Gotas!

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