Nanny Goats Dips Hoof into Shallow Waters

Hollywood enjoys an abundance of boobs on sticks and if that’s what you are looking for (and who isn’t?), just go to some trendy, Daily-Candy-featured, celebrity-owned restaurant and take a gander at the bar area.

I recently met a friend of mine at the hip-and-happening-right-now restaurant called Beso near Hollywood and Vine. Some of you may be interested to know that celebrity chef Todd English owns this place, while the rest of you, you who seek the boobs-on-sticks chicks, may be interested to know that Eva Longoria is also part owner. This lofty, drafty, dark and noisy space has some of the most comfortable chairs I’ve ever had the luxury in which to plant my ass.

I can’t remember what sophisticated term they used for the bar (something like “cocktail lounge”), but the high-heeled waitresses spent every free-hand moment surreptitiously yanking down their spandexy mini-skirts. There were a LOT of women to stare at in this place, posing around the bar and in the dining area, yet they made up the majority of the customers. You’d think there was a war on (I know there is a war on, but I’m talking about the World War II kind where all the men were drafted, leaving every American town somewhat manless.) But last night, in this shallow sea, any fisherman could have sailed in without bothering to hook bait or weigh anchor. Just throw your rod in and pull out a one night keeper.

My editor/writer friend was there to review the place for her magazine, so wine and food pairings were paraded onto our table. For her, this is something routine and she yawned about it while I was a little kid in a candy store, trying to contain my excitement over the brief glimpse of how the .01 percent of this country live. She would comment on how the Cava Spanish Champagne paired nicely with the Squash Blossom over Heirloom Tomatoes over something the server referred to as a quesadilla that was more of a cheese-filled crepe thingy, while I sat there, inadequately prepared to offer even two cents worth of discussion, reduced to asking, “What’s a squash blossom?”

We gabbed for three hours over five beautifully presented courses plus dessert, each accompanied with a new set of silverware and separate glass of alcohol (beginning with cocktails, continuing with various wines and finishing with port). It was delicious as hell, but no “fine-living” magazine restaurant review would be so gauche as to put it in such terms. Sophisticated reviews will use words like gastronomy and bouquet and discerning, whereas I would tend to throw out slurped and gorged and belched and probably, spilled.

I would certainly recommend this place and its Latin fusion menu (perhaps you would be tempted to try Eva’s Homemade Tortilla Soup), but do NOT get me started on the valet parking where you must immediately fork over $10 before even handing them your keys.

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NGIP would like to thank Mrs. G at Derfwad Manor for adding us to her blog roll. (You will find us under “California Derfs”). Derfwad Manor is one of your better sources for hystericality.

And a big shout out goes to Alessia at Musings from the Crypt for adding Nanny Goats to her blog roll. We are now part of the crypt crew! Woo Hoo!…Hey, that rhymes.

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