Opus McGee, Private Eye

On Friday at approximately 11pm, I made contact with the target during a reconnaissance flight over the World Wide Web: one Mr. Jeff Corriveau, or The Pen Man, as the project file refers to him.

My client, a rich widow who shall remain nameless pays me astronomical sums of money to procure information about The Pen Man and his dealings in the art world. She didn’t tell me what her relationship was with him and I didn’t ask. She ensured my placement next to him in the cockpit of a stealth internet jet on a seemingly routine mission.

The Pen Man was disguised as a pilot. I was disguised as a co-pilot. It took us several hours to operate the seatbelts, but our very hip aviator sunglasses, mine equipped with the NGIP Nanocam X-3000, remained in place and soon we were cleared for take-off.

My name is Opus McGee. I’m a private investigator.

At a cruising altitude of 34,000 feet, I introduced myself as Lieutenant Captain Colonel Booker T. Snodgrass, a mild-mannered newspaper editor. It was nearly midnight and the whiskey served by the flight attendant, a dame whose name I would find out later was Destiny, went down smooth.

The Pen Man let it slip that he was a newly-syndicated comic strip artist. I knew from my days back in Nam that this was code for “The green moon will set at dawn”.

I decided to go along for the ride. “Oh really?” I said, “Well our local paper could sure use some fresh ink humor.”

I was calling his bluff and he knew it. Sweat began to form and trickle down his right temple. I pressed on, certain he would crack under the pressure. I pulled a pack of Lucky Strikes from the front pocket of my flight suit and lit a cigarette. Then I stared at him as he white-knuckled the controls.

“Are you…any good?” I asked.

“Oh boy, am I!” he reached underneath his seat and pulled out a few drawings. I blinked as fast as I could, snapping the photos, and accomplishing my mission faster than I’d hoped. His poker face gave him away. If he didn’t hurry up and fold, he’d lose all his chips.

By the time we touched down in Sacramento, he had divulged everything.

I must admit, his disguise was clever. He almost had me fooled. His comic strip, Deflocked, happens to be appearing on a trial basis in the Sacramento Bee. Phase 2 of Operation Green Moon is about to begin, and requires your assistance.

It is vitally important to national security that Deflocked be incorporated into the Bee’s funny pages. I urge all Americans, for the sake of this country and the health and welfare of your children, to check out his comics by clicking here. If you agree that it’s better than most of the crap that can only be holding on due to tenure, then go to the SacBee comic forums and say something nice about Deflocked. A vote for Deflocked is a vote for America!

Oh yeah, and that dame, Destiny? She was all wrong for me. She twisted me around like a clown twists long skinny balloons into a giraffe who then discards me into the hands of a ten year old boy who loses me in the Fun House ten minutes later.

But Seriously Folks…

In all seriousness, due or otherwise, Nanny Goats In Panties finds a comrade-in-humor-arms in Jeff Corriveau and wishes for him to succeed one newspaper at a time. The Sacramento Bee Comics editors, whose decision of will-they-or-won’t-they-publish depends on the feedback they see in the forums. If you could make this one-time comment on his behalf, he would appreciate it, NGIP would appreciate it, and America’s funny bone will appreciate it.

Click here to go to the Deflocked samples page.
Click here to go to the SacBee Comic forums.

You’ve been a lovely audience. I’m here all week. And don’t forget to tip your waitresses. Thank you and Good Night.

* * * Nanny Goats Shout Out * * *

A big shout out to the fans for voting Nanny Goats In Panties into the Top 50 rank level over at Humor-Blogs.com. You guys are awesome. You can click here to keep it climbing!

Nanny Goats would also like to thank Abby over at I’m Not Neurotic for adding us to her blog roll. Thanks Abby, you TT crazy girl!