I wish I could highly recommend a restaurant on the long drive through California from Los Angeles to Sacramento, and if I did, it would rhyme with Sin ‘N’ Doubt. But there is only one of those and you have to be hungry by the time you hit that particular mile marker, otherwise you might find yourself, once again, going to Apricot Tree Restaurant even though the food is not all that.
Where is Apricot Tree you ask? I’m glad you asked, because I was just about to tell you. It is in the Fresno-ish part of California on I-5 (or “The Five” if you’re from Southern California.) It’s in a little town called Firebaugh - formerly, Firebaugh’s Ferry. You’re probably wondering why it used to be called Firebaugh’s Ferry. As it happens, there used to be a ferry that took greedy bastards Goldrushers across the San Joaquin River. This was back before bridges. And sidewalks. And black presidents. Also, if any of you are punk rock fans and know of a band called the Circle Jerks, you may recall a song of theirs that goes… “If your car breaks down, don’t take a tow to Firebaugh…”
So now you might be asking yourself, why in the H.E. Double-Hockey Sticks would I stop at such a God-forsaken place? Because of the lunch boxes, of course. And if you’d just quit interrupting me and let me finish my dang story, you’d know why already.
Know what’s on the menu at Apricot Tree? Apricot bread pudding, apricot milkshakes, apricot pie…it’s the Bubba Gump of Apricots. Also? The Whatever Platter….whatever that is. I wouldn’t order that if I were you.
But who cares about the food, I go for the sites. Here, let me show you:
There are all these lunch boxes that line the ceilings.
Hundreds, maybe thousands of ’em.
And thermoses line the booth dividers:
The woman at the table on the other side of those thermoses couldn’t stand it, I guess, and she came around to our table and said something about seeing me take pictures of the lunch boxes and how she had a Woody Woodpecker lunch box when she was a kid and doesn’t this place take you back and blah blah blah.
This kind of thing always sets my husband and I off on a conversation afterwards about how if we approached some stranger and started blathering on about our childhood, they would think we were social misfits or completely crazy. This woman, we thought, was just being nice….or was she? You know, Coalinga State Hospital isn’t too far down the road…{BONG! - cuckoo!… cuckoo!}
Anyway, up near the front, encased in glass, are the special collector’s lunch boxes, like these here:
And if that doesn’t burn your wickie, you can waltz on over to the gift shop and buy yourself some of this crap:
Cause you know, they only have this stuff in Firebaugh, so you HAVE to buy it NOW.
Or perhaps a pelican cookie jar is more up your alley…
And if you still have room for fun, you can always throw a few quarters (or is it dollars now?) in this:
That’s the Apricot tree, 150 miles south of Sacramento (and San Francisco) on I-5. Just keep your eyes peeled for this sign:
And expect food not quite as good as Denny’s.
And I can’t tell you whether or not to order the “Whatever Platter”. It might be best to stick with something apricotty. People seem to LOVE the apricot muffins and apricot pie, but you are kind of risking your life by ordering any type of meal. Reviews vary widely.
While the rest of you are wagging your fingers at me in disapproval, SOME people are rewarding me for my smart-ass, juvenile-at-times, silly behavior. Take for example, Cari over at Not Quite a Fairy Tale. I get all silly up in her comment section and win some yummy Seattle goodies. I have no idea what I’ve won exactly - I guess I’ll have to call Johnny so he can tell me what I’ve won (You know, as in, “Tell her what she’s won, Johnny!” … Ohhhh, did you hear that? That was the death knell of the game show.) So, thank you, Carebear! MWAH!!
[…] wrote a blog post back in 2009 with many more pictures about this place entitled, “Some Restaurants You Don’t Go For the Food. Ever.” Needless to say, we didn’t have lunch […]
You are just too funny woman! I’ve missed coming here. Metal lunch boxes, wow! Talk about a blast from the past…you know I used to have one back when I was…and I used to…hee hee, couldn’t resist that one. Thanks for the warning. We go back and visit family on occasion and will keep this place in mind.
LOL! This is too funny! At least they have some kind of appeal…haha
Thanks for stopping by my blog, I love yours, you crack me up!!! haha
I guess that restaurant and I have King Tut in common . . . AAAAH-HAHAHAHAHA! Are you laughing as hard as I am? I am such a R.I.O.T.!
I’d put pecan sandies in that pelican cookie jar. You know, for the beach connection? AAAAH-HAHAHAHAHA! You are dying right now, aren’t you?
No Pelicans, I hate pelicans, they feak me out. Even fake ones.
OMG! I’ve been looking for a pelican cookie jar. 😉
I had a Roy Rogers and Dale Evans lunchbox…..did I just “out” myself as being OLD?
Hey there Margaret!
What a great post! Those lunch boxes are so cool. lol…too bad the food isn’t the best. Really adorable post…got me to grin a few times!
Thanks for stopping by our blog! I hope to see you there regularly! I know I’ll be checking out your blog. You’ve got a great sense of humor.
What a great place. It’s places like that that add some flavor to our cookie cutter country.
I’m not a big fan of apricots in their natural state…why would you want to eat them all dolled up and pretending to be something else. However hungry or not…I’m ALWAYS stopping for an In and Out. I just wish they had them out here in the East!!!
I may have to take that horrific drive just to visit this Apricot Tree haven. According to my friends, I like to eat crap. I love cafeteria food. I love food machine food. I love airplane food. I love hospital food. So, it would make sense that I would like that Whatever Platter.
… I just may have to try it…
My brother lives in Coalinga. And he’s mighty sick of it. Can you say “Godforsaken”?
Send me one of them there peican cookie jars, would ya? I’m hankerin for it.
Thanks for coming by to my site. Looks like a great place to eat. Love the lunch boxes.
I had a Campus Queen lunch box that I sold on ebay for $65. It had a game on the back and had magnetic game pieces. Sometimes I wish I still had it, but the money was more useful.
You didn’t read the fine print on the sign. It says “Finest Scholck West of Wall Drug”.
Wow, things have changed! Back when my boyfriend was in Sacto and I went to school in San Diego (yeah don’t even count the years) there was NOTHING on I-5 between the 2 except Anderson’s Split Pea Soup. I remember making the trip during gas rationing (yeah it was THAT long ago) and had to wait in line (on the odd numbered day) for at least two hours to get gas. The boyfriend wasn’t worth it either.
I’m not a big fan of apricots in general, but I do love those lunch boxes. I was going to go on and on about my Peanuts metal lunchbox that I still have, but never mind 😉
I must have that pelican cookie jar!
I’m kidding.
Though it would be a good conversation piece. People would be all, “Oh, interesting jar!” and I’d be all, “Yes. Pelican’s rock!”
Those lunchboxes are awesome. I had a Barbie lunchbox when I was little.
Oh and regarding your note on my blog: I’m really tempted to send that second letter. If my husband calls me up and mentions being able to go downtown to RELAX over the weekend then I might. Because what’s this relaxing business and where can I get some??
My brother-in-law has a big collection of lunchboxes and thermoses (thermi?), but not that big. He and my nephew even took a road trip to the Lunchbox Museum in Columbus, GA.
On another note, have you ever heard of Lambert’s Cafe, the Home of the Throwed Roll? http://www.throwedrolls.com/ There is also (or used to be) a restaurant in Arizona, I think, where the waiters would cut off men’s… ties, and hang them on the wall.
It would be fun to run some kind of contest where people could write in about the strangest restaurants they’ve seen. Why don’t you get right on that?
Next trip do the place on 5 just before the Grapevine that sells replica kiddie cars…and nuts…and olives…and fruit…and…
That place looks awesome, and I love California. When I grow up (read: graduate medical school), I’m going to live there, and I have to go see that restaurant. Thanks for the tip-off!
I have to say one of my favorite tex mex restaurants of all time is Dos Coyotes ….
I just found your blog from a link to a link to a link…etc, etc, etc. But I knew I had to keep reading when you mentioned Apricot Tree and their not so great food. My family stopped there on one of our many many drives from San Diego to Sacramento, and it was the worst breakfast we ever had. However, it was so bad that it was hilarious, and we still laugh about that trip. It was just such a small world moment to see you write about it
What, no goat lunchbox? I am shocked. And disappointed…
I was going to try and be gloriously witty, but I think I have a) an infected fingernail or b) an ingrown finger nail. and it hurts. And I am trying to decide if I can get an extension on essays due to a “finger injury” No? Unfortunate.
Carry on with your lunchbox talk.
I had a Smurfs lunchbox!
If I’m ever driving that way, I’ll be sure to stop there and check it out because I’ve been looking EVERYWHERE for a pelican cookie jar!
But I definitely won’t be eating the food, too much apricot is not a good thing!
I must go to this place and just bask in the metallic chill of all those lunchboxes from my childhood …
Hmmm… All those lunchboxes… That would be quite an auction.
what I would give for a Partridge Family Lunch Box . . .
Oh my, my, my- How’d you like to be the one in charge of dusting all that stuff? Oy. I had a “Monkey’s” lunch bog from back in the day. When a friend of mine was online dating a few years ago, she actually went out with one of the original Monkey’s (which he liked to brag about, by the way) so I gave her the lunchbox as a parting gift when they broke up- after two dates. He was a little to “bananas” for her. Thanks for the travel tip
I think that Smurf lunchbox might have been mine once upon a time…. I must, I must, I must have that Tut bust! 😉
I wish chasing a lunch box around was still cool as an adult.
Sounds like a very fun restaurant.
Not as good as Denny’s is there anything as good as Denny’s?
oooh, I used to have a lunch box collection as a teenager…probably because my mom always made me take a sack lunch. sigh.
I am sure I have it somewhere in the attic.
I don’t know why, but I still love ’em? It takes me back to the 70’s and doing skidding turns on my big green machine drinking Tab and Sunkist soda and catching Monarch caterpillars and dragonflies in mason jars. You know, before Californians blasted their yards with pesticides so every good bug died. Sigh.
My kids had a assignment to bring in bugs to school when we lived in the Bay Area. We found one ant, 1 earwig, and one skinny rolly polly after an hour of looking.
If I am ever on 5 again, I’ll check this place out.
Oh, and it’s five, not THE FIVE. Silly southerners. Heh!
Cool place. I must have the King Tut head!
Oh sweet Jesus in a dixie cup….I have died and gone to heaven.
Lunchboxes! O Treasured metal food transportation units of my youth. How I loved thee!!!
I think the kids are missing out these days with their boring insulated LL Bean monogramed canvas totes.
Did you happen to see the Donny & Marie lunchbox? That was the shit back in my day.
Thank you for making me giddy as schoolgirl with this.
Peace - Rene
I remember someone from my elementary school carrying every one of those lunchboxes. Me? I had the Partridge Family one. It came with a David Cassidy shag wig and a Shirley Jones MILF meter (she ranked 3 out of 10).
Heh. I grew up in Firebaugh. Small world, eh?
For the record, though, the Apricot Tree is not actually in Firebaugh. In fact, it’s about 20 miles from the town proper.
Now, if you want some good food that’s actually IN Firebaugh, you can head on down the road a spell to “The Firebaugh Restaurant” (man, are they creative with those names over onthe Westside, or what?) for some authentic home-style Mexican food or over the Jack’s Prime Time for a great French Dip or burger; or to Giant Burger for some yummy thick-cut fries; or, you could always hit the Pizza Factory for a slice. If you wanna hang with the local farmer’s though, try the donut shop around 5:30 a.m.
Bon Appetit!
Well it must be good if it can compete with a McDonald’s right on top of it. I had a metal bus shaped Mickey Mouse lunchbox when I was a little buck-a-roo. It was the kind that came with the thermos that was glass inside, so when you dropped it the thermos was rendered useless. So do they serve your food in lunchboxes or just make you take pictures of them?
Oh, just the thought of the restaurant that rhymes with Sin ‘N’ Doubt makes me wanna hop on a plane for a weekend in Southern California -it’s been 6 years and there is nothin’ even close here in WV!
I once had an NKOTB lunchbox. I am not proud.
That place looks like so much fun! I love quirky themed placeslike that. Of course, I always keep a ton of food in the car cuz it never fails that the wackier a place is, the worse the food is. Hmmm…I wonder why that is….
maybe the food isnt good cuz its the stuff they found in those old lunchboxes
say, did they have an underdog lunchbox? oh that would be great! itd be full of snaks and super energy pills and i could show off to my friends at the park and theyd all be so jealous.
Holy moly - do you know how many times I have been up & down I5 between Stockton & Lompoc…and yet I totally missed this? And it doesn’t look like it’s exactly popped up in the 3 years since I’ve been gone. Hmmm, must be farther down past Harris ranch? That would make sense then, cause we always cut over at Kettleman City to get to the coast.
I’m sad now. And I totally rocked a Smurf Lunchbox back in the day!!
It looks as if your unidentifiable lunch box is supposed to be a fire station.
And I must have that Star Trek lunch box. MUST. HAVE.
That King Tut head? Stylish. You definitely don’t see those every day.
I would have such a hard time not trying to steal something, especially the Galactica box with Starbuck on it-that was Dirk Benedict for you newbies.
But what I wouldn’t want to steal? Anything from the gift shop. How could they not sell freakin’ lunchboxes? I took one look at King Tut and my mental brakes locked up like an 18 wheeler jackknifing on an icy road!
I meant Atom Ant. I was thinking of Adam Lambert I guess. That lunchbox is selling for 150.00 now.
Ha!! Reminds me of the time I packed a oilrig worker’s dinner in an Adam Ant lunchbox. He runs to the fridge, as he was late as usual,only to find Adam Ant. No time to switch over to his big black manly lunchbox. I can still hear the laughter from his co-workers as he climbed into the truck. That was my way of saying, “I’m outta here”.
Great post!
OMG I would love that restaurant…any chance they sell any of those lunch boxes? My brother would DIE for a Dukes of Hazzard lunch box and he is 32!
It may just be my keen intellect at work…
…but I think I sense some sort of “Apricot” theme to this restaurant.
Wow. I’m almost freakishly intuitive.