I don’t know if it’s ignorance, apathy or both, but I never noticed that Sacramento had a County Fair. Maybe it’s just overshadowed by the order-of-magnitude, deeper-fried State Fair in August which is located on the same asphalt jungle we lovingly refer to as Cal Expo. Or maybe it’s overshadowed by the largest jazz festival in the West, originally known as the Sacramento Dixieland Jazz Jubilee, later renamed to the more-inviting Sacramento Jazz Jubilee, and renamed again this year to the more accessible (and therefore, lame) Sacramento Jazz Festival.
Nevertheless, it stands to reason that if there is a State Fair, there ought to be a County Fair here in Sacramento that exhibits stuff like livestock and pies and art entered by children who get bedecked with red, white or blue ribbons with the chance to move on to the State Fair and be judged some more.
We just went for the goats.
Do I need to rant about the fact that it was three dollars to get into the fair, but it was TEN DOLLARS to get into the parking lot? No. I don’t. Because that one is too easy.
This is the entrance to the illustrious event:
You must be no more than this tall (13 feet, 9 inches) to enter this Fair. Which is discriminatory, which is NOT fair, but whatever. Rules are rules.
We made a beeline for the goats. And while I think it’s a nice wholesome activity for children to learn how to take care of animals and how to compete with good sportsmanship and all that, I was not prepared to witness the manipulation of these helpless and innocent animals, such as the removing of ears, just because they are in the way, or they are inconvenient for showing or whatever crazy and heartless reason they have for such violent and atrocious acts.
While my husband kept a lookout, I shot these pictures to expose the torturers for who they are. I will bring them to justice if it’s the last thing I do. I will write my congressman, or whatever it is you do in cases like these. I wanted to vomit, but I soldiered on just to see if there were other suffering animals at this event. Just what the heck kind of Fair is this? It’s not fair to the goats, that’s for sure.
I’m sorry to say, it didn’t get much better. These beautiful furry creatures used to be much taller…
…until their legs were whacked off at the knees. Who DOES this? The mafia. That’s who.
I begged the ten-year old brat who owned this cutie-pie to tell me why he was made to stand in a bucket for hours and hours and you know what that mean, little 4-H child of Satan did?
He looked at me funny. But he didn’t have the nerve to stop me from taking any pictures of his crimes, I can tell you that. Also? I heard his mother call him Guido. “Guido?” she yelled from across the goat prison cells. “Come get your pastrami sandwich!”
What follows can only be described as a modern-day bout of Goaty Gladiators. I should warn you that the next picture is not for the faint of heart. Viewer discretion is advised. This is no different than throwing Christians to the lions, if you ask me. (Notice my references to historical events that occured in Rome. Which is in Italy!)
This is very hard for me to say, but this pitting of goats against chickens in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe is nothing short of heinous. How can you not compare this to the inhumanity of cock-fighting?
I’m sorry to have to be the one to introduce you to the seedy underbelly of the County Fair, and I don’t know if this happens at all county fairs, or just the one in my backyard, but I for one, was outraged.
I couldn’t take any more. Wracked with sobs, I moved on to the other exhibits.
Maybe I was still upset about the goats, but when we got to the rabbits, things over there didn’t seem normal either. I didn’t say anything, though. I didn’t want to arouse suspicion of my Big NGIP Exclusive that would soon be clogging the information super highway, and eventually putting some very serious criminals behind their own sets of bars.
On a completely unrelated note, Marilyn Manson’s new album The High End of Low was released today.
Things were much more colorful outside.
Whoaaaaa! Not so fast. Did you catch that sign on the Diskotek ride? Let’s see if we can get Manny, our camerman, to zoom in on it for us…Manny?
Hmmmm, just as I suspected. You can’t tell me this is a coincidence. What, are we supposed to think those Italians really know how to make a carny ride? Yeah, and they’re real safe, too. Youse pays extra for, shall we say…..protection. An’ if you gotta problem wit dat, you go to da Office of Klownland Suckurity:
The more I looked around, the more I noticed just how much real estate those Romans owned.
How fair is that?
Then we saw a couple of gum-chewing bullies in Armani suits walking toward us smacking baseball bats into their hands and we high-tailed it outta there.
Yeah so anyway I don’t think I’ll be back anytime soon.
No clue if the “no ears” on the goats picture was real or not. But they maim animals for our county fair here in Ohio too. I have seen ears cut off animals, and horns, and other sad things too. I really can’t remember the specifics. I must have blocked it from my mind.
I’m disturbed by the images on the Diskotek ride…particularly the woman in the pink/white striped stockings. She’s looking pretty Dominatrix-like with that idiot “dancing” with her. What kind of discos they got in It-lee anyways?
And what county fair post is this with no pictures of Carnies? The shame.
You slayed me with this whole post. I have to admit that the Tic Tac Toe was brillant.
Seriously…why don’t those goats have ears???
What you need is a little peep hole camera in your fanny pack. Those guys with the baseball bats MIGHT have been on their way to play kitten ball. I won’t go into it here.
Goat torture!!!!!! OH THE HORRA
Darn those goat bobbers! (Is that what you call the people who trim ears and legs?) Someone should put them on a giant medieval rack and stretch them out to 13’10” tall so that they can’t some to the fair anymore. That would be justice.
I’m at outrage at the stereotyping of Italians in this post…
No, not really.
And I love attending all my local state and county fairs, especially for the goats. Oh yes, I love seeing the goats piss and shit on each other in those pens. I’ve even had the privilege of seeing one billy goat fuck another.
Yay!
I just go to fairs for the food. I must get a funnel cake and cotton candy and a turkey leg. My husband is all, “Are you EIGHT or something?” Um no. I imagine there are a lot of grown ups who have to get a funnel cake and cotton candy and a turkey leg at county fairs.
I’ve got something for you at my blog gal! ((Hugs)) :o)
http://redbirdacres.blogspot.com/2009/05/like-im-so-totally-awe-summ-you-know.html
Heinous my dear, heinous.
And have you seen the Bake off? Neighbors pitted against neighbors whilst being forced to wear dowdy attire, lest they take someones eyes off the prize.
I once saw a big fat sow giving birth right there for the world to see. It was gruesome indeed. Fat pig.
The Fair ain’t fair baby, you said it.
OMG, that part about the italian rides? LOL!
What really happened to those goats ears? Cuz I don’t see any ears.
I’m not a fair person, I think they are a rip. Not to mention if I eat there I generally get a stomach ache. I think it’s the food in such close proximity to the animal yuckies.
ummm earless goats
That makes me uneasy …
I think the child named Guido should have been on exhibit!
I burst out laughing at the tic tac toe game
I haven’t been to a fair for ages.
I just wanna know who gave the Rabbitmeister the black eye. Was that you? It’s not nice to take out your anger on the little creatures. Those persecuted goats can fend for themselves. I know, life just ain’t fair.
There once was a goat from LaMancha. . .
Girl, you are totally whacked. You know that, don’t you? But I love the way you take a simple thing like going to the county fair and turn it into some Romanesque animal torturing mafia run racket. You’re my idol.
Earless goats?
Can’t we get them, I dunno, some headbands with a pair of ears attached?…
Just to make them feel better, you know.
Did I say them? I mean me. It would make me feel better. Poor little earless fellows.
hmmm… better check the content of my pigs ears snaks, maybe the chinese are substituting cheaper goats ears in their place
Yikes-earless goats? It reminds me of my favorite Easter comic where there are two chocolate bunnies, and one has a bite taken out of his butt while the other’s ears are bitten off. The first one is saying, “My butt hurts!” and the second is saying, “What?”
So THAT’S why I smelled like lasagna after going on Tilt-a-Whirl.
First Rule of County Fairs - you must eat your way through it. You are not allowed to not eat it if it is on a stick.
Rule Two - stay away from county fairs if you are on a diet.
Rule Three - Do not eat and visit the animal exhibits at the same time
Rule Four - Do not ride whirly twirly rides AFTER eating everything on a stick.
Now a question…
Did they have any fainting goats?
Never thought I’d see a post about Italians taking over the county fair and goats - at the same time. What a wonderfully, bizarre world this blogosphere is. At our local fair my kids loved the goats in the petting zoo, after which we wandered over to Angie’s Jamaican Jerk stand to get some spicy food and guess what was on the menu?!
I would love to go see those cute goats, but I am a little over the height requirement. Darn.
No hairy lady? What kind of a two-bit fair was this?
Loved the de-eared goats.
la la la.
I say you’re on to something there, girl. That bunny is obviously an escapee from the Mary Kay Testing Laboratories. Or Never Land - you’re in California, after all.
Saw your blog on Critique Circle, thought I’d check it out.
You are HILARIOUS! A great inspiration.
Love the goat tic-tac-toe, but the earless goats even more. Or rather, what you made of them…
The publicist, being a city girl, embarassed herself at a county fair in Arizona a few years back. They had just sheared the sheep. She had never seen a shorn sheep. She kept running around yelling, “Hey, look at the naked sheep!”
The male person was VERY ashamed to be seen with her.
Okay, you had me going. I had to enlarge the pictures on the first shot with the missing ears. I thought, what??? 😉 Then I realized what you were up to. Too cute. Those little pygmies made we want to take them home. I miss having goats. Thanks for sharing and all the fun.
I thought you were serious abut the goats without ears. I was just opening my mouth to yell for my kids when I read a little further and it began to dawn on me that maybe you were KIDDING.
I must know: who won the game of Chick Tac Goat?
Goats without ears!
I fainted at a county fair once. The tractor pull. Embarrassing.
“Klownland”? With a “K”? That’s how they spelled it in Soviet Russia I’ll bet …
The little cars in the Italian ride look boxier than most Italian vehicles I’ve seen. Well, except for a few old Fiats.
Why the hell did it say be the first to comment, when I’m actually the 10th?!? Is this some type of cruel Nanny Goat joke?
And I love the County Fair. I actually work for our County, so I get a discount. The highlights include the food and the Freak Show.
Seriously, I had to look up the goats with no ears, freaked me right on out!
I think the little pygmy goats are the sweetest. I was afraid of them when I was a kid because one tried to eat my hair, but I’m taller than they are now, so it’s all good.
If you can rescue the one from the tic tac toe game, I’ll take him home.
You killed me at tic tac toe!
Also, my plan is to agree with everything Joe says. I didn’t see nuttin’.
The chickens will win every time. . .cause I think they multiply faster than the Nanny goats. . .
That was hysterical!
Guido?! Seriously! Who names their 4H child Guido?!
I love the goats and chickens playing tic tac toe!
The county fairs I’ve attended were never run by gum chewing, suit wearing, bat slapping Italians named Guido! Because you know ALL their names were Guido!
OMG…the crimes of non-humanity!! Did that rabbit suffer from eye lid removal as well? Sheesh, and I thought county fairs were simply the governments way of rooting out the weak with the noxious smell of animal feces. Boy, I’ve got to get my facts straight.
Youse complain when the Mafia does stuff like racketeeering, then when we try to go straight, like in goat raising, more complaints. Occasionally we may do some things that appear to be underhanded, but, it’s all we know.
By the way, the goat with the broken kneecaps fell. We had nuttin to do with it.
Hey, is that Adam Lambert in a bunny suit? Nice guyliner there Bugs.
That looks like some fair fare. [giggle] I would definately run from the goons, and I’m packin’. :o)
When you get a chance come by and see my wildflowers post. It has something there just for you … Ok, ok, I’ll squeal. It pertains to goats (sort of).
That tic-tac-toe goat is quite possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.