Today I am celebrating my 503rd post. Why? Because everyone else celebrates on multiples of a hundred and I’m a rebel, man.
Also? What if you announce and make a big deal out of the fact that this is a milestone post, sending whoopie all over cyberspace and then the post itself sucks? Like, a lot. Then what?
Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Neil from Citizen of the Month was talking on his Twitter feed about fake tweeting and I thought, ‘Now why didn’t I ever think of that?’ Nothing that brilliant ever occurs to me. I’m completely incapable of thinking outside of the box.
Even when I was a kid, I had no imagination. For example, I never thought to bring a gun to school or disobey my parents and drive into a tree just to see what would happen. It’s as if I’m on some honesty bullet train and I’m too scared to jump off and possibly scrape my knee.
Other people can lie without even thinking twice about it, but my face turns red if I try to deny guilt. And this is precisely why fake tweeting, or “fweeting”, if I may coin a term (unless someone else already did), would be a perfect launching pad into a life of crime testing those boundaries.
I could say things like:
or:
or:
or even:
and no one would ever be the wiser. Buwha-ha-HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
So… have you ever “fweeted”? Wait, forget I asked that, because if you’re the kind of big fat stinkin’ liar who would do such a thing, why would you confess to fake tweeting?
I’m hoping that by now you’ve forgotten that this is my 503rd post so that you won’t get all Judgmental Jackenheimer on me. I mean, I don’t want to have made a big fuss over this only to have you publish your big fancy review over on your big fancy blog that this post was just screamingly mediocre.
Dang, I probably shouldn’t even have said anything.
Congrats on your 503rd post! Well, it's 505th now, right? Anyway, Good for you! 🙂 And no, I have never Fweeted, but that sounds like fun!
WooHoo!! 503 Fantabulistic Posts!!! You are wonderful, and I think Sony Pictures SHOULD make your blog into a movie… hey, it worked for that Julie chick and her cooking, and I think your blog is WAY more entertaining!!
I have never fweeted because I have never tweeted… No time here to spend on that, I'm too busy on the blog and going to the doctor and to physical therapy… But I adore your new word “fweet” – I know it is going to be in the dictionary next year… You need to get it patented!!
I have never fweated. Or is it fweeted….well…anyhow, I've never done it. I've farted a time or two…..oh well…that's another subject for another day.
I'm sorry, but somehow “fweeting” makes me think you're farting in a tweet. And I don't know how you would do that.
No, i don't fake tweet although thanks for the idea-r…sounds like a good one. I actually tweet after the fact usually, so it's a done deal, whatever it is that I've, you know, done.
Fun blog, the goats in panties is a real hoot!
no i havent but thanks to your post i just realized i dont follow you on twitter1!!!! i am fixing that right now
Love your fake tweets! Almost make me want to twit too.
Fweet sounds like fart and… well, that other fart from down there. I can never use it again. I'm grossed out.
But no, I've never faked it – in any sense – but my, the possibilities are endless!! Fun idea.
Dang. Johnny Depp just asked *me* out for drinks…
(I feel so dirty.)
Gotta tweet! Later, yo.
Congratulations!
LMAO @ “fweeting.” It's sounds so dirty on so many levels. I've never fweeted, but I think I'm going to try.
So it's ok to lie on twitter? Oh, tweeting just go much easier.
I had never before considered fweeting, sounds like a really gross fart btw, but now I am going to do it. I'll probably come up with something stupid like:
“My kids actually loaded the dishwasher without my asking, learn my secret”
or
“My diet of Snickers and Diet Coke has worked wonders and I am down to 112lbs”
or
“I found the missing socks”
Just had a serious NGIP moment while skimming through CNN today to see what disasters have befallen the world in the past 24 hours :
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2009/1…
These goats were obviously trying to board the bus in order to travel to NGIP headquarters… no wonder they didn't want to take no for an answer, they were late for their tryout session for the NGIP cheerleading squad…
HA! Thanks for the link, Owen. Someone else sent me a video from another news source and I totally planned to have it be the Goat Thing of the Day for tomorrow's post. I think I might like your video better though, it shows more of the goats. Also, the link you sent is from CNN and is embeddable whereas the other one is from a smaller station in Oregon and I couldn't embed it. Thanks so much for sharing this!
Yesterday, I mentioned it was my 202nd post of the year, but at least I copped to not having anything to write about.
I love the fweetering idea, I may have to try that later. Thanks!
I have definitely faked it in my time, but have not yet fweeted – thanks for the tips!!! Check out my blog – I wrote about yours today!
no time for fweeting here. I'm always way too busy getting ready to meet with agents, publishers, and editors! Hugs!
Oh, I love those “THIS IS MY 100th POST” and like, that's the entire post. That shouldn't even count. If you MUST make a thing of it, at least put an addendum at the end of a normal post, “by the way, this was my 100th post”.
Whatever.
Fweeting. What a concept. And tell Johnny I said hello.
Ha, Fweet – you shoudl copyright that. Really great blog you've got going on here. Hope I can stick around as long as you – check out my dating disasters if you get a minute: plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I've never fweeted but I think I've totally twied (twitter lying..or Elmer Fudd saying 'tried'..I forget which).
Shoot. I don't do twitter. I tried. I thought it was a monumental waste of time. So I don't twitter, and I don't fwitter. because I'm a quitter. Don't titter. (That makes me bitter.)
I can't decide whether I'm the pathetic person, or they are.
Lie? On Twitter? Hell yes.
Do people really believe my cat was hit over the head with a rubber chicken and because of that only eats nectarines now? Or do people really believe I lock my kids in tiny cages in the basement and only take them out to give them Pepsi and teach them swear words?
Lying on Twitter is fun.
why the hell didn't I think of that? I mean, I've known pathological liars and always envy the life they create for themselves. I'd love to think I lived like that
No faking on twitter, hubby gets upset when I do that. LOL!
wow – I'm with you, never really think outside the box, I feel one step behind.
But at least we're honest!
You never drove into a tree just to see what would happen? Dude.
BTW, I just can't see myself fweeting. That's got to be as fun as faking orgasm. I'm guessing.
Fragrant Liar
P.S. Loving the site changes.
I figure it is probably like the faking at the beginning of a new relationship. Eventually they will figure it out or you'll do something totally embarrassing to run them off. Yet it does sound rather intriguing…. kinda like lying about your height/weight on your drivers license.
“No imagination”?!?!?!? You're the woman who put Nanny Goats IN panties for crying out loud 🙂
I don't tweet but if I did I'd totally tweet about this being your 5003rd post– Which was a great one, by the way.
Here's to many more!
xo
I thought I was the only one here that's a personal friend of Johnny Depp. He's gotta lot of explaning to do next time I see him …
[roflol] 🙂
503 is my lucky number. And is fweeting like fwarting? Just askin . . .
Congrats on your 503rd!
Hey I ran across this and I don't know how to message you, but it involves goats: http://cjredwine.blogspot.com/2009/11/its-bird-…
503rd! Wow, Nanny, when have you been posting, since, like, the Dark Ages?
Ahem. Not to infer that you are old, haha. Ahem. Ahem ahem. 'Scuse me, I have a cough…
Boy am I naive. The thought never occurred to me to lie on Twitter. What would the point be?
Why do I have an urge to lie on Twitter now?
No, I've never fake tweeted. I might have to try it for myself!
Of course I've fweeted. Doesn't everyone??
What I find most interesting about this post is that there does not appear to be a single eeny weeny tiny reference to a goat of any description in it… for a blog about goats, specifically about nanny goats in panties, I would have thought a celebratory post would have had an effusion of goats, and goatees, and billy goats, and nannies, and other assorted goats and ends… but no… hhmmm, seems to be some sort of diversionary tactic to keep us from obsessing about… GOATS !
Happy 503rd post! Woohoo!
I just laughed so hard. Your fweets are too funny!! And fun–my fave is the Johnny Depp one…love it!
I've never fweeted…(now that word is making my laugh!). Maybe if I did I would have thousands upon thousands of followers!
We should have a fweet day. How fun would that be?!
A Fweet day! That's a fabulous idea!
I also am too honest for my own good! I have never done anything bad while in school or heck even now while as an adult..at least so far anyway.. I say that to at least still give me a chance in case I get a wild hair up my butt and decide to do something crazy… but yet still not lie!!
I also love the name of your blog.. very creative!
Thanks for stopping by my blog as well.
I love it when Johnny asks me for drinks! ;0) Funny post. Congrats on your 503 post
I couldn't do it~wouldn't be prudent!
Have a wonderful day!!!
No, but then again, I'm stuck back there with Johnny Depp…. What were we talking about again?
I fweet all the time….no, wait, I don't even tweet….I flog…that's it…flog….
WooHoo for you, Nanny!! You kill me. Well, not literally but you are funny. 🙂
Kind of an existential issue, isn't it? Who's to say I'm not faking or exaggerating when I tweet about picking up houseflies with the shop vac?
Kahuna calls Twitter, Chitter so I guess that you could call his fake tweets…bull chitter. 🙂
The trick to being a good liar is to put a dose of truth in it. Now who's really going to believe that Johnny Depp is having a torrid affair with you? No offense, but you are a writer! Movie stars do not sleep with writers. They sleep with directors. It has fakery written all over it. Now if you wrote “Jon Gosselin wants…”
Now that would be a good fake tweet.
Congrats on your 503rd post! I love a rebel. Maybe I need to do a 539th post celebration. I actually meant to do a 500 post celebration, but I just plain forgot. And besides I always feel like I have to do a giveaway and that involves a trip to the Post Office, which is a pain. But for a 539th post celebration, maybe I can get away with not doing a giveaway. After all, we rebels have to stick together!
First of all – You have a voice and it is brilliant and as funny as all get out [what the hell does THAT mean?]
Second – celebrating any blogging milestone is worth the price of the post itself! This one is no exception. 503 hurray!!
Third – I can only hope to not run out of steam/interest before my five hundred and third post. I only have 55 stinky little posts on my stinky little blog http://www.strokeofliving.blogspot.com
Fourth- I've never 'fweeted' but I have commented on one of my favorite blogs shamelessly promoting my own blog.
You crack me up! Congratulations on your 5,335,012 posts! I'll spread the word.
I've never tweeted before. In fact, I've never texted either. It's amazing I finally made a blog. And I'm not even someone's 97 year old grandmother. I'm only 31! But now that you've given me the idea of fweeting, I might just give Twitter a try. Because fweeting sounds so much more interesting!
Here. I'm now going to dedicate a fweet (or is it?) to you in honor of your joyous 503rd.
See now if I'd seen this comment before your fweet, we both could have saved a whole lot of trouble! Silly me.
Love the new term fweeted. Congratulations on your 503rd post. Keep up the good work. 🙂
Big fancy blog? What big fancy blog?
I barely have time to constantly blog and Facebook and ignore my job, housework, dog and family – who has time for Twitter?
Oh my god – these were so funny – I'm still laughing. Especially the Johnny Depp one. I'm dying.
Congratulations on your 503rd post.
I fweet everyday but it has nothing to do with a computer….
The Johnny Depp one killed me over here! I've never “fweeted,” but that sounds like such a dirty word.
That would never have occurred to me either. I guess you and I are on the same slow train to Shanksville (or some other romantic Pennsylvania coal town).
I'm a recovering Catholic. I can't lie without visions of angry nuns dancing in my head — not to be confused with sugar plums because I know it's getting to be that time of year.
I keep myself honest in my tweets – it's a strange kind of anonymity…there's more freedom than i have on facebook, which is mainly IRL friends and coworkers, and i tend to be more honest on twitter because of it.
i do omit things though, as there are several people I know outside of the interwebs, and i don't necessarily want them knowing all my business 🙂
You mean like, “David Blaine buys all his magic supplies at my shop“?
No, I've never “fweeted”…
Funny post. And off hand don't think I have lied on twitter. I don't see a reason. Not like you all know me anyway.. and I mean that in the kindest way.Thats what makes it fun. You can be honest and no one judges.