I can’t stand it when I order a single pea pod by mail and Peas Pods R Us insist on sending it a box the size of a small rhino. It’s so wasteful.
Earlier this year in Hawaii, I arrived at the car rental place just wanting to get to the condo after a long flight. I grabbed the keys from the car rental lady, not paying much attention when she said, “This is all we had”. I was just hoping it wasn’t a motorcycle, since there were three of us. Counting parking space numbers, I was disheartened to see this in our designated space.
Yep. That’s a Hummer H3, all right. Navigating a monster in and out of parking spaces, and climbing in and out of that thing without the aid of a forklift, AND traveling with a disabled relative isn’t the easiest thing in the world, I can tell you that.
This summer in Chicago, I called this car service to pick me up from the hotel to go back to the airport. This was set up as a group thing to transport many people attending a conference. For whatever reason, I ended up going back to the airport by myself, and the transportation coordinator tells me, well there’s this car that can pick you up in 2 minutes, but it’s the only thing we have available right now.
So I had to yell across the car to the chatty Cathy limo driver all the way back to the airport.
What a waste!
What if you called Rent-A-Hubby, and told the drone taking your order that, “Oh, I guess the tubby, farty one will do.”
And then a few hours later, the doorbell rings, and when you answer the door, some guy waltzes into your living room and makes himself at home while the delivery man says, “I’m sorry, but this is all we had.”
Do you know what I would do?
That’s right, I would look that delivery man right in the eye and say, “Well you’ll just have to take him back, because I’m sick and tired of all the extravagance and conspicuous consumption that has been forced upon me by you people. Out, OUT I say!”
Also? I would like to thank Crista over at the Domestic Goddess for this Over The Top Award. Thank you, Crista!
Lawdy have MERCY!!! (insert fainting smiley here)
Johnny would never be returned by me. If he shows up at your door you can promptly send him my way. It’s only a few miles anyway.
I’m sweating…
Dang, how come I don’t have your luck.
You got a hummer in Hawaii?!
JEALOUS!
Yeah, I’d send Johnny Depp back out too! HA! P.S. Have you seen the advertisements for the new movie - Staring at Goats with George Clooney? I think of you every time! :o)
Here is the thing I don’t get about the Hummer craze. I spent 4 years in the military and the hummer was the 2nd worst vehicle you ever wanted to get stuck in.. the 1st was the Paddy Wagon but that’s another comment all together.. WHY would I then want to actually buy one? And I’d have to say bring on the big old box baby if it’s got one of them hot guys in it, call me wasteful, I’ll still have me some Johnny and YOU won’t neener neeer.
On a side note, Margaret.. I found this site about Goats and thought of you..mmmm wonder why.. he he
http://www.ultimategoatfansite.com/picture/get-off-my-ferrari-goat
fabulous! absolutely fabulous!
Marrying Johnny Depp…
xoxox
amy
LOLOL. I just read this and I tell you I feel the same way, if Johnny Depp EVER appeared at my door, sick to death of his way of life and of his life partner and wanted entry. I’d say Out, Out… be gone too.
And then I’d have the evil puppet master surgically dislodged from my cerebral cortex and run after that awfully beautiful hunk of a man fumbling over my sentences with apologies.
I think I’d keep Johnny.
whiner…
You could just send him to my house. I’d be just fine with that.
LOVE IT! of course last time I frented a car “all they had” was an electric blue (inside and out) PT cruiser! I was so cool
OMG… You made my heart skip a beat with that Johnny picture!! The Hubs and I have an agreement, if Johnny Depp ever WERE to come to our house (it COULD happen), then I am all his.
Same goes for Catharine Zeta Jones for The Hubs. We both know this about each other and it is OK!
Now the H3 and the limo, I can do without. I’m more of a Jaguar girl!
Can I steal that picture of JD, it is GORGEOUS!!!
Where does a Hummer park? Anywhere it damn well pleases!!! [ha ha] Now that’s my kinda truck!
What is with you people? If they accidentally send Johnny Depp to your house and you don’t want him, send him over to me. Conspicuous consumption doesn’t bother me a BIT. And sew up his jeans? WHY? You get him OUT of those ratty things. Yes you do.
You can keep the Hummer, but I’ll take the limp and the Rent-a-Hubby. Preferably together. With no clothes.
That’s why you tie the disabled relative to the bumper…cuz, really…when are you going to get to drive a Hummer again?
They’ll heal.
Now I am in a dilemma again. Would I take Johnny Depp, his guitar or the food? I don’t think I could keep up with Johnny baby so I’ll choose the guitar.
I don’t understand why Hummers are so big. They have no passenger room or cargo room. And most people who drive them on purpose are assholes.
Um, I would never send Johnny back. I am extravagant that way!
I’d send johnny Depp back too
GREAT post Margaret. You nailed it on the waste.
xo
The Hummer is my favorite car of all time. Straight lines, beautiful configuration, geometrically and artistically superior to any car on the road but a Lamborghini. It’s like complaining that your Van Gogh shouldn’t be hung in your hallway next to the laundry room.
tl;dr
Condo,limo,hummer now that’s called ruffin’ it. A little Johny would make it all better, huh?
OK, this is probably sacrilege but this goat doesn’t get the Johnny Depp thing…or the Hummer thing for that matter.
Maybe I am just too old a goat…
But the poor dear has holes in his pants…
Tsk, tsk, come over here darlin’ momma will sew ‘em right up for ya. Heh, heh, heh.
Sorry…
Smiles,
Lisa
I agree with middle-aged-woman, wasteful or not, Johnny Depp can stay
Yeah, sure you would. We all would. Because who needs Johnny Depp?
Sign me up for the limo waste with a side of champagne and Johnny Deep!
Hummer waste = bad
limo waste = bad
Turn away J. Depp = are you out of your mind??????
I’d like the limo with Johnny Depp included, please. That way I wouldn’t have to waste my time yelling across the car to chatty Cathy limo driver.
I drive a Yukon and keep my AC set on 70 - you go ahead and send Mr. Depp on over my way.
If it makes you feel any better, I promise to share the shower with him.
Ugh…Hummers make me cringe. And that’s a total waste of a limo…at the very least you should have been able to have Johnny join you! I wouldn’t turn him away
I love this post. Mind you, no one ever said that Johnny Depp isn’t farty, so many they only got it half wrong.
Also, I feel your pain for having to drive a hummer; I always leave mean messages on their windshields in lipstick.
That same thing happened to me at a certain conference this past summer.
And oh MY, you are TOO funny. I love it.
Now that’s my idea of some eye candy for Halloween. Yum.
I’m wondering where Depp got a guitar made out of Ford Taurus rims.