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The Dangers of Shopping Alone

I kind of needed you there at the time before I did anything stupid, but I went ahead and bought them anyway. And now I’m afraid to go out in public because I don’t know if they actually look nice on me or if the saleslady who accompanied me to the dressing room was merely desperate to make her commission.

So OK, be honest…

Does this suit make my butt look fat?

Tucson turtle suit
The dressing room lady told me this was slimming.

The saleslady said it was genuine Tortachelle, which sounded snazzy and exclusive and I thought I was getting a real bargain.

And you’ll probably say the same thing about my hat, but again, honesty please…

Does this hat make my butt look big?

huge bat ears, Arizona Desert Museum

It’s OK, you won’t hurt my feelings. Tell the truth. Too much? Should I tone it down a little?

GAH!  See what happens when you let me go shopping without you?

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73 Comments

  1. Car Games says:

    I think it's TOTALLY chic! I hear the tortoise-shell/hyena-ears are in vogue this season.

  2. You are so funny… You definitely need to have a shopping partner when you go! Although the hat complements your skin tone nicely! 🙂

  3. windsorgrace says:

    I really love the pants. We have something like that at our zoo, but you have to get on it. So, if you're wearing it as pants, I guess you would be kind of naked.

  4. AWESOME pants photo

  5. scrapendipity says:

    p.s. I have a blog but there was no field to enter the url. ??? in case you're interested http://scrapendipity.blogspot.com

  6. scrapendipity says:

    It started with the blog title. I knew it was the perfect place for me. Fabulous blog….what a freakin' crack up! 🙂 Love the new outfit. The salesgirl was right.

    Shar

  7. Cheri says:

    I have no words…only a question: WHERE CAN I GET ONE??

  8. buggys says:

    When you wear that hat you need have no fear that it makes your butt look big, in fact I would be prompted to say….what butt?

  9. Jess says:

    Tortachelle – clearly the newest trend. Love it.

    Can't really say much for the hat though. Maybe in 2011, you're ahead of your time.

  10. I think the ears are definitely slimming. Also, they're distracting, so even if you are fat, nobody notices. The shell, well, it's not that flattering, although it would be fun to be able to fly, even if you had a turtle butt.

  11. eileen says:

    The Tortachelle is nice.. what the heck is the hat? It looks like 2 giant larvas.. do they change into giant butterflies? In that case it might be nice provided they butterflies stay on your head.

  12. lenaloo says:

    So I dunno if my shopping sense will help you much, I kinda lost my savvy somewhere in the Maternity section and it hasn't quite recovered yet… But… I think I may be seeing more of you soon, my church just got in at Urban Hive… We begin co-working April 4th… There will be a party 🙂

    1. Woo hoo Lenaloo! (Hey I made a rhyme). That would be really cool to see you at the Urban Hive (I'm actually there right now.)

  13. sheila says:

    OMG – you look so beautiful. Where did you find these? I've got to get one. You really need something like this to make the outfit complete:

    http://www.gizmodiva.com/entry_images/0608/30/n

    or

    http://montrealradioguy.files.wordpress.com/200

  14. I'm not going to comment. I'll leave that to your significant other. 🙂

  15. Funny!

    You look pretty naughty in those ears. Add some granny panties to the mix and we should talk.

    Your site was one of the sites we gave some props to today. Enjoy!

    Have a good one.

  16. Lizzy says:

    love the pics

    btw we took stuff

    1. Again???? *calls police*

      😀

  17. B_enveeus says:

    LOL! I think I need to borrow that shell 😛

  18. junkdrawer says:

    I like the tortoise shell, but I think you're gonna have a really hard time finding Q-tips big enough for those ears.

    Also, have you lost your marbles?

  19. I just snorted soda up my nose. Ha! Love the hat, Margaret. It's VERY slimming 🙂

    Hope all's well with you. I've been on vacation and finally able to catch up on my reading. Off to read your older posts.

    jj

  20. debbie_suburbsanity says:

    I am impressed you got into, and apparently out of, that shell. I would still be in their struggling. You wouldn't even have to flip me over on my back to paralyze me!

    1. Oh Debbie. THAT was not easy. And it was almost claustrophobic crawling into that thing. And I was trying to do it fast before any kids came along with their parents yelling at me to stop playing on the kids exhibit and how old did I think I was. Plus, I had to really stick my butt out to get in and out and I was afraid of seizing up. And then when I got out my husband said, “I don't think I got it in focus, can we do it again?” So, I did it again. Sheesh!

  21. t.j. says:

    Do they have the tortoise shell in another color?

  22. Nance says:

    Lord, this all looks like something right out of Johnny Depp's “Alice In Wonderland”!

  23. enterthehole says:

    Shellsuits *always* make your butt look big! 😉

    Cupboard Creatures!

  24. mrsblogalot says:

    LOFL!! Did they have the shell in other colors?

  25. Next time if you can't FOLD it up you probably shouldn't be wearing it. 🙂

    1. So you can imagine the hell I'm going through hanging this in my closet. 🙂

  26. Katherine says:

    I can't believe no one attempted a lame joke about you being BATTY. So am I the first? The turtle shell doesn't make it look big, and it makes me shellfish. Oh BOY I'm full of them today. I was really stretching with that one. Can't wait for your next post – I'm all ears! Do you write in a special SHELLter? What? What?! I can't hear you!

    1. Awesome!!! You just spewed a lot of firsts. I could hear the rimshot after each one. 🙂

  27. Nedekcir says:

    lol, I like the shell…you look like you are flying…..whosh. The caption are hilarious…thanks for making me smile today.

  28. hahahahhahahhHAHHAHAHahhahahahahahhaha.
    OMG. these photos are GREAT! you are freaking adorable!

  29. vixensden says:

    I totally need to go shopping with you!

  30. kathcom says:

    The hat is awesome, but I can't get past thinking that even if I could manage to wriggle my way into your new Tortachelle suit, I would be helplessly stuck while bystanders threw Slushees in my face. At least they wouldn't be able to tell that my butt looked fat!

  31. nooter says:

    ha ha ha!
    can you hear me now?

  32. moooooog35 says:

    If you didn't yell:

    “What? WHAT?!”

    ..while wearing that thing in the last photo, then I'm gravely disappointed in you.

    1. Oh, Crap! And there people standing around who could have heard me doing it too. I'm sorry – I totally blew that one.

  33. Marg says:

    Oh my I had to go change my undies from laughing so hard. I think the hat could have been left behind. And your behind looks just like a turtle for some reason. You certainly do need some one to accompany you on your shopping trips. You are worse than me. This was all too funny.

  34. pam101360 says:

    ha ha ha! nah….I think you turned into an insect with a lil butt! ha ha ha!

    xoxo

  35. Definitely makes your butt look smaller. What the heck are those things on your ears?

  36. dasta says:

    hmm,butt is probably big

  37. cadenobrien says:

    Ummm, yah, it does. But then your butt probably IS big. So don't sweat it. I never do! 😉

  38. marlaahansen says:

    Butt? What butt? These accessories literally scream, “NANNY GOAT IN PANTIES!!”

  39. The turtle girdle is a perfect fit. You can see nary a panty line. And the hat, very slimming. I didn't even notice your butt.

    1. “Turtle girdle” – HA!

  40. fragrantliar says:

    So, I guess you shelled out a lot of moula for the Tortuga look. Well, sorry I wasn't there to advise you on the perils and pitfalls of carapace couture. It ALWAYS makes your butt look big. But, strangely, not as big as those giant rubber ears. What? You can't hear what I'm saying?

  41. mommadjane says:

    That hat looks so heavy. What's it made of? Funny!

  42. Decoybetty says:

    The suit is fabulous – it makes you look like a super hero…

    The hat..makes your butt look big.

    1. I knew it! That's the last time I go hat shopping without you.

  43. kristy says:

    I think the hat is very slimming actually

  44. Manic_Mommy says:

    Damn SPANX aren't foolin' around are they?

  45. Jen says:

    You're crazy…but in a good way. 🙂

  46. Irene says:

    I soooo want a suit like that! I am jealous of your big butt and must get myself one too! Can you pretty please tell me where you bought it? I'll be your new BFF!!

    Irene@happyhealthyfamilies.com

  47. Stimey says:

    What in the beejeezus are those ear things?

    1. Well, if the truth be known, they were bat ears attached to a pole that you squeezed your head into like headphones so that you could experience “echolocation”, the way a bat hears things. See how boring the truth can be?

  48. Sheesh! I'm calling PETA!

    😉

  49. AnythingFitsANakedMan says:

    Hahaha!! I can't type! I'm laughing to hard! Oh, THANK you! I needed that! (BTW: You're HILARIOUS!!)

    1. Hey, thanks man! Say, do you have a blog? I'm asking because some people (including you) don't leave a blog URL in the comment form, so it's hard to visit other people's blogs and say hi over there if they don't leave it. Of course if you don't have one, that's okay too. I love that you come by here. 🙂

      1. AnythingFitsANakedMan says:

        That's funny, I DO leave my http link every time, I guess it's just not showing! Anyhoo, thanks for asking, I DO have a blog! It's called Anything Fits a Naked Man (a phrase my DAD always used, NOT about nudity!!), and it's at http://anythingfitsanakedman.blogspot.com. C'mon by!!
        Joan

        1. What the…? Well I don't understand why it doesn't show up for you. Stoopit free Disqus commenting system.

  50. scott_free says:

    I think it's TOTALLY chic! I hear the tortoise-shell/hyena-ears are in vogue this season.
    Thanks for sharing, Nanny!

  51. SueAnn says:

    OMG!! You are so grounded!! I am hiding your credit cards and your checkbook!! LOL!!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

  52. Pricilla says:

    At least you could have tried on goat horns!
    Sheesh!

  53. Meesa says:

    Did you change how how we leave comments or am I just retarded?

    1. Meesa – Um, I'm not sure. What happened? Did something happen? I haven't changed anything that I'm aware of.

      1. Meesa says:

        It was trying to make me sign in or something.And having me post as a guest. Didn't it used to leave a comment on Twitter too, whenever we'd leave a comment here? I don't know. I don't know. don't mind me. I'm probably just having a “moment.”

  54. Meesa says:

    I'm laughing so hard, I've got the dogs barking and jumping on me. I think the shell might make your butt look just a little bit fat, even though it's really cute. I'll be honest. You might hate me for that right now, but in the long run you'll thank me. I do think the hat matches your glasses though. It's a keeper.

  55. Wendi says:

    OMG, I think I've been to that Old Navy.

  56. Jayne says:

    Think of it as being “fashion forward.” 😉

  57. Nezzy says:

    Good grief girl, I'm cryin' here! Your a hoot! I'm sayin' this with love 'cause I know ya'll can take it. The sales gal is a liar…the dang shell adds thirty pounds if it adds one. The hat??? Honey, there's just not enough words!

    Have a fun day….it looks like your off to a grand start!

  58. Paul says:

    I always ask my fiancee for advice whenever I buy new clothing, because I thought women have better taste than men do as far as clothing is concerned ,.. and now I see this, sheesh. I have been deceived.

    Another post from you that put a smile on my face 🙂

  59. KristinaP says:

    My butt wouldn't even fit in the tortoise shell.