Anger Management Issues with Boxes (and NGIP Merch Debuts)

I bring to you today the latest engineering in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese packaging. Remember the ridiculous request to “push in” as if the perforation would actually perforate? And am I the only one who “pushes in” with a frickin’ steak knife?

Well they must have gotten enough complaints (and broken nails, and bloody fingers) and think we’re all doing it wrong because they’ve added a second step to help clarify this complicated process:

So now you must “tear back”, because apparently, we were trying to pour all the macaroni and squeeze the powdered cheese packet out of the little hole that we “pushed in”. Well thank the Lord in Heaven they opened my eyes with a new set of instructions because look at what a difference it makes!

Now where’s that frickin’ steak knife?

I would like to thank the mailman for relentlessly throwing all our packages over the fence and right into the dirt, particularly after a good rain and also particularly when the box says things like “FRAGILE”.

Can you guess who is NOT getting a box of ThanksALot Girl Scout cookies this year?

But aside from the bitching, I have to say that Zazzle does pack things well because look what didn’t break!

Right now, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Gosh, how does Margaret get all this cool NGIP paraphernalia and I don’t?” Well the good news is….NOW YOU CAN!

That’s right, the NGIP Merchandise Booth is now open at Zazzle.com. You can get NGIP coffee mugs, T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, postage stamps and more! Wearing an NGIP T-Shirt or Hoodie will bring a smile (or a look of shock) to everyone around you. But YOU will be in your very very happy place and that’s all that matters anyway, right? Why, just look at this nameless high-paid model and the utter joy on his face because he is wearing an NGIP sweatshirt.

Commute to work with this lovely travel mug amidst the stares of your car pool buddies.

Host your next holiday with this lovely apron that virtually guarantees your food will never ever burn again!

Also? If you want something with the NGIP logo on it and you don’t see it in the store, just let me know, I’ll be happy to make it and add it to the store if it’s offered. Or tell you that it’s already offered, sillypants, you just need to select a different style or color. But I wasn’t sure if you would even want an NGIP shirt for your dog. Or your goldfish. Or whatever. So I’m holding off on that until somebody asks for it.

Visit the NGIP Merch Store.