When you hear the word “BlogHer“, one of three responses will burst forth from your countenance:
1. Apathy, ignorance, or a general sense of not giving a rat’s ass, stemming from the possibility that you’ve never heard of it (FYI: it’s a big blogging conference for women).
2. Excitement, followed by shouting “me too me too!” and jumping up and down, turning the heads of everyone within earshot
3. Anger and utter despair
And so it is with great trepidation that I mention it here because 66.6% of you will not experience joy when a blogger speaks of it. Maybe it is because you haven’t read MY speaking of it. Allow me to lessen the pain and thereby increase the joy by going on and on about it by the use of that nefarious internet content vehicle, the “list”.
The Top Five Reasons Why I’m Going to BlogHer
5. I work from home. I don’t get out much. I need to talk to other humans to make sure that my computer isn’t a sentient being, bent on trying to destroy me with a big conspiracy, pretending to be a bunch of people, creating a world that in fact doesn’t even exist. I need to shake the hands, accumulate the cooties, and smell the bad breath of other people. I need to share the same space as others and bring into balance the statistic that I know more people online than offline. I need to up my IRL quotient. There is only so much time I can spend on a person via the internet before exchanging germs with them. Otherwise, a little part of me dies.
4. It’s in New York City. Dude! New York City. I’ve accessorized my trip with extra days because I can’t travel all the way across the country to The Big Apple (does anybody call it that any more?) and not get in my Manhatty time. I wonder if New Yorkinites hate it when you call it Manhatty, like how San Franciscanites hate it when you say “Frisco”.
3. Perhaps I didn’t tell you that I am Dorothy Parker reincarnated and I have this romantic notion about New York being the literary capital of the world and I must therefore periodically submerse myself in it. I glorify the crap out of the idea and fancy myself a fabulous writer who hangs out at cafes and the Algonquin Round Table and broods and writes best-selling literary prose. I coulda shoulda woulda went to NYU. I must breathe the air in and around Washington Square Park and Greenwich Village and litmag-carrying bookstores.
2. And it’s not just the literary grandeur that is New York. I must experience many things while I am there. My soul feels neglected when it is away and I must make up for it by seeing as many Broadway shows, museums, restaurants, unique and worldy cultural stuff that my city will either never see or it will be horribly passe by the time it shows up (See: Every Andrew Lloyd Webber musical beginning with Cats). In short, I must grok all that is Manhattan.
and the number one reason I am going to BlogHer
1. Because I have Envy Disorder Syndrome Disease and cannot handle listening to every other female blogger I know (plus four or five male bloggers plus one of debatable gender) who will NOT SHUT UP about BlogHer between now and some time in October while I sit at home feeling left out beyond all reason. My jealousy will eat me alive and I know this and even though I don’t like this about myself I must attend BlogHer until sufficient therapy has been procured, so does anybody know a good shrink?
P.S. If you’re going, let me know. I’ll have my URL call your URL and we’ll do lunch IRL.
