Oh sure, I can admit it now, but I can’t look back on it with fondness because for all I know, I killed a person. Or two.
In 1982, I donned a brown polyester can’t-get-all-the-grease-smell-out uniform a few times a week to work at Kentucky Fried Rats Chicken right here in Sacramento. So the good news is, if you weren’t in Sacramento twenty-eight years ago, then I probably didn
‘t kill you. If you were there and you’re the one to whom I handed that fateful bucket o’ chicken through the Drive-Thru window lo, so many years ago, then I humbly apologize and may you rest in peace.
Yes, there were the more innocuous jokes on the customers, like when you’d hear a cook in the back sneeze and yell out “Twelve!” (because there were 11 herbs and spices in the Colonel’s Original recipe). Or you would try to pass off a rib-breast for a thigh because you were out of dark meat.
But there was that one night, I don’t even remember everything, only that a coworker and I were having a jolly good time just before closing, but I slipped on the greasy floor with a bucket of cluck meat and the chicken and I went flying everywhere and that was the only chicken we had left for the night, and the customer was at the Drive-Thru so she didn’t see it and we went into hysterics as I crouched low out of sight below the Drive-Thru window and picked the chicken up off the floor and put it back in the bucket and stopped convulsing with laughter only long enough to perform the transaction of taking her money and giving her the chicken and promptly going back into hysterics after she pulled away.
And I’m a good person! Imagine what all the jerks out there have done to people’s food. YOUR food. Maybe what I did was tame compared to some of you, but that doesn’t make it okay, so I’d like to formally apologize to that woman for probably killing her or at least probably sending her to the hospital or the bathroom for several hours.
You are the first and only person I’ve ever told this to, so if you could keep this between us, that would be great. I feel better being able to unload this burden and guilt onto you, but I am horribly ashamed of it and can’t believe I would do such a thing. If my mother was still alive, she’d roll in her grave.
And now that I’ve confessed, tell me, what’s the worst thing you’ve done to a customer? If you find yourself writing a comment to the point of needing to turn it into your own blog post, go right ahead. Reading someone else’s blog post is often an inspiration for my own. If we collectively confess, perhaps we’ll all avoid going to Hell. Well, for THAT anyway. I can’t help you if you’ve committed murder in some other venue.
(Photo Source: Wikimedia Commons)
OMG, I'm never eating fast food, or at a restaurant, ever again. This post is solely responsible for me becoming a hermit for the rest of my life. I hope you are satisfied! I'm just sitting here thinking of allll the meals I've sent back…not good.
I hear tell there's a wordpress tutorial around here…and I've lost my link. Help!
I don't blame you. It's enough to scare off the bravest of fast food eaters.
Is this the link you're talking about?
http://rhi.bof.mybluehost.me/nannygoatsinpanties/how-tos/word…
Talk of typhoid Mary, you were a health hazard!!
What's the worst I've done to a customer…..mistakenly give her dog a reeealllly close shave? She had to live with her fluffy llhaso-turned lizard for 2 months before the hair grew back.
I was a cocktail waitress, and very, very pregnant. I was serving a table of men, perhaps six of them. One of them actually reached under my skirt to cop a feel. When I was 8 months pregnant, the perv.
I brought them their next round of drinks, plus I had drinks for other tables on my tray – maybe 15 or 20. I “accidentially” slipped and the tray went flying – all over that guy and his friends.
Oops.
Yes, I laughed. I don't feel bad, he had it coming. But, I guess it was kind of mean of me to waste my bosses alcohol like that. 🙂
It was also back in the 80s – my child is now 23. I sure hope that guy left the bar and went to KFC.
I LOVE that story! You are so NOT going to hell for that one. 🙂
I have no drive-thru stories of my own to share, but I would say that you're in the clear on this one. I'm not sure how late the KFC drive-thru stayed open in 1982 – I'm guessing anywhere between 9:00 and midnight — but since this lady had a KFC craving that late at night, there are a number of scenarios that could have played out. Here are but a few:
1.) she was too drunk (or something else) to even notice whether she got sick later.
2.) she blamed too much booze for the fact that she got sick later.
3.) she did not get sick later because the booze in her stomach killed the KFC floor cooties.
Awww, you're just saying that to make me feel better.
And it worked. Thanks!
Maybe in the end, you did that woman a favor. Maybe she got so sick that she vowed never to eat that kind of “oh-so-good-for-you” food ever again! And now she is a kick-ass body-building queen of nutrition!
So, I forgive you. (But revenge is sweet, so watch out!)
I once dropped a filet mignon on a lady's thigh while serving her party at Western Sizzlin' Steak House in Atlanta, Georgia. She was wearing powder-blue polyester slacks as this was the mid '70s. She was really nice about it. And I had no recourse but to face the music because clearly I couldn't grovel around on the floor like some people I know and pretend it never happened. There were approximately 76 witnesses. But it occurs to me, Margaret, that only in Sacramento could one pass off a rib-breast for a thigh. That's simply not done in the South. That's why we'll rise again.
Oh, Jenny – you positively crack me up!
I am sure the floor dirt made it even tastier. But, ew.
Nothing compared to what I THOUGHT about doing.
[…] my friend Margaret’s Blog, ‘Nanny Goats In Panties’, and she had written a post called, “What’s The Worst Thing You’ve Done To A Customer”. If you haven’t read it? You […]
I'm new to this whole “customer” thing, but give me a few weeks and I'm sure I'll have a doozy! “12” and a sneeze- HA! gross :(!
I am a registered nurse and one horrible day when twelve things went awry my old lady patient died. When we finally got to cleaning the body her prosthetic eye ball fell out and rolled across the floor! It was startling. We laughed and laughed. Awful I know. Her family could have just walked right in. I think nurses do stuff like that to relieve the stress. I always cut up a lot every time I went to the morgue. It was cold of course and was lined with pretty yellow tiles. By the time I arrived with a body I was in need of that coolness!
I think our laughter stemmed a bit from nervousness or even panic that that was the last of the chicken. Because it turned into that forbidden laughter where you absolutely should not be laughing, therefore we couldn't stop. It wasn't the kind of mean laughing at the customer, it was that uncontrollable nervous kind.
And I get what you say about the stress-relieving laughter of a medical situation. Sometimes it's the best way to cope, despite any misunderstandings you might get from friends or family. Yes, their relative just died and that's horrible, but they don't see it every day like medical staff.
I can't confess a thing that's legal, so I'll leave it at that. I must, however, beg leave to copy this: If my mother was still alive, she’d roll in her grave. Do you charge royalties?
Ha! I would be honored if you copied it. (I probably shouldn't say that out loud, it sounds like I'm encouraging plagarism) But have fun with it!
I am such a good person that I've never done anything wrong……to those that didn't deserve it. But when I worked on the fire department, I used to hide everyone's shoes after they left on the apparatus wearing their boots. I was so sweet looking that no one ever suspected me, til I went too far and, not only hid their shoes, but switched one shoe out of every pair with a different size. Hey, I was busy and didn't notice the axe carrying men looking for their shoes.
Well aren't you just a goody two-shoes, Dana. I mean, except for the time with the shoes.
; )
I dipped a guy's potato chips in formaldahyde during a biology class in high school. I didn't like him, and he didn't die that I know of, but it was a rotten thing to do. I fed my sister an egg that had fallen on the floor and killed a spider. I think I wiped it off (the spider anyway). Sheesh! Now I feel better. What you did is bad. I agree. But I don't go to KFC so it's okay with me.
Shows how little I know about Formaldehyde. I would have assumed it was totally poisonous – I don't know why. I'm glad this venue has helped you, though. I could take the weight off the whole world's shoulders with this post. I mean, if the whole world would read it, of course.
Margaret, you know how to spell it so you know more than I do. My husband wants to know if you are looking for a job. His company is hiring technical writers in Sacramento.
Mostly, I have been the one abused by customers, back in my retail days. Someone peed at my register, (like, in their pants and onto the floor), while chatting to me about the weather. True story. I have had more pee and poop experiences in my professional life than anyone else you know I bet. But I digress. Once, when I worked at Burger King, I repeated the order of a man- in front of his children- and accidentally offered him a Whopper condom, (instead of combo.) In front of my manager. Then I mentally commited suicide. Years later, I brought a guy named Dirthead to the same drive- thru and he got into an argument with the drive thru kid, and the kid JUMPED OUT THE DRIVE THRU WINDOW and a fist fight ensued. I couldn't make this crap up.
I'm trying to imagine what kind of retail establishment would encourage a customer to stand at pee at the register while they talked about the weather, and I have no idea. Was it a Hard Rock Cafe Gift Shop?
Also, your Whopper condom story is lovely. It almost hurts to hear it.
OK, all of your stories are awesome, really.
HA! Awesomely enough, it was a Stop and Shop. *I know.*
Oh, I used to work at a restaurant, but it wasn't fast food, so no drive through. I never did anything or see anything that others did… no good stories from me – other than a guy I was friends with in high school that worked at a fast food place said they would deep fry roaches in the grease. That is pretty damn gross if you ask me…
I bet there are some places in this world where deep fried roaches are actually on the menu. The question is whether they just pick them up off the floor (higher profit margin) or if they arrive in boxes all formal, like restaurant supplies.
If anything, hitting the floor probably knocked some of the grease off the chicken. So really, you did the customer a favor.
Thank you, Dennis. I knew someone would redeem me.
This is the GREATEST post EVER. You know what? I bet ALL of us have had “floor chicken” at one point or another. When I was in high school my brother worked in Ho Jo's. (Howard Johnson's) He said they goofed around in the kitchen all the time. If someone ordered chicken with fries the order was written as “chicken, fries.” But heaven help them if they ordered the mashed potatoes. It was “chicken, mashed,” which made the chef put the chicken (in packaging) on the floor to step on it. They also put bleach in the clam strip oil to keep it from stinking. So you aren't the only one!
I doubt this counts as a transgression on my individual part, but the fast food place I worked at as a teen continued to do business while the septic system backed up in the rear of the restaurant. Sludge and foulness all over the floor! We wore plastic bags over our shoes and continued to serve food (as instructed by management) until the health department came and shut us down for clean-up. Incredible. I cannot believe anyone in a mgmt position would not have the sense to send us all home. All of us knew it was wrong, but didn't want to say anything for fear of being reprimanded.
Holy crap! I mean, er….well you know what I mean.
Let me start off by saying: OMG! I was laughing so hard while reading this my husband had to come in and check on me. I too have once sported a teal polo with the famous golden arches on it. I too had seen things that were so appalling that sometimes I wonder how I can eat at fast food places….
I don't quite remember if I had joined in on the fun and games during my shifts – because, well – I was a teenager and did silly things as a teen. =)
Don't worry, I wont share your secret with anyone!
Did you go to McDonald's University? Or is that place just an urban legend?
My husband is one of those picky patrons who sends stuff back every once and awhile. I tell him all the time, he must have eaten more loogies than anyone in the world.
I think the worst thing I ever did was date a customer. Yes, that's right. I used to work as a bank teller when I was young and blonder and my boobs still had elasticity and most importantly, I was single. I used to have this professional surfer who was of all things from Italy, always wait for my window to open up. He was so gorgeous with his tanned skin and his beautiful accent. He asked me out one day. And even though it was against the rules, I just had to. He was a gentleman and so sweet and just so stinkin beautiful, but honestly he was as dumb as a stump. I really didn't care about the dumb part of it at the time. But, after 2 dates, I met my husband who was handsome with a great tan AND he could hold up his end of the conversation.
I dumped my Italian surfer beau at the teller window. I was always a bad breaker upper. So, I'd have to say that was the worst thing I've ever done to a customer.
ok THAT? is an awesome story. You broke up with a guy at the teller
window. Beautiful and tragic at the same time. The poor guy. I wonder
what he's up to now.
Love the window breakup! CLASSIC!
Well.
Confession time.
What's the worst thing I ever did to a customer? you ask. I will tell you, and hopefully try to lift the shame and guilt.
12 years ago, I was working 2 retail jobs for a total of about 65 hours a week. I was tired, but more than that, I was burnt out. A customer came to the counter where I was working. I didn't quite make eye contact–simply rang up the item, bagged it, mentioned the total, accepted the money, gave the change.
“Thirteen fifty nine is your total, sir. Out of twenty? Six forty-one is your change, sir. Here you go. Thank you, sir, and have a very good day.”
At this point, a choked voice responded angrily and sarcastically, “Thank you, SIR.”
I looked up and into the tear-filled eyes of a woman. I began to whisper a hoarse apology, but she turned and stalked out before I ever had a chance to.
To this day, I am filled with guilt and mortification. The real bugger of it was that it was completely unintentional. Just sheer negligence.
Oh no! How unfortunate for both of you. Such an honest mistake. You
didn't mean it! Now I feel bad for you because it wasn't your fault.
You're so not going to hell.
I was a waitress in diner and coffee shops for years– I can't remember ever picking up food off the floor but I'm pretty sure there was a whole lot of sneezing going on one winter ;-(
And thanks, that nasty KFC craving I had is now officially OVER.
jj
OMG! That is SO funny. Of course, I only think it's funny because there is no way I could have been the person who received the bucket of dropped on the floor fried chicken! And, this story is very much the reason why I really don't like eating OUT all that often. I am always leery of what employees may do!
Let's see, what have I done to customers? Hmm….I worked in the domestic department at Macy's and my job basically consisted of folding sheets and towels and hanging signs. [So there's not much material there]. And then I worked in the marketing department for the insurance industry for about 100 years, which also did not provide me the opportunity to do anything 'to' the clients, although I really wished I could have!
Wait a cotton pickin' minute. (I'm in a Southern mood ever since I
heard the word “holler” today – the geographic kind, not the yelling
kind). You mean to tell me that in one hundred years of working at
the same company, you never had ONE opportunity to hate on a customer?
You see how you're missing out on so much by staying out of fast food?
Also, I may have scared MYSELF out of visiting the Drive-Thru anytime
soon with this one.
I really didn't! But, I would have liked to! I mean I HATED on a lot of
customers. I just didn't have any way to get revenge on them!
I did work in the fast food industry when I was a teenager, while I was
living in Florida with my grandparents. But that only lasted about a week.
After I was held hostage in the freezer of a McDonalds at gun point while we
were being robbed, my grandparents never let me go back to work there!
Pffft! *waves hand dismissively* Who hasn't been held hostage……
OMG – Are you kidding me??? Have you blogged about this? And did you say it all matter of fact like you did here? That's astounding, woman. You are astounding.
Actually, no. I've never blogged about it. I suppose I should one day!
But I would explain it with many more adjectives and a little less 'matter
of fact'. Heck, maybe I should include the newspaper article too!
Oh my Goodness, yes!!! I mean, if you're comfortable blogging about it. I
mean, as opposed to us going on and on about it over here in my house which
is also accessible by the entire world.
🙂
Oh it's not a *secret!* My whole family still talks about it. I am going to
ask my mom and my grandfather if either one of them still have the news
paper article about it!
Wait, re-read your post… “consisted of folding sheets and towels and hanging signs. [So there's not much material there” There was a LOT of material there… get it??!! 🙂
Yes! That was supposed to be 'punny' ahahahahah!
OK, I caught that too, but was afraid you'd groan if I said anything. Sheesh – I should have known.
🙂
Blessedly, I have managed to get through most of my life without having a job where I had to deal with the general public.
I've long suspected there was more to that KFC recipe than that old coot was letting on. 😉
OK, so I'm not sure if this counts or not, but YEARS ago I worked at TCBY and had an opal fall out of my ring and while we were pouring the unfrozen bagged product into the machines. All I am willing to say is we never found the opal, at least not on my shift.
Ewwww! There's a very good reason why I don't do restaurants/takeaways! Stories like this make me paranoid! 😀
The worst I've done? Erm. Nothing that compares to this.. Erm… Oh NO! I was taking pies out of the fridge before cooking them and dropped a few of them on the floor. I picked them up and just plopped them back on the tray, thinking the heat will kill all bacteria.
When I was serving said pies to customers, I found a couple of hairs on them and just picked them out..
Once I rubbed a hamburger on my shoe, and another time I licked a piece of lettuce. Both times I think the customer deserved it.
The best, however didn't result in any food mutilation or potential bio-hazard. I was a fish monger at a local specialty foods grocery store. I told a customer she shouldn't buy a particular fish because of the sturgeon general's warning.
You…are too funny: “sturgeon general's warning”
Nothing funny – y'all have had some good times! Personally I am never eating out again. I never worked with food – but when I did work retail I throw people out of my store or called security and had them thrown out. And when I worked in an office I accidentally on purpose disconnected rude people…Jeeze you guys had all the fun!
Hot coffee in a older gentleman's lap! I almost died, and so did he…..there was nothing either of us could do….hated that! whew….glad to finally get that off my chest….20 years is a long time….smiles.
And he didn't sue? I just remember that McDonald's lady suing over hot
coffee. In fact, I'm thinking she just drank it and it was hot, not
that it spilled in her lap. OMG! I didn't even think about KFC getting
sued over my actions. Now I feel even worse – ACK!
In any case, I'm glad you got that off your chest.
I worked at McDonald's when I was in high school, I don't recall doing anything as disgusting as that but I do recall “skating” across the floor on the grease. You'd think working in one of those places would have put me off fast food but it didn't.
I'm sure you didn't kill anyone, a little dirt off the floor is certainly better than all that trans fat they used back then.
LOL that transfat might be gone today, but the GREASE still remains. Everytime I eat KFC chicken, I spew cookies. UGH…get nauseated just thinking about it.
Anyway, I also worked at McD’s as a teen, and I DO remember a tall cook one morning was putting egg mcmuffins together and dropped an egg on the floor. Yes, he did pick it back up and put it on the mcmuffin!
I suppose the five second rule only applies if you don’t think about the e-coli swimming on that floor! Studies show it only has to just touch the bacteria and it is all over whatever you dropped. ewwwwwwwwww
Kids are so naive. Oh sure, it’s all fun and games until you accidentally kill someone with floor food.
can't say I ever did anything wrong to a customer..But I did get an employee fired who was management( group effort).
So, it was YOU!! I was wondering what happened to my chicken that night?? 🙂 If you think that was bad, during high school I worked as (please don't hate me)… a phone solicitor for Rainbow vacuums. Yep, I was the one who called during your dinner and extolled the virtues of having a “waterfall in your own home” (I quit after a week).
Oh, have you ever tried Manny's (formally Snow White) chicken? Da best!
I also worked at KFC as a teen and I NEVER did anything like THAT Margaret. NEVER. lmao
Is it OK to mention that we worked at the SAME KFC? Only at different times?
I'm so totally going to hell, and I know that, so I may as well get this out now. You know, as a sort of PSA.
I've never worked in a fast food place before, so I don't have any of these kinds of stories. I've seen those expose shows on TV that catch workers on hidden cameras with some of the nasty stuff they do to food. *GAG* If you stop to think about it, you'd never eat food you didn't prepare yourself again. So I try NOT to think about it, and I NEVER EVER send food back. Even if you are polite and friendly about it, who knows what kind of mood the kitchen staff are in? I'd rather not risk it!
I am totally the same way. The worst was going out to dinner with my stepmother who complained about stuff all the time and was rude about it. I asked her once if she wasn't afraid people would do something to her food because of it. She didn't seem to even think about it, as if they wouldn't DARE. Ha!
I don't know, but the day's not over yet.
I'll keep you posted.
OMG, I'm dying! So funny! Okay, since we're sharing. When I was 19 my BFF and I were bartenders/cocktail waitresses in the bar. The owner always left it up to us to run the join…so one night this biz-itch came in thinkin' her crap didn't stink. The only reason she was acting like that is because we were 19 and couldn't drink yet and we were serving her drinks.
Sooooooooo….my friend, I'll call her T, made her drink (a freakin' fuzzy navel…ew!) and then picked her nose and wiped it around the edge of the glass and I spit in the drink. We served with an orange slice and she ordered another one shortly after. We called it the Fuzzy Bitch.
I still laugh about it to this day. Sure, we did other gross stuff, but that one was a personal favorite.
Ah, the ol' pick the nose and spit in the drink move. A classic. I don't even want to know how many times this has already been done to me. I'm gagging a little just thinking about it.
You know, it never really occurred to me at the time, but when I worked at Olive Garden and other restaurants we made a lot of salads and grabbed a lot of bread out of the bin with our bare hands – the same ones that touched icky glasses that the customers touched and handled money and so on and so forth.
Oh, and I gave my ex husband (boyfriend at the time) the brilliant idea of buying up all the Sunday papers for $1.50 to get out the $5 off Olive Garden coupons to apply to all of the checks, so as to pocket an extra $3.50. I was just idly suggesting Ha! Wouldn't it be funny if? But he went and did it! I was too chicken to do it myself but I guess I benefited from the extra money, too.
You've just taken this to a new level, Tracy. We could start a website that allows people to anonymously (or not) confess what they've done. Do you think there's potential traffic in it? We could feature a Sin Thing of the Day…sell T-shirts….hmmm…
I worked at Burger King from the time I was 18 'till 20. Most of my shifts were graveyard. (Only the drive-thru was oen 24/7) I worked with only one other person. Who was NOT management. Why they left the place to us, I will never understand. Let's just say we were fairly unprofessional. Maybe when I feel brave enough I'll post about some of our (my) antics. 😛
Well, there was no management there that night in my story, either. Obviously. If you're ever brave enough, make sure you let me know so I can read it. But until then, I'd better get all the Burger King visits in that I can before I find out what can really go on behind the counter.
I told a customer off for not protecting her negatives properly!! I went on and on about it for 10 minutes. I can't believe she stayed there through it all!!! I was working part time in a camera department where we developed film…!!! I mean, I really told her off.
I feel bad now and when I get treated badly by someone at a store I just figure it is pay back! LOL!
HUgs
SueAnn
Maybe she treated a customer bad once too and felt she deserved a good scolding now and again to make up for it. It's all one big circle, isn't it.
Oh my, my craving for extra crispy chicken just went out the window… ::barf::
Yeah, so much for that KFC endorsement deal. I think that just went out the window, too.
Well, I am a good goat as everyone knows. But that Abby!
One time we had visitors coming over to buy my rich soap and she squatted down and well, peed on their foot!
Can you imagine such a thing?!
I am surprised that they still wanted my rich soap after that.
I would never do such a thing.
I am a lady goat.
Harumph!
OK, I never peed on a customer's foot before. Abby's such a card!
I also put food that had dropped on the floor back on the plate and served it to the customer. It was a half-order of ribs, and it had just slid right off as I turned the corner in the kitchen.
BUT I DID NOT LAUGH!
OK, I laughed afterward. And I still laugh today. Because what you and I did? Peanuts. Oh, the stories I could tell. And WILL tell, on my own damn blog.
And SHOULD tell. On your own damn blog.
I think that was the worst part. The laughing. We weren't laughing at the customer so much as the situation, kind of a nervous suppressed OMG-we-can't-laugh-at-this kind of laugh. Like in church at a funeral.
I am NOT going to a KFC anytime soon, thanks, Margaret. The fact that you're a good person, and did that, means I don't even want to know what a *bad* person might do…
And now I'm going to be extra suspicious when the drive-thru people take a long time with my food… 😮
I know! I don't know why I bother going out at all with the bad karma points I racked up for myself.
See it's little stories like that, that make me walk in the fast food restaurants to order my food so I can see what's going on back there. I worked in fast food and never served anyone food off the floor. Margaret, I'm afraid you're going to hell. Maybe if you didn't laugh so hard you'd get special consideration but I'm thinking your are going to fry. And now I'm worried because I LOL'ed while reading this. I'm signing off as Anonymous. When that woman tracks you down I don't want to be associated with you. I hope you understand.
Anonymous
I suspect I'm going to hell in little pieces. As in, it's all coming back to me karma-wise in bad customer service for the rest of my life.
Does it count if it wasn't me? The worst thing Mo did was when she was a bus driver. It didn't involve food, but it was far worse!
She was on the late shift, and the LAST bus. We were going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve (this makes it all the worse) and it was snowing outside and freezing cold. She got halfway around the route and knowing that she'd be late for mass, stopped at the next stop and told everyone that it was the end of the line!
She actually threw everyone off her bus and made them all walk home, rushed home and promptly went to mass. In a church. A holy place. Can you believe that?
She is very ashamed of it now, of course. And so she should be.
HA! Well, if you're going to pull something like that, what better reason than you would be late for church?