As the four of us (Jane, Amy, the Freak, and I) schlepped through the parking lot at the Century Theatres in Sacramento, our bellies full of Elephant Bar food, we saw the long-ass line outside for Disney’s latest movie, Secretariat. One young man was walking back to his car flapping his free screening pass, “They’re sold out,” he said. “They told us we can’t get in”.
So we figured, OK, we’ll just go see “Easy A” instead of this movie, even if I was told I had tickets reserved in my name. Turns out my tickets (courtesy of BlogHer) were different than the other kid in the parking lot who apparently had won them from a radio station or something.
In fact, they were so different that we didn’t have to wait in line outside. Some Disney rep escorted us toward the theatre until a security guard came out of nowhere and asked, “Are you on the guest list?” and he whooshed us past the line inside where people were getting inspected and wanded and searched (I thought this movie was Secretariat the horse, not Secretariat, yo, the gangsta drug-dealing mob boss. Did I also mention the police cars parked out in front of the theatre?)
Anyway they took us right to a separate taped-off reserved section. I guess for “the press”. Ooooh, I’m the press now.
As a side note, I’m in the bathroom later and overhear two women gabbing about how Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to be there and that’s why all the cops. Well, I didn’t see him. So unless he, (GASP!) left during the end credits, he wasn’t there.
But you don’t give a rat’s ass about all that, you just want to know if the movie was any good right? Well, that depends. Secretariat contains no sex, violence, or drugs. There is no swearing. And there are no scantily-clad women. The only boobs we saw were outside – have you seen the Century Theatres here in Sacramento?
The movie starts slow and horribly cliche-like with the melodramatic funeral reception, and the graveside service….in the rain. This first part could bore kids to death because there’s nothing for them to grab onto in the beginning. There was nothing for me to grab onto. No character or relationship development among the family because the movie isn’t about Diane Lane’s character and her relationship to her family, yet they spend a half hour or so with her shallow and stereotypical relationship with her family. By the way, Diane Lane plays Penny Chenery, owner of Secretariat, the first race horse to win the U.S. Triple Crown in 1973. That wasn’t a spoiler, was it?
But then John Malkovich shows up with all kinds of wardrobe disaster awesome and saves the day. And the movie. And then the movie begins to pick up and now we’ve got horse racing and the excitement of competition and even though they get all platitudinous with the “Come on gang, by golly, you can do whatever you want to do in life and you have to follow your dreams and yada yada yada”, you can’t help but get into the innocent dreamy fantasy impossible but true story of a racing horse.
So yeah, there isn’t a lot of depth, or conflict for that matter, in this movie, but it is family-friendly and horsey and ultimately, entertaining. Like Apollo 13, even though you know how it ends, you’re still on the edge of your seat every time “they’re off!”. And the cinematography of the races is exciting and gorgeous.
So if you’ll pardon the cliché, this movie may be the “Feel Good Movie of the Year”. If you want a fun ride, I say go see it.
Damn that anti-mayo post of yours when I commented that I could hang out with you anymore. Now I’ll miss out on all the VIP tickets and meeting the Govenator.
Can’t believe you actually went back to get a picture of the booby domes in the daylight. lulz.
Yes, the things I do for you people.
I’ll have to check it out! The commercials look really good. I can’t remember the last time I was actually IN a movie theater!
I’ll have to check it out!
It looks like it might be worth it just to see those Malkovich shorts again. Dude! I know the 70s were bad, but yikes.
How exciting that you got all that VIP treatment. Cool!
Nice review. I’m glad you found it to be overall good. It sounded awfully slow in the beginning. I like to be drawn in from the beginning instead of wondering if it is ever going to pick up.
We don’t get out to many movies. Last one was Letters from Juliet (I think that was the title). It was cute and sweet, but not as good as Mama Mia, though.
I can see the new full page ad in the LA Times now– Your quote at the top in bold, above the title….
“John Malkovich shows up with all kinds of wardrobe disaster awesome and saves the day”
Margaret
Nanny Goats In Panties
xo jj
Oh nooooo. Horses would HATE this movie. Because there is nothing for them to relate to. I mean, it’s not like this movie has horses or anything for them to empathize with.
😉
Hmmm, I wonder if the horses across the street would like it. Do you think they could get into the theatre?
I am glad you had fun on your outing. I am glad you are press
I think this is definitely a movie to take the parents as opposed to a new boy in your life. 🙂
I don’t think I’d ever seen that before and I don’t know if it was for guns, or bootleg cameras.
Hee hee!!! I just watched Beauty and the Beast (now out on some faboo Blu-Ray restored thing or something) and so seeing your last name (when spelled correctly, anyway) reminded me of “Gaston”, the conceited, but handsome antagonist.
I think a full swell-at-command orchestra comes with the “making it big time” part of your life. I loved “Being John Malkovich”, and yeah, he’s looking a little older there.
Would you believe they actually did make a joke in there somewhere about that.
Not even Social Network?
I’ll be curious to hear if kids like it, or are terribly bored in the beginning.
I know! I want to see Jayne’s movie now too! I don’t often get to see movies where I know the writer!
Well now THAT’s an awesome claim to fame! Although I might have gotten peeved if I had to move out of my theatre seat so Arnold and his entourage could plop their butts down.
I remember Jane Krakowski was in it, because I was in some nearby restaurant, (Sardi’s maybe?) when Jane walked in.
Nope. I’m trying to envision Mary Stuart Masterson in a B’way musical and it’s just not happening.
I’ve been wondering if this would be something I’d like. Maybe I’ll take my parents. Definitely not a date movie, right? 😉
laughs
LOL!
Wow, I feel so privileged to write a comment on your blog, now that you’re so high and mighty with your special tickets!! Wanded a movie theater. Now that’s a new one for me.
It would have been nice if I had spelled my own name correctly.
Jane Gaston
I’ll go see it simply to watch the standin for that magnificent animal do his thing.
Damn Jayne — you have your own imdb page! (Add your picture, add your picture!) Clearly I am impressed and I am using too many exclamation points.
Wow! Um, got nothin’ more to say except I feel starstruck. (Turns to the camera and mouths, “Hi Mom!”)
I saw John M.’s clothes in the trailer before I recognized that it was him. And when I saw his face. I. Was. Shocked. At how old he looks. Is that make up or Maybelline?
The last time I saw him was in “Being John Malkovich.” (Awesome flick, btw.) So he’s, uh, aged since then.
Second, I desperately want a full orchestra to follow me around and provide the swell of uplifting, hopeful music when I overcome the odds.
Thanks for the review..but I think I will pass on this movie. In fact, I can’t think of any I would like to see right now. Sigh!!
Hugs
SueAnn
Original B’way cast was Raul Julia. Revival earlier this millennium with Antonio Banderas, Jane Krakowski, Chita Rivera, Mary Stuart Masterson (and I swear to you I’m not making that up, Mary Stuart Masterson was actually in a Broadway musical), and Melanie Griffith, AB’s wife, wasn’t in it. She was across the street, literally, starring in Chicago.
I love the show, but that’s precisely why I’ve avoided seeing the movie. I’ve heard the film is, like, ‘set yourself on fire horrible.’
When I was a child, I thought Secretariat was a horse that knew how to type and answer the phone. I thought that’s why they named it that. I’m just curious whether the film addressed the confusion that that particular name engendered in small children.
Thanks again for the invite! Even a big ol’ cynic like me fell for the Disney magic. Of course, I kept wondering how much of the story was true and how much was fictional drama to keep the plot moving and the tension high at certain points. Regardless, it was a good family movie.
Well, I suppose it sounds alright if you like that feel good kind of thing 🙂 I’m actually thinking I might have to check out Jayne’s movie. It sounds really interesting, and besides, I hate to see shameless self- promotion go to waste.
I love movies like this one! And I’m really glad you got the Royal treatment you deserve, My Dear! My son had to move up two rows at the Old Vic Theater in London because Prince Charles came in to see the same play and needed two rows for himself and his entourage.
Yup! I think both he AND Melanie were in it. I saw it waaaaaay back in the late 70’s, early 80’s in NYC with Anita Morris. She was faaaaabulous! It’s just a so-so movie, but I’m glad I saw it. I think you’ll enjoy it because it’s visually stunning!
Is “Nine” the Broadway musical that had Antonio Banderas? Or was it Melanie Griffith? Are they still together by the way? Anyway, I didn’t see the movie (or the Broadway show) but have now added it to my Netflix queue. I LOVE John Malkovich.
Thank you for sharing this FAB review, Margaret! I saw the clip on You Tube a few days ago and was very curious to see it, especially since Diane Lane is in it ( I freakin’ LOVE her!), and John Malcovich ( also LOVE ). Did you see him in the movie “Nine?” Not a very good movie, but he and Kate Hudson were wonderful!
Anway, after reading this I think I WILL go see it.
P.S. Love the boobie photo – HA!
It first aired on “Animal Planet.” It’s based on the true story of the Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation’s rescue farm at Walkill Correctional Facility in upstate New York and is about an inmate’s relationship with a rescued horse that’s near death when he arrives. I got to go there to do the research and everything. Plus I got to pour my own love of horses into the film.
It’s true, I think if you do like horses, or horse racing, or Diane Lane, this movie gets extra points.
And I believe you can spell just fine – hee hee! I just felt the excitement you must have over this movie that your fingers went wild on the keyboard.
Hey wow, you got a movie on Netflix! I don’t blame you for shameless self-promotion. Plug away!
I really can spell, I was just testing you…
I’ll pass. “Seabiscuit” was a good horse movie. And of course, you can always rent “Big Spender” at Netflix written by yours truly. 😉 I know. Shameless self-promotion.
If you love horses, gambling, Diane Lane, (and who doesn’t?) this is a no miss movie. Family entertainment at it’s best, I will buy this one the minuit it hits the shelves.Go see it- give it a chance, (the funeral scean we could do with out) but the rest- highly entertaining, and I dare you not to be on the edge of your seat as Secretariat progresses each time. This one is for the kids- from 6 to 100.
I’m curious as to what the “real” critics will say about it, and what audiences will think of it this weekend.
It was like that to see Harry Potter & half blood prince but I wasn’t really in line at all. No desire to see this movie at all.