I was walking through the wall the other day (because I just don’t have the patience to go around anymore) when it suddenly occurred to me that I’ve never been to The Grand Canyon. I mean, is it really all that and a bag of chips anyway? I’m just wondering because if it’s even a small handful of awesome, I should check it out prior to a lifetime sentence in prison, right?
Actually, the real reason I called this meeting today was to show you which seat NOT to choose on a US Airways flight.
27A.
Write that down.
I’m not kidding.
Here’s me in 27A from Mexico to Phoenix a few weeks ago.
Four hours of knee-crushing fun. And that’s not all. As an added bonus, you also enjoy no storage underneath the seat in front of you AAAAAAAND….
That’s right, I had my pick of all three seats in that row and I said “I will take the window seat, please.”
So you get lots of wonderful features in seat 27A, and for some reason, they don’t charge you a premium or anything for it. You pay the same price as everyone else around you.
How did I let this happen? Easy. Because I’m stupid. When I initially purchased the ticket, they let me pick my seat for all segments except this one: the one from Mexico to Phoenix. And then, not only was I unable to select a seat for that segment until 3 hours before my flight, but there were only 5 seats left to choose from and Row 27 was wiiiiiiiiiiide open.
And I picked the knee-squashing, viewless, hold everything in your lap, window seat.
Soon-To-Be-Famous Friends
John (J. Bear) Savo is a fellow blogger I met a long time ago when I first started blogging. I think we met in one of those Humor Blogging groups. Then he switched his blog to All Auctions All The Time to fit his occupation in real life. I wondered why he did that. Was he going for some “focus” or something?
Anyway, it paid off because now he has a show called Auction Packed that premieres on the NatGeo Channel on Friday, February 11. The first two episodes premiere at 9 and 10pm EST. Woo Hoo! Congrats to the Savo Auctioneers!
Also? He’s returning to his personal blogging roots with a new blog called Speltr
OMG and no table? That is the worst!
At least you went to Mexico. That had to be fun right?
This sounds all too damn familiar! That’s the seat I would pick too. But it’s kind of funny too.
Nice to be back reading your stuff. I’ve been MIA for a bit.
We’re now blogging on The Guys’ Network. The Guy’s Perspective is mainly a podcast now.
Take Care!
Hey, welcome back to the blogosphere and congrats on starting a podcast. You “guys” are really moving along. 🙂
That seat lends new meaning to “sardine section”.
YOU are not kidding, Linda.
[…] to avoid flying, especially after seeing what seat 27A looks like, I momentarily considered ‘Road Tripping’ my way out to Minnesota with another […]
This is the best public service announcement I have ever read. Ever. Practical, informative and useful. Sorry you had to experience that but I thank you for the detailed account.
Oy. No window sucks. Did you say, “Shut the f#^% up Donny!” when you saw where you would be sitting?
ACK! “STFU Donny” would have been perfect. Except that this happened before the whole STFU Donny event. But next time….next time….
I’d be satisfied with any seat as long as I’m not sitting in between Elbows and Snot-Snorker.
Ah yes, Mr. Elbows. He’s a frequent flyer, ain’t he?
Margaret, you rock! Thanks so much for the plug.
You’re welcome. I can’t wait to watch it!
I have to ask: did your seatmate ask why you were taking a picture of your knees?
Hee hee! Actually I was traveling with my seatmate, so it wasn’t so offensive for me to pour myself into her “space”.
Man, I would have been throwing a fit if I was stuck in a seat like that. Flying is bad enough, and claustrophobic enough WITHOUT the Sears tower at your feet. Send a letter (or a link to your post) to the airline and I bet you get a free ticket.
I can’t believe I didn’t think of it earlier, Sheila. Thanks for the suggestion. I did send them the link to this post.
So I too made the mistake of flying US Airways about 7 years ago.I had the ex-fuckhead with me and 3 kids ages 1 1/2, 5, and 7. I paid for 6 seats because I didn’t want anyone else disturbed in case my never-flown-before kids caused trouble. I bought my seats months in advance, knew exactly where they were and everything. The day of our trip we got stuck with fuckhead 2 aisles ahead of me and me and three kids in 3 seats. I had to hold my youngest the entire trip. I say entire trip because it felt like my life flashing before my eyes at a snails pace but in reality it was a 3 hour flight. We were scrunched into the tiniest 3 seats ever, which was fine for my kids, but at that point in life I was at my heaviest of 267 pounds. I couldn’t move without hitting someone in front of/behind/next to me. They broke my stroller putting it in the storage area specifically for strollers as well. By the time I got off the plane my legs were frozen and my arms were numb from holding said child and I still had to push a broken stroller the 8 miles to the rental car area.
I did have a silver lining though. I complained so loudly with profuse tears, my children were screaming and I have no idea where fuckhead went that the airport manager came over listened to my bitching and promptly changed my flight for the trip back a week later. We ended up on Continental instead with awesome seats for all of us.
I will never fly US Airways again….EVER.. They never even compensated me for breaking my damn double stroller either!
Ugh- what a nightmare for you! I haven’t heard one nice thing about US Airways yet. Not that people love airlines in general anyway, I guess.
Wow. That might be the crappiest seat I’ve ever seen. There’s evidently a magic extra room seat somewhere in the middle of the plane where my husband’s excessively tall boss always has to sit – it’s like the hidden secret of flying for the excessively tall. I didn’t know that US Airways took it to the other extreme and made a seat just for the kneecapless passengers…
Seriously! Children should be put there! Except that it was an exit row and I guess children can’t exactly be expected to perform “exit” duties in the event of an emergency.
I had that same seat before (US Air, even) from Boston to London a couple of years ago, and loved it. But I was traveling with my boyfriend, who was in the aisle seat and so happy to have that much legroom that he didn’t mind me angling my legs sideways. I can see how that wouldn’t work if you didn’t know your seatmate.
And I have a messed up left hip anyway, so being able to stretch it out at weird angles helps on airplanes with all that sitting, and I actually stretched it out on top of the inflatable skyscraper housing and slept that way for a while (yeah, my leg was at a weird angle sticking way up… I think my foot fell asleep, but it was so much more comfortable.)
And I was able to stand all the way up and stretch after I woke up… and got a lot of jealous looks from people who couldn’t do the same at their seats.
To be fair, I didn’t really miss the lack of a window because it was a redeye and we were over the ocean anyway. My only beefs were what you already mentioned about a lack of storage space (we got bitched out by the woman behind us for putting our “personal items” into the overhead bin with our carryons, but I pointed out that there was no under-seat storage and then ignored her whining) and the fact that next to the e-exit, it’s COLD and DRAFTY. But I had a coat anyway, so I just put it on and went to sleep. 🙂
Ah, so YOU had a nice silver lining to your cloud. Nice!
Hey Margaret, The Grand Canyon is pretty awesome but I’m not sure that crappy seat is worth it. Seriously, you deserve a refund for that nasty lack of leg room.
xo jj
I was genuinely shocked that they would seriously charge the same amount for that seat with a straight face. Jerks.
Yet another reason I don’t fly. Although, I’d never pick a window seat anyway. Nope, I want to be the first one running down the aisle screaming BLOODY FUCKING HELL!! when we hit turbulence. 😉
Ha! I am cracking up at the visual of you running down the aisle screaming a British obscenity.
I’m sure they’d have me in handcuffs in no time.
“I was walking through the wall the other day (because I just don’t have the patience to go around anymore)” – I stopped right there – in total awe!
I apologize for the above remark – it came out sounding real “smart-ass” – not my intention. Again, my apologies!
Not at all. It was a random statement on my part and it could prompt any kind of response, really. 🙂
I am flying to the east coast this summer with my girls from California – I booked my tickets through our credit card company using our points for 3 free tickets.. I went on line to see where we will be sitting.. The plane is still empty except for 3 seats in the very back – you the know the seats that don’t recline… yep… those are free tickets alright…
Enjoyed reading your blog… I am your newest stalker.
Love
kelly
I’ve Become My Mother
It seems like seats that don’t recline or have no windows or make you sit backwards or whatever other indignities you must tolerate, should cost less. I mean, it’s not like the airlines don’t already have 147 different ways to calculate the fare already.
Oh! And thanks for stalking. So glad you enjoyed the read!
And now you you what every seat is like for a guy that’s 6’10”. Actually, you probably still had more room since only one knee was crushed but anyway, welcome to my world.
Believe me I thought of you. Although I remembered the inflatable skyscraper as YOUR knee on the trains in Europe who also don’t provide enough room.
How utterly horrible! That flight must have felt like you were stuffed in a broom closet. Nothing to look at and no room. God bless you. I’d have paid someone a thousand dollars to switch seats. Anyone.
Congrats to the Savos! That’s so awesome they got a show. Although I will admit I’m not sure how National Geographic and auctioning go together, but STILL. It’s a TV show! (your link points to a water-related program, tho).
Oh, and yeah, Grand Canyon. Totally worth it. It’s where the word breath-taking first started, back when it meant something.
A broom closet – yes exactly!
You freaked me out for a second. I checked the link and I believe it’s the right show, although the name of the individual episode is called “Under Water”. Is that what you saw? Or were you pulling my leg? Because who knows what auctions have to do with nature. Or caring about the planet, or whatever NatGeo’s mission is.
My bad! I see now that the episode is named “Under Water.” I thought you were sending us to something called “Auction Packed”, so when I saw Under Water, along with some shark images on the right, I thought the show was a fish show. Nevermind. I’m an idiot. I should be punished by having to sit in 27A for six hours and be denied coffee, drinks and peanuts.
Don’t feel bad. When people on YouTube saw the “Heavy Hitter” clip for the show, a lot of them thought it said “Heavy Hitler.”
We care about the planet by reselling old treasures to hungry collectors. It’s a form of recycling…
I usually love the emergency exit rows because of the leg room. In this case, it looks like a bad choice of seats. But the aisle seat would have been fine for me. I like aisle seats because then i don’t have to climb over anybody to get up.
I always debate between the window and aisle. Because I don’t want to climb over anybody either. But I also don’t want to get my elbows and knees and shoulders and head whacked constantly by people who don’t know how to walk on a plane.
Sure, you’re all complainy until the thing has to make a water landing and you’re the first one down the slide while everyone else is bursting into flames. Glass half-empty kind of person, are ya?
ha! Thanks for that. I really should learn to be more grateful and optimistic. And I will do that, just as soon as I return from my 10 chiropractor visits.
Oh I will definitely remember that seat number – especially since I always ask for window seats too.
Yikes, I *loathe* flying to begin with. I would have totally freaked out if I was stuck in Seat 27A.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Malvina La Bella, The Travel Belles. The Travel Belles said: RT @nannygoats The Airplane Seat of Torture http://bit.ly/fNSWWP #travel […]
I would have been pulling the ripcord on that chute just to get some more room…
Now why didn’t I think of that?
The publicist always picks aisle seats because her bladder will not let her choose otherwise. They are fine except for the occasional overhead bag falling on her head and the usual stewardess cart banging into her. Not to mention all the wonderful interaction with the well behaved toddlers on the plane.
I think I was doomed from the beginning because it was US Airways, an airline I’ve never flown before. I resented it before I even bought the tickets, so if nothing else the bad mojo kept me from having a nice flight.
The publicist’s uncle used to be some kind of mucky muck for US Airlines but he is retired now. In spite of this she has never flown them either….
Fortunately, I’m here to help.
First things first: Grand Canyon. I went just a couple of weeks ago, because it was on my 101 Things list. Did you know that you can actually redeem frequent flyer miles to take a helicopter trip from Las Vegas to the Grand Canyon? It’s true. It’d prolly have been,like, $500 each if we’d paid for it, but we used miles and they came and picked us up in a limo, and made us drink champagne at the landing, and then took us on a rafting trip down the Colorado river, and it was very, very secksie.
On airplane seats, I need to advise your dear, sweet, supple, extremely attractive readers that not all seats are the same on all aircraft on all airlines, and that 27A might actually be one of the best seats on a different type of equipment, if the plane is a different model than the one you had. Though, if you’re flying USAir, it’s probably the case that no seat is going to actually be good…they’ve got a reputation for being pretty cruddy, as airlines go.
Since I spend so much of my time in commerical airplanes, I have learned many, many tricks for finding the best seat, because although I’m lucky enough to get upgrades, it’s not always the case that I’m permitted to sit in the front part of my beloved metal flying tubes.
Seatguru.com is a great site, completely free, and they have maps of every aircraft on every airline, and you can pretty much go there and they’ll tell you whether you’ve got a seat with an inflatable skyscraper resting against your patella, or whether your seat has limited recline, or whether you get extra legroom, and all of that. I love that website more than a fat kid loves cake, so they deserve some free advertising.
You’re welcome.
I’ve seen that seat guru site and if I’d been allowed to choose my seat when I bought the tickets I might have thought to use it. They let me choose my seat on all segments when I bought my tickets EXCEPT the one from Mexico to Phoenix and I got my boarding pass for my return flight at the hotel lobby, so that just had disaster written all over it. What pissed me off was that for some reason everyone but me got to choose their seat weeks before. Jerks.
Anyway, thank you for reminding me about seat guru, you bazillion mile club member.
I’ve been in those seat that ya think are a good idea and all ya wanna do as the plane screeches to a halt is to ye’ll, “let me outta here…now!!!
Dang, I thought I’d seen everything but I’ve never seen and instruction book on how to make an erection!!! Shock my modesty baby! :o)
God bless and have a terrific week sweetie!!!
I don’t why my expectations of airlines got so high. I mean I was really shocked that they would even put a seat there, let alone charge everyone who sat there the same price as everyone else.
were you also responsible for making sure people got into the lifeboat thing? Like you know they charge people in the exit row with that added stress while flying.
Do you know I don’t even remember if we did have any life-saving responsibilities? Surely we must have gotten that “special” lecture. After they collected the extra money from us for that privilege.