How to Clean Your Cooktop with Minimal Fire Damage

Hello, and welcome to another edition of How To Clean Your Stove with Minimal Fire Damage. I will be your server and domestic engineer this evening as we review the incredibly super-exciting cleaning product, Affresh Cooktop cleaner.

First of all, let me just say that I’m a bit of a neat freak. We clean our stovetop at least once every five years, whether it needs it or not.

I know! I’m insane, right?

And it’s perfect timing really that the good folks at Whirlpool just happen to send me a free copy of their product, Affresh Cooktop cleaner right when that five-year cleaning anniversary was coming up.

It’s like they could smell the baked-on banana chickpea pudding and hamhock garden snail gravy all the way from Whirlpool Headquarters or something. So they totally get mad props for that.

What. The pudding and gravy weren’t cooked together, silly. That’s gross.

So anyway, I feel compelled to tell you HOW to use this product. Sort of a lessons learned thing. I could just tell you to read the simple instructions and be done with it, but I feel they left a few things out.

And so without further ado

Things You’ll Need

1. Affresh Cooktop cleaner (you can purchase this at any fine store that carries Affresh Cooktop cleaner)
2. One sponge. (as it turns out, I didn’t actually need this sponge because the cleaner (as a BONUS!) included 2 little scrubbers with it)
3. One very large bottle of water. This is for when if a grease fire starts.
4. One fire extinguisher. This is for when you remember that water doesn’t put out grease fires.
5. One phone. This is to call 911 when the fire starts and you’ve pretty much gotten yourself into a pickle trying to put it out yourself.
6. Lotion. This can soothe those irritating burns.

Baked-on guppy brain lasagna sauce doesn’t really hang out much on the actual cooktop, as you can see.

Baked-on guppy brain lasagna sauce does, however, drip down into the tray underneath, as you can see.

In preparation for the cleaning, let me help you save some time by telling you that instead of turning the bottle upside down and squeezing with all your might, you should note that the bottle may be factory sealed and that you should remove this seal.

If you have any trouble getting a grip on the tiny little tab to pull the seal off, just do what I did and use your teeth.

And since the documentation people for this Affresh product blatantly left out a few key notes on the back of the bottle, here are my very own customized instructions:

1. Clean the area following the directions on the product bottle.
2. At no time during the cleaning, should you “test” the area by turning on the burners. And if you do, avoid any settings with the word “HIGH” in them.
3. Water does not extinguish cooktop-related fires.

I’m kidding, of course. Every once in a while, water DOES extinguish cooktop-related fires.

But regardless of how much damage you cause to your kitchen, your cooktop will be clean, I can tell you that. No more guppy brain lasagna sauce residue here:

Wow! Look at that shine.

So in summary in conclusion and in brief, I have to say, Affresh Cooktop cleaner works, man.

Also? The fire wasn’t that bad.

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Thank you for watching How To Clean Your Cooktop with Minimal Fire Damage. Tune in next week when we bring in some notorious chef to make Guppy Brain Lasagna Sauce.