Have you ever driven down a scratchy, gravelly road in the Ozarks along a frog-infested pond, only to realize you left your bra at home (again) and what are you going to catch all the pollywogs with now? I should just set an automatic smartphone reminder for that each time and be done with it already.
But that’s not why I called you here today. No, today I wanted to bitch about my optical units. I’ve been at this 40-something business for a few years now and if it’s not one body part failing, it’s another. One of many ailments accosting me is my vision.
One minute I’m happy with my one pair of glasses that turn into sunglasses when I walked outside and the next minute it’s, “Oh, you need reading glasses, would you like to try progressives?” I try progressives (a fancy word for bi-focals, I think) and I get motion sickness, so I have to get separate glasses for reading vs. driving.
A few years go by and my vision gets worse, so I get new glasses but now I can’t see my computer with my new glasses, so I use my old glasses for “mid-range” and one day I realize I look like this:
Just call me “ten eyes”.
If I’m out and suddenly have to look at my phone, I lift up my glasses to see (because it’s faster than trying to locate my reading glasses).
I need a big ol’ necklace that looks like a mini-gun rack so I can whip out whatever corrective lens I need at a moment’s notice.
Meanwhile, since I took that picture the other day, I have managed to LOSE one of those pairs. If the progressives didn’t make me sick, I wouldn’t have this problem. I don’t suppose you guys have any advice.
They can find the Higgs-Boson particle, but they can’t invent proper eyeglasses that don’t make me feel nauseous?
And I can’t get that LASIK surgery because the last time someone told me about their surgery, I passed out, threw up, lost someone’s cell phone, and had to pay $75 to replace it and did I mention this all happened in a public place? Yeah, good times.
Hey, what about flip-up type glasses where you can rotate out whatever lenses you need, or something that mimics like they do during your eye exam while saying, “One? or Two? One? Or Two?” Why can’t they make glasses like that?
I mean, now that glasses are cool and hip, we need something new to dork up our faces, right? And what better than some 20 pound contraption that requires a helmet to stay on our faces?
Something like this….
only with…..skin.
Okay, now that I’ve collected myself, I was able to read the actual WORDS of this post.
My mom had the LASIK surgery and it was great. On the other hand my friend Will had the LASIK surgery and his eyes might even be worse now. So… yeah, I’d steer clear of that. Stick with your “ten eyes” – and good luck finding that lost pair!
I wear contact lenses 24/7. Plus reading glasses when I’m on the computer all day. And I’m only in my 30’s. No idea how bad my eyes will be in another 10 years.
PS: I may never stop laughing over that photo.
How awesome are you to laugh hysterically at my ten eyes. Thank you for that. And yeah, I am way too chicken to even THINK of getting eye surgery. I wouldn’t let them do the glaucoma test because it touches your eye. For as nano second. And you supposedly don’t even feel it. But IT TOUCHES YOUR EYE – GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! My hands are getting all clammy just typing it.
I’m with YOU, girl!
OMG!!! I am laughing SO HARD at that photo of you, I cant even read the rest of this post!
AHAAAAAAAHAhhHhahHAhahHHHHHHHHAHhHAhaHAHhahAHhahAhahHAhhHAhahHahHHahhAhHHAhaHAHhahHHAhahah
hee hee! I love the way you laugh. 🙂
🙂
First time reading your blog but have to tell you, I was reading an old Oprah mag today (from October 2010, I’m a little behind) and they had glasses that are adjustable! They are called Adspecs. Haven’t researched or looked it up at all so I don’t know if they are even still out there, they were listed in Oprah for 19 bucks.
19 bucks???? Sign me up! Meanwhile, I’m going to check out just what these Adspecs are.
I seem to suffer from the same affliction. The worst is going out to dinner with people and having to lift up my “progressives” so I can see out the bottom part. It’s either that or tilt my head so far back that my dinner companions can see all the way up my nostrils into my sinus cavities, which is just not all that attractive or appetizing during dinner. *sigh*
I’m constantly lifting my glasses up to read things. Going grocery shopping is probably the worst!
http://goo.gl/TEuuO
I’m the same. Glasses for reading and a separate pair for distance. Have to carry them with me everywhere too. My purse isn’t big enough for two sets of glasses. Isn’t it fun!
I always try to carry a small purse, so yeah, it’s a lot of fun!
Girl, you crack me up on any given day but this post had me laughing so hard I had to stop reading it!
Why thank you Ms. Syrup and Biscuits. How kind of you to say!
The problem for me is I always think I get the wrong prescription because of the darn doctor saying: “which one is better? A or B, 1 or 2, 2 or 3, B or C?” God, it drives me nuts, cos I know I’ve chosen the wrong lens. And that glaucoma test? Yikes. The opthmalogist gets so uncomfortably close too, don’t you think??
I know! I feel so much pressure trying to pick the right one! You’d think my life depended on it.
Margaret-I tried progressives over 10 years ago, hated them & never wanted to try them again but decided to recently after talking to people who love them. So I went to COSTCO (not where I got the progressives that didn’t work). The COSTCO tech who measured me for frames said that if the progressives don’t feel right, make me dizzy, etc. they need to be re-made & the issue is that the lenses were not crafted/made properly for my eyes & prescription. They took maybe a week to become accustomed to (& never made me sick/dizzy)
OF COURSE I lost them; I had a new pair made & THEN found them; so USUALLY I can track down at least one of them. Now my distance sunglasses are missing…..
Your Costco tech was obviously different from my Costco tech who told me I was SOL if I got dizzy from progressives in the past. What sux is I don’t have a vision plan so buying 4 or 5 pairs of glasses every year is getting old fast.
I can relate to the frustration of failing eyesight. My distance vision is pretty much normal (minus astigmatism), but close up just sucks! Trying to read the paper and having to keep moving it around so that the words are in focus is a pain. Yes, I have reading glasses, but like you said, they are not multi-functional. I really need to get a new prescription and new glasses. Sigh!
Seriously. And I only have one pair of sunglasses. Which means I can’t read anything with them like my phone. Or the paper. They’re just for distance as well. I could easily have 16 eyes or so.
I’ve worn trifocals (varilenses/progressives) for many years and had no problems with them. However, since my Glaucoma, I am finding it really hard to get glasses that I can see out of well, for more than a couple of months! My vision keeps fluctuating. I can see me ending up with two or three pairs soon.
I suffer with motion sickness, yet had no problems with progressives at all. Did it occur to you that there could have been a problem with the glasses? There is an awful lot of factors involved in getting it right for each individual. Even the shape of the frames and the angle they sit on your face can effect it. I’ve learned a lot about it lately 🙂
You could very well be right, Babs. But the know-it-all at Costco (a high quality optician center because they sell gallon-size ketchup and one box of straws that will last you the rest of your life) told me that if it didn’t work for me the first time, it was never going to work for me.
And we have to put our trust in these people.
Ohohohohoooo… The skull goggles ROCK! And it’s a good thing you don’t fish because don’t fishermen (fisherpeople?) need those special blue-blocker shades or something? hehehehe…
I’m gonna go with fishermen. Fisherpeople sounds too much like shiny happy people.
Remember the song, “Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words. . .killing me softly with his song. . .” And yet I find myself amused and comforted. I’m sorry you’re going through all this eye shit, but I’m glad it’s not just me.
The feeling is mutual, my friend. I, too, am glad it’s not just me.
LOL!!! I feel your pain. I have contact lens that are supposed to be “progressive” or some such crap, but I can’t read with them. So at the computer I put on my $20 Rite-Aid cheaters. Then I have glasses that I put on first thing in the morning that are also supposed to be “progressive.” They keep me from walking into walls, but little else. It’s a giant conspiracy by the lens industry.
Sounds like these Super Focus guys really are onto something then.
Ah yes. been there a long time. Welcome to the club.
Thank you. It’s a nice place and I love what you’ve done with it. 🙂
I know what you mean about bits going wrong once you’re past 40. I keep holding off and doing eye exercises to try and hold onto the eyesight I’ve got left.
You mean like eye push-ups and eye sit-ups? I tried that and it didn’t work. (Actually, I’ve more or less been wearing glasses since I was 6, so, I think I was doomed for life, really)
Margaret, as much as I would be thrilled to meet you wearing that awesome helmut/goggles thing, the lack of skin might freak me out a little. So I’m going to tell you to Google (not goggle) AdLens and EmPower Eyewear. Then ask your eyecare professional about them.
You’re welcome. 🙂
Holy crap, Nicky! How did you hear about this? I’m totally taking notes.
I work in the eyecare industry, Margaret. And now I’m going to dazzle you some more!! You should also ask your eyecare professional if the old progressives you had were conventional lenses or free-form. Free-form lenses are the latest technology and have less adaptability issues. They are, however more expensive than conventional lenses. But cheaper and less socially awkward than wearing 10 pairs of glasses at once. 🙂
Ha!! I have Progressives and I know what you mean. I don’t get sick but I can’t see my watch either!! Sigh!! Lasiks is a thought!!
Hugs
SUeAnn
I envy people who can wear progressives. Although if you can’t see your watch…hmmmm…
Oh gawd this sent me into fits of laughter. 😀 So now I understand why my head hurts when I wear my outdoor glasses when I’m in front of the computer. All along I may need a different pair for work.
That could be! 🙂
THANK YOU for this post! I have multiple glasses myself – mine are all related to reading – printed page V computer. I need different strengths depending on what I want and how tired my eyes are. Ugh. MY sister is a nurse for an Ophthalmologist and it makes her crazy that I stack glasses but progressives make me sick too.
Do you get car sick easy too? Cuz I do and I’m convinced that’s why I get motion sick from progressives.
Hi there 10 eyes – yep, it is confirmed one must have at least three pairs of glasses as the bodily unit goes all to h**l. Just gives us an excuse to fashion accessorize with frames …
thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com
I guess. I just wish progressives/transitions worked for me. I don’t like carrying around a suitcase for all my “accessories”.
Never thought about using my bra to catch ‘dem pesky frogs … 🙂
Anyway, been there, done that with the changing vision. Turns out I had cataracts. The lens replacement surgery is not bad. I highly recommend it … however [there’s always a “however”] since you probably read / write as much as I do, I suggest paying the extra money to get the lens that work for up close and far away. Growing old sure ain’t for sissies. Not even braless ones.
Amen, sister. Nope. I’m too much of a sissy to get eye surgery. I couldn’t even let them do the annual glaucoma test because I’m such a wimp. Let them touch my eyes, are you kidding me? Ack!
You should have goat eyes. We have very sharp vision and can see 240° around.
The publicist understands; she has a pair to see with, a pair to read with a pair for the computer and a pair to make jewelry with. She can never find hers either.
Yikes! I thought I’d be one of those old ladies with one pair around her neck, not 3 pairs.
The publicist says you both should start a club but she can’t see well enough to drive to get to you
now that I have reached the ripe old age of 45 it appears I can not put off reading glasses much longer. my arms are simply not long enough…
http://carmasez.blogspot.com
So a couple of years ago they (Lenscrafters) told me I had to buy the expensive kind of prescription reading glasses. Then this last time they (a different optician) say, oh no, you can just buy those cheapie off the shelf type. Gahhh!!!!