Have you ever wondered what would happen if you held your breath under water for five full minutes while juggling petrified dinosaur droppings?
You’d die. That’s what would happen. What a stupid question — I can’t believe you asked me that.
Anyway, that’s not why I called you here today. This meeting’s agenda is about the trials and tribulations of losing your lunch. Or in this case, dinner.
One of my husband’s favorite meals is beef, be it tri-tip or pot roast or whatever, accompanied by white steamed rice and cucumber salad. The weirdo likes to pile each dish on top of each other like a sundae with beef on the bottom and the cucumber salad on top.
Blech.
I personally, don’t like any of my food touching each other, which can be challenging at holidays, but I’m determined not to have my mashed potatoes taste like green ambrosia marshmallows. I want each thing to taste like itself, not like its neighbor.
Where was I? Oh yeah, cucumber salad.
This meal is easy to fix and my husband was really looking forward to dinner. Did I mention it’s one of his favorites?
So he pulls the tri-tip off of the barbeque, the rice cooker beeps its ready signal and we’re completely in sync, like a musical dance in the kitchen of food preparation. The table is set (and by table, I mean the TV trays on the couch because we are about to watch the exciting adventures of Doctor Who).
All I have to do is pull the made-ahead-of-time cucumber salad out of the refrigerator and we are ready to go!
I swing the refrigerator door open.
I grab the salad off the top shelf and…
And that’s when the music died.
{SIGH}
Underwater Image Source: Zeevveez
Green ambrosia marsmallow salad probably improves and gives real taste to potatoes. Potatoes are pretty bland and I think that’s why we slather them in butter, sour cream, salt and pepper and Italian salad dressing.
The close-up photograph of the assassinated cucumber salad, face down on your kitchen floor is priceless. You are really good with a camera. You can almost count the seeds in each cucumber slice and the spoon you used to finish them off by beating them to death is a great added touch.
I wish there were some way you could warn us when a blog post is exceptionally funny. I was eating a basket of popcorn when I read this and I laughed – I belly laughed and the popcorn went all over my keyboard. I could see tiny pieces of popcorn stuck under the keys. I couldn’t get them out so I threw the keyboard against the wall. I do have a question. Do the keys on the keyboard pop right back in as easily as they popped out?
Hmmmm, that’s an excellent question, Ben. I’m gonna have to google that one. Nevertheless, I appreciate your compliments and am therefore only partially sorry about the loss of your keyboard, as it’s only partially my fault that I made you throw your keyboard against the wall. 😉
Oh dear, the music died when the dish landed. How sad to see the cucumber salad on the floor.
Speaking of pointless facts: did you know that if you take all the veins out of a body, and lay them in a straight line, you end up with a very dead person?
Yes, I was stunned too.
Ha! You kill me. Er, so to speak.
“I personally, don’t like any of my food touching each other, which can be challenging at holidays, but I’m determined not to have my mashed potatoes taste like green ambrosia marshmallows. I want each thing to taste like itself, not like its neighbor.”
DITTO!!
Oh man!! What a mess!
RIP Cucumber Salad!
Yes, Meleah. It was a sad day indeed.
I would have passed on all the rest of the meal, and had what is on the floor. Seriously, I love that stuff that much.
Wow. Well, in that case, I will be sure and call you the next time it happens, because it was such a shame to waste. 😉
Beef with rice and cucumber salad?? Gads, he is a sick, twisted individual. He must be held for indefinite quarantine at Guantanamo Bay for the protection of humanity. Thank God I am sane enough to have a normal meal of vomit-flavored Harry Potter jellybeans with ketchup and maple syrup.
vomit-flavored Harry Potter jellybeans with ketchup and maple syrup??? Well, that sounds…..er…..yummy.
🙂
Well, Shit! That’s unfortunate….I am kinda with the rest of the comments though…your floor looks pretty clean and a few little flecks of dirt won’t kill anyone. I would be scooping it up, I think. But Margaret, I promise if you come to Kansas City and eat at my house the food was NOT scraped off the floor. I am pretty sure, that it will be totally floor-lint free.
Hey man, what happens in the kitchen stays in the kitchen, so as long as I don’t know about it….. 🙂
Tell the truth… Did you look over your shoulder to see if your husband saw what happened in case in that split second you could have scooped it up and pretended it didn’t happen??? Kidding of course, sorta 😉
Hope your Thanksgiving is great with no spills.
xo jj
He was standing right behind me, so I couldn’t get away with it……THIS time. 🙂
“Luckily, since our floors are so clean they have a 5 minute rule instead of a 5 second rule, we were able to save a good percentage of it. It didn’t have much of its sauce because that would have just been gross! I just told my husband that I was trying a ‘drier version’ of the salad. He just shrugged and piled it on top of everything else.” 🙂
Hey, did you just make an addendum to my blog post? If so, brilliant! 🙂
Hey Margaret! So, you’re a “separates” eater, eh? The sister of a friend is that way; the ice cream cannot touch the apple pie, and separate bowls are usually required. She also eats them one at a time. Just between us, I think she’s a little bit strange, you know? 😉 *ahem* But then, I am one of life’s great inhalers, and rarely use cutlery. Roth x
I have a friend who has to eat one thing at a time too, Indigo. And she’s the only one I ever met who did that. Now there are 2 people in the world like that. I could only relate up to a point. I mean, how can you eat your entire bacon avocado chile cheeseburger before even TOUCHING one single french fry?
Jeeze, Margaret, we must be related. Last evening my friend CT dropped by after work and I invited her to join us for dinner. I stuck three potatoes in the oven to cook, had the steaks marinating and had already made the salad. Table was set for 3 and all was right with the world. I got the hot pan holder to pull the potatoes out of the oven and set the cooked potatoes on the butcher block while I poured us a glass of wine. I picked up the potatoes and walked toward the table to plate them when all at once, they started burning my hands severely. Yup, they all ended up on the floor. They were well cooked too, so they sort of splattered all over. Never mind. We’ll eat a bagette instead!
And then you blogged about it with pictures, right, Linda? 🙂
Hahaha made me laugh xD
Welcome to join my blog
Yourspecialdog
Awww, thanks, YourSpecialDog! 🙂
You crack me up. Nothing is wasted if it can be put in a blog post. God, I love you. 🙂
hee hee! Thanks, Jayne. You know that as soon as it happened, I didn’t move and told Ron to immediately go get my camera. One of these days, it’s going to get me in trouble, or kill me.
Why am I reminded by this song…oops there goes another rubber tree plant? But, in this case, it’s a cucumber salad. So sorry for your loss.
Thank you, MeMe. I appreciate your sympathy. Rubber plant, indeed. 🙂
I just upchucked looking at that “meal.”
But the photo, however disgusting, also provided me with a close look at your floor. And guess what? Your floor is very similar to my new floor in my new house, which means we’re practically married. Now who’s nauseated?
HA!!! As usual, MikeWJ, you kill me. Also? I love that when one posts a picture of something on their blog, you get all kinds of responses about the “other” areas of the photo.
Mmmm, cucumbers. I would lick that right up for you. I am not a fussy goat.
Although it would be better if it were apple salad.
And I don’t eat beef – I am a vegetarian goat
If it weren’t liquid on a hardwood floor, I’d call you in a second, Pricilla. As it was, I had to hurry with my pictures as someone was nervously standing by with paper towels waiting for me to “capture” the moment.