You know the evil stepsisters in Cinderella? The ones with control issues, who are mean, and quite possibly ugly? Did you ever wonder what horrible childhood they must have had in order to be so evil, because their behavior just doesn’t make any sense? Some of you may remember my talking about Wink last July: […]
nonfiction
Why I Will Never Own a Pink Cadillac
The richest people in the world are good salesmen: Donald Trump. Leo Iacocca. The Sham-Wow guy. Which is why I’ll never be rich. The thought of selling anything makes my fingernails itch and my sphincters cringe (and for you scatalogical readers, there is more than one). Complaining to you about telemarketers is like a stand-up […]
They Prefer To Be Called "Little Bugs"
Yes, we went to Hawaii last month, but that was for my Dad who walks real slow, is virtually blind from diabetes, and masticates for a minimum of a hundred minutes at each meal. And then has the audacity to complain (jokingly… sort of..) about how there wasn’t enough food. I left Hawaii after ten […]
Friends, Romans, and Commenters, Lend Me Your Ears
I come to bury the myths of Disneyland, not praise them. (and thus ends the Shakespeare references) I have experienced something infinitely more powerful than finding that secret Club 33 thing which pervades the air like a teenage campfire urban legend. I have cut to the front of the line through the use of the […]
