Who Wants To Spoon?

 

…where you grab your own size cup, be it Piggy, Extra Piggy, or the Super Oinker. Then you pick a flavor of yogurt and yank down the dispenser that poops out chocolate or vanilla and because you are five years old, you either giggle with your cohorts, or you stave off that gag reflex and remember the time when you were a kid and your cat left a stinky pile on your bedroom carpet because little Fluffy didn’t approve of the lackadaisical litter box cleaning schedule.

Then you shuffle over to the soup tureens full of caramel topping or pineapple sauce or cherry pie filling and ladle to your heart’s content:

  

Then you waddle over to the buckets of chunks and throw on things like brownies, or oreo cookies, or Snickers Bars:

Then you grunt your way over to the candy and cereal aisle..

 

where you can choose from such goodies as:

or some of these:

Also, you can’t decide among the gummy lions, or the gummy tigers, or the gummy bears (oh my!) and you’re so overwhelmed with gummy brains that you look down at your concoction and realize you should have snatched a bigger cup. 

You wipe the drool from your mouth as you roll over to the weigh station and balk at the cashier’s demands for an outrageous amount of coin for what you considered “just a few things” on your cup of poop.

Yeah, that place. 

You know what I hate about places like that? What really gets my goat? It’s when you’re plopped down at a table, snarfing down your Matterhorn and you gaze, heavy-lidded on a sugar high, at the people lined up for the register with their yogurty inventions and there’s that one guy who can’t wait to pay for his pile and starts to pick out things and EAT THEM BEFORE PAYING FOR THEM!  

I just want to get all Gomer Pyle on his ass and scream “Citizen’s Arrayest! Citizen’s Arrayest!”