When I walk out of the grocery store, I’m usually carrying forty-two bags of frozen fish sticks and Chocolate Peaberry SnarkFest Bananarama-nom-nom ice cream that weighs me down like so many elephants. I don’t have time to stop and chit chat with the clipboard-festooned eager beavers asking me if I’m registered to vote. So I try to look very harried as I whiz past them with my already-melting payload out to the car.
But even if I were only walking out with a wee bag of Trident, Ding Dongs, and a box of condoms, I am still not interested. Why? Because I resent that they are upsetting my plans of simply stocking up on a few urgently needed items. I’m a super indecisive person and I can’t make up my mind that fast and if I take more than two seconds to debate it before I say no, then I’ll feel guilty because you’ll think the longer I take to think about it, the more you should try to convince me otherwise.
And then there’s the very few times when I’ve decided to try to be nice and listen and then I get suckered into four phases of paying attention to someone’s speech which ends in the unpleasant surprise of asking for money. It’s just like those other times when I found myself belonging to yet another cult when all I wanted was a head of lettuce and some Milk Duds.
The bottom line is, every time I think I want to do good, I end up regretting having wasted my time. If I didn’t have any trouble walking away from people once they get going it wouldn’t be so bad, so I’d rather they just not even talk to me. I don’t want to say no, I feel bad saying no, so please, just don’t even ask me! I should wear a T-Shirt to do all my shopping that says, “No Solicitors – This Means You!“.
You know, it wouldn’t be so bad if they wanted to set up a table with a sign that explained what they were doing and then they could just shut up and let us come to them if we wanted to know more or help or whatever.
And with iPetitions, you don’t have to talk to anybody if you don’t want to. I can’t remember the last time I let anybody ask me to sign a petition in real life, but someone asked me the other day to sign one through iPetitions for her friend – something about trying to get her newly adopted child out of Haiti, lots of approved adoptive parents can’t get their kids right now after the earthquake, they can’t get passports so they can leave the country now, etc. It’s horribly tragic stuff and I sympathized with all the parents and signed away. See? I’m a compassionate person if you don’t accost me.
I realize there will never be an end to people begging for my attention and my money and my signature, so what the H.E. double hockey sticks am I supposed to do each and every time I’m accosted by these people? They can tell I’m a weakling and they pounce on me all the harder for it and I hate that and I don’t think I should have to tolerate it.
But this iPetitions thing. I can get behind that. Or maybe even an iPanHandlers site. It allows me to be private about my decision as to whether or not to sign or give. Because I like my privacy. Which is why I talk about all my personal problems on my blog for the world to see. Because I’m so private.
(Photo credits: everystockphoto, NYPL Digital Gallery)
LOL Oh so private!
In New York City, you cannot walk down the street without being asked something like “do you have a minute for gay rights,” or “do you have time to help close puppy mills.” The answer is 'of course I have time for both of those things.' Just not now. I shake my head and continue at my “I have some place very important to be 5 minutes ago pace.” I'm good with that.
OMG – YES! Shame on them for trying to guilt us like that. One of those “Have you stopped beating your wife?” situations. Grrrr!!!!!!
I've recently instituted a “Never talk to people who are holding a clipboard” policy. I hope that my resolve can hold out against by training.
It's pretty redonkulous the acrobatics I already go through trying to avoid the needy grasp of their eyes and the siren song of their damned voices; from sudden crossings of the street to feigned reading of signs which conveniently draw my gaze away from the curbside tellers of sob stories.
In all seriousness, some guy whose luck, admittedly, was phenomenally bad (one eye, one arm), came up to my 10 year old daughter and me in the store and gave us a sob story that I knew was false (because he had given it to me years ago), and I gave him several bucks to not look like a complete asshole in front of my daughter so that he'd go away, maybe get some food and be helped out in some small way and so that we could go about our business of enjoying the weekend. I had very mixed emotions about the fact that she was so moved by his pleas that she forked over 5 bucks, almost a third of her not very hard earned allowance.
There just wasn't anything reasonable to do other than hope that he actually used the money for something he truly needed. It was hard not to feel like some guy had conned my girl and I know that I'm going to be on the lookout for that guy so I can conveniently stumble into a gutter or break into an epileptic seizure to avoid talking to him again.
Sad that we can be such a thing as “too compassionate” and therefore taken advantage of because we are afraid of appearing rude, and when you have your kid with you and there's this whole teachable moment thing going on and you're stuck and what do you do? ACK!!!!!
True story: I once knocked over a Hare Krishna who tried to hand me a brochure and chat with me. I was late for an airplane and running at a full tilt with all my bags, so I consider his problem, not mine. I didn't even pause to see if he was OK.
And that's how most of these folks ought to be treated, if you ask me.
The petitioners are worse than salesmen. Pushy, following you around until you agree, when all you wanted was a damn fishstick!
Ahem! Please continue…
I agree…I don't want to be bothered!!
Mmm…I want summa that ice cream!
Yah, I hate having to avoid eye contact and all. I hate seeming rude, but that stuff drives me nuts. The absolute worst however, was at the mall one day and some guy from one of those kiosks that sell lotions and crap would not take my “no eye contact” for an answer and physically grabbed my arm and tried to squirt lotion on me. I thought hubs was going to knock him out. Maybe he should have. I hate those guys.
The only emotional terrorists allowed to loiter outside the grocery store where I live are the Girl Scouts. I'm glad, because petitioning humans interrupting the flow of my chores would make me extremely crabby. I'd have to start signing 'Martha Washington'. Or maybe 'Dinah Washington'. Or 'Dinah Shore'. Or “Pauly Shore'. Or something.
You know what we (and by we, I mean you because I'm too lazy) is start an iPetition to ban all petitioners and solicitors of any other kind (except for girl scouts, natch) from outside grocery stores.
I just use my big girl voice with a big old NO THANK YOU and keep walkin' like a Marine under attack! Except for those little Girl Scouts who I am just putty in their hands!
Have a great unsolicited day!!!
i KNOW this is a SERIOUS (snicker) post…but I could not get this portion out of mind…
“But even if I were only walking out with a wee bag of Trident, Ding Dongs, and a box of condoms, I am still not interested.”
visiting you is RUINING my innocence! LOL LOL
I noticed that Von's in San Diego had posted a sign just inside their stores telling customers to ignore and avoid the petitioners who set up by the cart queue outside. There's some serious legal mumbo-jumbo behind it when a grocery chain can't oust petitioners who usurp space the chain pays rent for. I want one of those t-shirts, so maybe you should petition your readers to see how many to order. I think I'll need a large, 'cause I like to cover my tummy, so, if I get them for the rest of the fam, that'll be four larges and two X-larges…I'm throwing in my son's Significant Other, which is really inclusive of me. We doing this by Paypal, or what?
I just hate the unsolicited no matter in person, on the phone, or in the mail.
iPetitions?
There's an app for that.
I tend to act like I'm deaf, dumb and blind whenever I encounter these people. They probably think I'm stupid and rude but I always get home before the ice cream melts. I too hate being accosted in public places. I don't mind the online petitions and I usually sign them, but don't get all in my face when I'm out running errands. (mostly because I'm easily distracted and I'll probably forget where I'm going.)
If you sold those t-shirts I would buy one. Since I'm short and look naive I guess I get accosted by people with clipboards all the time. Panhandlers too.
“A wee bag of Trident, Ding Dongs, and a box of condoms.”
Boy, do you know how to party!!
I hate when I am attacked by people outside the grocery store. I like the idead of iPanHandler, I think I'll set that up – I could use some extra money! 🙂
Thanks for the link for the Haitian petition, it is a great cause.
When thinking about you, private IS the first word that comes to mind. 🙂
I am so totally in agreement with you. They don't respect the eye-contact rule. If I don't make eye-contact, I don't want to talk to you. Stay the hell out of my space. Oh, look… I'm getting all surly just thinking about it.
Trident, Ding Dongs, and a box of condoms
Oh we've really got to go shopping together… that's on par with one trip I made where I was interviewed about my buying habits as I left the store – the contents of my bag that day?: oil, blank videotape, and condoms.
They said I had 'too few items', but I still wonder if that's the real reason they didn't sign me up for their buyer input programme… 😉
I'm bad. I never sign this stuff at the market, and I don't open my front door for any solicitors either. It drives me crazy. I take that back, I always open the door for Girl Scout cookies and chocolates from the school kids. I'm addicted to that stuff.
Every time I go to the grocery store I have to look out front to see who is stationed there, drives me nuts. Fortunately it has eased off a bit since the holidays.
I am just as an indecisive person as you are!
This cracked me up:
“It's just like those other times when I found myself belonging to yet another cult when all I wanted was a head of lettuce and some Milk Duds.”
And, if you ever find a t-shirt like that please let me know, because I would wear that in a heartbeat!
Fortunately I have not been bothered by these people. Maybe we don't have them, or maybe I just don't notice them.
I do notice (and I think he senses my fear/hesitation) a homeless?addict?beggar? every week who I try to avoid any eye contact with.
BTW I respect your privacy and love reading about all your personal problems.
Ha! I love your last line. It shows you totally “get” what I'm sayin'.
😉
We go to the Mall of America several times a year. On the top floor they have nothing but kiosks for small retailers who can't afford the overpriced rent of the mall. At first these were little mom and pop operations however now they are all chains headed up by immigrants who are not accustomed to the American way of not bartering and not being chased down by the proprietor of a shop. It's just like walking the beaches in Mexico. I simply grab my daughter by the arm, drag her at a fast clip and shake my head “NO” as I go by them.
Last night I had a woman come to my door (Sunday night at dinner time on my birthday) I wasn't too pleased. Turns out she was deaf and soliciting for something though I am not sure what it was because it was dark out and I couldn't read her flier and I couldn't read sign language. I just shook my head “No” but felt bad the rest of the night.
Trident, ding dongs and condoms….no wonder you don't want to stop and sign. Gotta hurry up and get home for a fabulous night of lovin'.
I know, right? Do you think that was TMI?
If by TMI you mean “Totally Marvelous Information” then yes. I'm probably not the right person to ask, anyway. I post pictures of the ass of my pants ripped out.
Yes, Girlscout cookies are the only thing I want to see outside the grocery store.
Yes, exactly! Girl Scout cookies. Because I know what they're about. They about selling cookies. And boy do I buy the cookies!
I so agree with you! These people should be shot down where they stand. I don't care what their f*****g message is, I'm in a hurry!
But I'm really more interested in your condom purchases. Are you in a committed relationship, or do you sleep around? Reason I ask is because I'm curious whether you already know what to buy (brand, size, etc) or if you buy an assortment so you'll have something that works for every guy? Do they make condom variety paks?? This is a serious inquiry.
Love your site! 🙂
cadenobrien – Ha! Well, for the record, I am in a committed relationship. I might even go so far as to say that I'm married. And that's about the extent to which I'm allowed to discuss my sex life, but I appreciate your concern. 🙂
I think you just need to remember to take your squad of attack goats with you each time you go out, and let them butt the heck out of any buttheads who bother you with their religions and their cults and their political agendas…
;- )
I agree with you 100% – Like the ipanhandlers site idea! LOL!!!
I got lost after the nom nom ice cream….
I totally sign every petition that those people are peddling in front of the store … I should probably sign them two or three times.
They get paid for every signature they get, so it takes all of two or three minutes to sign my name to whatever their cause is; or whatever they are trying to get on the ballot.
My mom always told me that she'll sign anything to get it on the ballot and let the voters decide what to do with it.
As to the solicitors … aren't those campfire girlscout cubs just too cute to pass up buying they wares that which they are peddlings? And it usually is only $1 and they accept credit cards.
Melanie – That's a good point actually, about signing it to get it on the ballot so people can vote for themselves. I just wish I knew ahead of time if that's all they wanted out of me: just a signature.