I stumbled on a Sacramento Bee news story about a guy, practically a kid, who was recently arrested for shining a laser at a CHP airplane. Excuse me, he was arrested “on suspicion” of shining a laser. Last year, another guy was sentenced for over three years for doing the same thing.

Personally, I think it’s kind of idiotic, no it’s definitely idiotic to play with the cops in this manner. Especially when you know what you’re doing is wrong (they found the laser thrown over the fence - a bit of an indicator)

But my question is, why should idiots like this take up valuable tax paid space in the pokey when there are violent criminals on the waiting list to get in? I say make the punishment fit the crime. I mean for God’s sake, make an example of him via non-jailed humiliation, not by giving him free lodging and three squares a day. He’s not so much a criminal as he is an idiot. I have a few ideas that I pulled out of my tukus just now for you, not that I have any idea what I’m talking about.

Six Ways to Properly Punish a Criminal

1. First, make him sit through several long and excruciating lectures given by a Ben Stein-like speaker and quiz him to within an inch of his life on the dangers of pointing lasers at airplane or helicopter pilots. Clockwork Orange him if necessary to make sure he’s “getting it”.

2. Confiscate the idiot’s laser pointer, citing his inability to use it responsibly, find out who the idiot’s arch nemesis is and make a loud big public deal presenting the laser pointer to his nemesis, preferably a guy named Meathead, making sure to tell him why he’s receiving such a cool toy. Make sure you tell Meathead to use it responsibly (i.e. do not point it at pilots in the air).

3. Fine his ass. Ten thousand dollars ought to do it. Garnish his wages because something tells me he’s not the type to pay bills on time.

4. Make sure his parents know about this fine mess he’s gotten himself into.

5. Community Service: As long as there is litter in the streets, there will be a need for people to pick it up. This task serves as a double message sender. Not only does it give him time to think about what he’s done, it also serves as a potential warning to him against littering. If people didn’t throw crap out of their windows, he wouldn’t have to be there picking it up. Maybe he’ll think twice about littering himself. He should also be made to wear a T-Shirt that tells everyone else working with him and people driving by why he’s there. On the front, it should say, “I’m an idiot” and on the back it should say, “I pointed a laser at an airplane pilot”.

6. Make him write 1000 times: I will never discharge a laser at another aircraft again. With a crayon. On a busy roadside billboard.

I ask you, how is this NOT better than sending him to the slammer?