As the four of us (Jane, Amy, the Freak, and I) schlepped through the parking lot at the Century Theatres in Sacramento, our bellies full of Elephant Bar food, we saw the long-ass line outside for Disney’s latest movie, Secretariat. One young man was walking back to his car flapping his free screening pass, “They’re sold out,” he said. “They told us we can’t get in”.
So we figured, OK, we’ll just go see “Easy A” instead of this movie, even if I was told I had tickets reserved in my name. Turns out my tickets (courtesy of BlogHer) were different than the other kid in the parking lot who apparently had won them from a radio station or something.
In fact, they were so different that we didn’t have to wait in line outside. Some Disney rep escorted us toward the theatre until a security guard came out of nowhere and asked, “Are you on the guest list?” and he whooshed us past the line inside where people were getting inspected and wanded and searched (I thought this movie was Secretariat the horse, not Secretariat, yo, the gangsta drug-dealing mob boss. Did I also mention the police cars parked out in front of the theatre?)
Anyway they took us right to a separate taped-off reserved section. I guess for “the press”. Ooooh, I’m the press now.
As a side note, I’m in the bathroom later and overhear two women gabbing about how Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to be there and that’s why all the cops. Well, I didn’t see him. So unless he, (GASP!) left during the end credits, he wasn’t there.
But you don’t give a rat’s ass about all that, you just want to know if the movie was any good right? Well, that depends. Secretariat contains no sex, violence, or drugs. There is no swearing. And there are no scantily-clad women. The only boobs we saw were outside - have you seen the Century Theatres here in Sacramento?
The movie starts slow and horribly cliche-like with the melodramatic funeral reception, and the graveside service….in the rain. This first part could bore kids to death because there’s nothing for them to grab onto in the beginning. There was nothing for me to grab onto. No character or relationship development among the family because the movie isn’t about Diane Lane’s character and her relationship to her family, yet they spend a half hour or so with her shallow and stereotypical relationship with her family. By the way, Diane Lane plays Penny Chenery, owner of Secretariat, the first race horse to win the U.S. Triple Crown in 1973. That wasn’t a spoiler, was it?
But then John Malkovich shows up with all kinds of wardrobe disaster awesome and saves the day. And the movie. And then the movie begins to pick up and now we’ve got horse racing and the excitement of competition and even though they get all platitudinous with the “Come on gang, by golly, you can do whatever you want to do in life and you have to follow your dreams and yada yada yada”, you can’t help but get into the innocent dreamy fantasy impossible but true story of a racing horse.
So yeah, there isn’t a lot of depth, or conflict for that matter, in this movie, but it is family-friendly and horsey and ultimately, entertaining. Like Apollo 13, even though you know how it ends, you’re still on the edge of your seat every time “they’re off!”. And the cinematography of the races is exciting and gorgeous.
So if you’ll pardon the cliché, this movie may be the “Feel Good Movie of the Year”. If you want a fun ride, I say go see it.
