Capitol Garage: An Ignorant Restaurant Review

I know Sacramento, or Cap City, as we cool cats call it, is trying to be all trendy and groovy and whatnot, but I wonder if anybody is overdoing it.

Take for example, Capitol Garage. According to several websites, they are “Sacramento’s first and only Super-Micro-Supper-Club”.

Whatever THAT is.

Last I heard, this place was one of those hip coffee joints. I can’t keep up with all The Grid’s progress.

But seriously. What is a Super Micro Supper Club? Because supper clubs, I imagine to be like the clubs you see in old Hollywood movies and Ricky Ricardo’s club on I Love Lucy (what was that called? The Copa Cabana? the Pink Banana? Something like that).

Anyway we never saw more than three or four tables on that show, so imagine how many tables a Micro Supper Club would have. One and a-half, maybe?

Now, imagine how many tables a Super Micro Supper Club would have. Exactly, good luck making reservations there:

CAPITOL GARAGE: Capitol Garage, may I help you?

ME: Yes, I’d like to crouch in the northeast corner for 45 minutes on Saturday beginning at 8:45pm please?

I feel like whoever started categorizing supper clubs stole the idea from whoever started categorizing black holes. I watched this show on the History Channel and they started describing black holes. Then they differentiated them from massive black holes. Then they started talking about super massive black holes. It went on and on.

So this used-to-be-coffee-joint now has a menu. A Super Ultra Extra Tiny Micro Menu which includes things like Peasant Lunch items. I ask you, what the hell is a peasant lunch? A piping hot bowl of sinewy gruel drizzled with a mild sewer water sauce and capers?

And is there a dress code? I mean, are micro-mini’s required? Is there a wooden cutout sign with a hand like you see at amusement parks that says: “Your skirt must be THIS high to enter”?

I’m obviously not hip enough to come to this place. Which is OK, I probably wouldn’t find parking anyway.

Capitol Garage
1500 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95814

P.S. While you’re up, would you mind voting for Nanny Goats in the CBS Local Most Valuable Blogger Awards? It’s just one click, that’s it.

Spread the good word:

http://pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com Pricilla

I did not see apples and grain on that peasant menu so I will not be going. And I am sure they have some silly rule about “no animals with hooves” anyway. As if I would make a pig of myself. Harumph!
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

You should just open your own goat super micro supper club, Pricilla. You can call it Pricilla’s Yurt and Hay Bistro. Or something like that.
http://www.RobynsOnlineWorld.com Robyn’s Online World

and to think you aren’t a food writer with that appetizing lunch description!
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

I know! I’ve clearly missed my calling.
http://wmljshewbridge.blogspot.com/ Lorie Shewbridge

Alright, when they start describing pizza as having “opal basil pesto, grilled organic yellow squash and eggplant from full belly farm” on it, I KNOW that it is NOT the kind of place for me. What the hell is wrong with sausage and black olives with extra cheese.
YIKES!!
http://www.teresamowen.com Teresa

“Peasant Lunch”? Every time I hear the word “peasant” I think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail where they’re saying, “Bring out yer dead”. I don’t think of food, or at least not food I’d pay for.
Bobbi

I think Ricky’s club was called the Pink Cabana Banana.
Bobbi

And I voted for you!
http://www.enterthebetween.blogspot.com Margaret Duarte

I voted for your site. Good luck.
http://www.dogtrainingshock-collar.com Jbcwill1

Restaurants are a very trendy business and it comes down to service. if your service is good and your food is good, you will do well. Now you have to add a trend and some atmosphere to the latest club scene. I am too old for it anyway.
http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

“Your skirt must be THIS high to enter”? - AhahhAHhahahHAHHAhah!
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Thank you, Margaret! (Still trying to get used to saying my own name to someone else.)
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Yes! The Pink Cabana Banana. That sounds about right.
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)
http://www.shoot-me-now.com Katherine Murray

Oh I would SO not make it in there… I couldn’t get a mini to cover one butt cheek!
joanna jenkins

Hey Margaret, If this goat thing doesn’t work out you can always be a food critic You crack me up.
xo jj
PS I blogged about your new book today!
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Joanna, Thank you! I swear I’ve been meaning to get over to your blog!
Grammy

I know nothing of the Capitol Garage (except the actual one where State employee fleet vehicles are) but there is such a thing as a Peasant Lunch, and the stuff on that menu you linked to doesn’t resemble it. I’ve been eating the Peasant Lunch at Fox & Goose Pub (on R Street) for a zillion years, and it’s wonderful: cheese, fruit, and a little personal loaf of bread. I always imagine it’s what a goat-herder would have in her little satchel that is slung over her shoulder when she takes off to the grassy hills. It’s best with a pint of Harp, but a good slug of red wine would nice, too.
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Ah, the Fox and Goose. I have to get myself over there more often. I work right around the corner from it fer Criminy’s sake!
http://twitter.com/MsChick74 Ms. Chick

A super micro supper club must be the same thing as an ultra lounge. Remember when they were just lounges and pretty much just at hotels?
http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

And what the bleep is an ultra lounge??? I think they’re just making all that up.
http://www.smartdogjerky.com/ Venison jerky

Lol…funny
http://shoreultralounge.com Long Beach Bars

LoL…micro dress code at micro clubs, I doubt how micro would that be.