Open Letter to NBC Regarding the Pair O’Lympics

Dear NBC,

That’s right-”Pair”. Because there are two of them. Olympic Games, that is. Please make a note of it. Since you’re hogging (or whatever you broadcasty people call it) the rights to cover them, then cover BOTH of them.

The 2012 Paralympics were the most-watched, best-attended games of all time, no thanks you. Because you wouldn’t let us SEE the Paralympics. And neither would the BBC, for that matter.

And I’m too chicken to watch them via the questionable, smells-like-bit-torrents “proxy anonymizers” in order to fool the BBC into thinking that I’m not an American trying to sneak in to watch their coverage of the Games.

I can only assume that you assume that we aren’t interested in watching a bunch of disabled people competing in some pseudo version of the “real” Olympic Games. At least that’s the message you’re sending to us and the rest of the world, so thanks for that, you bozos. And if my assumption is true, it’s one of the most egregious, disgusting, and insulting assumptions of yours I’ve ever seen.

The whole thing reeks of discrimination. And it’s not just you-my spellchecker won’t recognize “Paralympics” either, so I’ll be writing them as well.

Did you even think to ask us if we wanted to watch the Paralympics?

Not only would the millions of disabled Americans be inspired by watching others like them sweating out their heart and soul to win a gold medal, but every mother, father, sister, brother and friend of theirs will watch them and be inspired too.

So, if you do the math, that’s pretty much everybody. Is everybody a big enough audience for you?

The human interest stories alone would kick the Olympics Games’ asses.

Vladimir Putin said

The example set by the Paralympians is inspiring and giving hope to millions of people. Each step that you take and every success you enjoy deserves the deepest respect, and we will always get behind you. — via sochi2014.com

So put THAT in your assumption pipe and smoke it.

Not only that, Paralympians have a better image in the Integrity Department. How many doping stories came out of the Paralympics? Not that we’d know if they did because YOU DIDN’T COVER THE PARALYMPICS.

Covering the Paralympics would give the athletes the exposure they (and we, the audience) deserve. They have every right to become the topic of water cooler conversation here in the U.S.

Thanks to you, the only reason we recognize the name Oscar Pistorious is because he competed in the Olympics. Hello? He QUALIFIED to run in the Olympics! Of course, we didn’t get to see him win gold in the Paralympics because YOU DIDN’T COVER THE PARALYMPICS.

And I’m sorry but your lame ass 4-hour unpromoted non-live attempt at “coverage” doesn’t count for poo in my book. Oh, I know, it’s more than four total hours because you also plan to air a 90 minute highlight special a week from now. A week from now? Now that’s it’s all over? Really?

I was able to watch the Paralympic YouTube Channel to get my Paralympics on, so nuts to you, pal.

Also? My new boyfriend Oscar is hot.

So there’s your female and gay audience right there.

The good thing is, you don’t have to wait 4 years to redeem yourselves as the 2014 Winter Paralympics in Sochi is in a short 18 months! That is, if the IPC (International Paralympic Committee) agrees to LET you hog all the rights again. Or whatever you broadcasty people call it.

I only ask one favor, and maybe I need to cc Comcast and all the other cable and satellite providers on this one. Please reorganize your other 47 NBC channels so that they aren’t so close to the adult programming. When my mother-in-law stayed with us this summer, it was a bit awkward scrolling past the ubiquitous porno channels of athletic uncoverage to get to the channels of athletic coverage. (Please refer to Exhibits A, B, and C below)

 

Exhibit A:

 

Exhibit B:

 

Exhibit C:

 

Thanks for listening.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mags

 

(Magazine cover photo by Kristen-Lee Moolman for the November issue of GQ South Africa. via Art8amby)