Culture, Schmulture, Where’s the Can?

Dear Art Gallery Beeyotch,

You had a chance to promote your gallery, yourself, and the potential to sell a few pieces of art. But you chose instead, for some unknown reason, to judge my friend and me. Was it something we wore? Something we didn’t wear? Not that you looked. You are clearly a bitter, bitter woman who either flunked out of Sotheby’s Art Academy, or couldn’t even get accepted and have had to settle for managing a gallery in a substandard city that is beneath you. And that bitterness shows.

I would think that if your job is to SELL art, that you might spend some time trying to SELL that art. If you think people from Sacramento are lame and uncultured, why not try educating them so they can appreciate what you have to offer. When we asked you if the artist was local and had a website, you sneered and said that he might, but you wouldn’t help us with that information. I tried to take this as a poor attempt at humor, and forgave you this blunder, and presumed this meant that if we wanted to buy his art, we would have to buy it through you, but you did everything in your power to prevent us from becoming interested in purchasing from you. You never stopped once to turn around and look me in the eye and engage me. I know if I came in again next week, you would not recognize me from the week before.

You know nothing about customer service or sales. When a potential buyer comes in and brings up the possibility that an artist must have a website because it’s probably a great tool for promoting and selling their own work, you do not say, “Well, not really.”

And you do not hire assistants who simply mirror your ability to contradict the customer. I explained to your mini-me, that I know how some places forbid photography. I was trying to demonstrate a courtesy to you and the artist. But instead, your “helper” used it as an opportunity to condescendingly tell me how a true art appreciator would never be so gauche as to photograph someone’s paintings and besides, the pictures on THEIR website would be far superior to anything I could take (was she referring to the gauchely taken ones or the non-gauchely taken ones on their website?) Clearly, I appeared inept in every way, including that of a photographer. I mean, look at this piece of shit photo… you can’t even tell what it is, right?

The Persistance Of Bunnies by Mark Bryan

Do not ask me why, but I tried to engage your better half in conversation by mentioning the idea of how you couldn’t photograph the Mona Lisa, and she jumped right in and said, “Yes you can.” Why the hell would you continue to boldly contradict the customer like that? When was the last time you garnered a commission from THAT approach? Since she decided to take me literally and get argumentative about it, I stooped to her level and informed her that I knew for a fact, based on experience, that you were not allowed to photograph (with or without flash) the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel. I should have said “Sixteenth Chapel”, just to see what she would have said. But she neither confirmed nor denied my claim. Why? Because she’s never been there! So HA! I guessed I showed you and your little secretary there.

Anyway, I circled the gallery and came back to try again. I thought I might appeal to the self-centered part of you by asking what you thought of the artist, if you’d met him, what you thought of his work. Granted, you let me see one side of you I’d never seen before. Your left side. But it wasn’t long before you flashed me with your back again.

Do you think Mark Bryan would appreciate such poor representation, hearing about how you refuse to talk about his paintings to someone who probably makes way more money than you, you mere docent? If you knew anything about his work, you did not demonstrate it. Your unprofessional attempt at art snobbery came across as tart snottery. You obviously had no idea who I am and how powerful my words can be when wielded against your sorry ass. I mean, my good woman, I could eat your lunch for breakfast! Dare I say, I…drink…your…milkshake!

My point here is that as long as people like you are running the art galleries in Sacramento, the cultural IQ of the area will continue to stagnate and wallow. In other words, fuck you and the tight-assed easel you rode in on.

And another thing, I hope your face freezes like that.

Sincerely Yours,
Nanny Goats

P.S. If you like something, you’ll tell one friend. If you don’t, you’ll tell ten. If you have a blog…

So anyway, there’s this new artist whose work I found compelling. He’s got a bit of Dali, Alice In Wonderland, and Wizard of Oz with some clowns, robots, bunnies and politics thrown in. Do check his website out. Not only did I find the website by merely Googling his name, but also because the art gallery where I first saw his work had it, along with the artist’s contact information, visibly displayed at the front of the gallery. As opposed to the back, where the “experts” are, who can’t help you with that kind of information.

This here’s another shitty photygraff of a painting I had tooken while scratchin’ my crotch in public and spittin’ on the floor while sneakin’ a chug o’ moonshine from the jug in mah overalls.:

Again, here is Mark Bryan’s Website, since I’m so stoopit I kan’t remember the shop that showed the nice pitchers, so y’all won’t be able to buy nuthin’ from them. Duhhhh……….What’s this button do?

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Nanny Goats Shout Out

A big shout out to Domestic Glamour who has so generously added Nanny Goats In Panties to its Blog Roll. Domestic Glamour’s post entitled: Bathrooms are Not For Food, Drink Or Toys may find all parents nodding in sympathy.

Also, a big THANK YOU goes to WillThink4Wine for putting Nanny Goats In Panties on her list of Five Blogs That Make Her Day. Big HUGS right backatcha darlin’!

* * * The following is for NGIP Loyalists Only…This means YOU! * * *

If you’ve made it this far, could you extend Nanny Goats the favor of clicking on this link or the Humor-Blog logo on the left hand side of this web page? At press time, Nanny Goats is rated #88 on the site (having climbed over nearly 900 sites to get there). If we get to #50, then something faboo happens with the traffic because our posts will suddenly appear on Humor-Blogs’s Home Page! Then some executive from some major movie studio like Sony discovers the awesomeness that is Nanny Goats In Panties and we’re inking a screenwriting deal like THAT! And all because of you guys.