The Dangers of Shopping Alone

I kind of needed you there at the time before I did anything stupid, but I went ahead and bought them anyway. And now I'm afraid to go out in public because I don't know if they actually look nice on me or if the saleslady who accompanied me to the dressing room was merely desperate to make her commission.

So OK, be honest...

Does this suit make my butt look fat?

The dressing room lady told me this was slimming.

The saleslady said it was genuine Tortachelle, which sounded snazzy and exclusive and I thought I was getting a real bargain.

And you'll probably say the same thing about my hat, but again, honesty please...

Does this hat make my butt look big?

It's OK, you won't hurt my feelings. Tell the truth. Too much? Should I tone it down a little?

GAH!  See what happens when you let me go shopping without you?