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Wanted: Knowledgeable Farmer for Casual Online Game (Farmville)

Nov 17th, 2010
by Margaret.

Farmville

I can’t stop playing that insideous online game, Farmville, which is just ridiculous. Not only is it passe’, it’s not even fun anymore. I don’t want to play it, but the addictive lure of accumulated points, experience, and fuel with the ultimate and never-ending goal of attaining “Infinity” is a monkey on my back that I cannot pry off.

So I’ve decided to outsource it, pay someone to play this stupid game for me. This will be Farmtastic because then I can have a cool-looking farm for people to admire when they stop by to feed my chickens or slop my hogs. And people will think it’s me helping them water their Silver Maple orchards and fertilize their heirloom carrots. But it will really be my personal assistant, Cyber Me.

Cyber Me will help me maximize profits from my winery, grow those dang raspberries that have be harvested every two hours and have them NOT wither just because I decided to go to the grocery store or spend time with my family instead. I’ll never have to step foot on my farm again but I can enjoy the progress that Cyber Me makes in my stead and live vicariously, and therefore quickly, via weekly executive summary reports.

This, in turn, will give me more time to write because I only have about six weeks left to start on that novel re-write that I unwisely included on my list of New Year’s resolutions. That long list of one lousy resolution.

I’ll be putting the following ad up on Craigslist:

Intern Needed For Nonprofit Business

We are a small women-owned agricultural-based company in need of an intern with a real Can-Do attitude that wants to work in a dynamic deadline-driven environment. Responsibilites include but are not limited to:

Virtual winemaking. (Added bonus: all the virtual wine you can drink)

Virtual cow udder yanking.

Virtual peach picking.

Knowledge of that stupid and cursed addictive online game Farmville a plus.

No skills necessary, as we will train you from the ground up, although any level of computer operating skills a plus.

Occasional travel to other farms will be required.

Must be OK with wearing purple overalls 24/7. And a blonde wig. And disproportionately large blue eyes, like those Steve Madden pro-bulimic shoe characters.

Please a attach a resume and indicate your personal highest score on Bejeweled Blitz.

Experience in Bejeweled Blitz a plus.

It’s a win-win, really. I help reduce unemployment in this country and I gain 6-12 hours of extra productivity a day.

Big headed ads for steve madden

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Posted in: humor.
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  • http://jpooh.myopenid.com/ Jan from the Sushi Bar

    Wow…you have a psychedelic pumpkin…thingie and a sheep that looks like Elsa Lanchester. I’m like all in awe and stuff.

  • Lisasews2003

    You had me until the purple overalls. Oh and the weird social stigma placed on people addicted to Farmville, especially the ones who kill their children over it. But good luck finding someone!

    Smiles,
    Lisa

  • http://www.farvelcargo.blogspot.com Sue

    I think I can give up the Farm because there’s Pot FarmVille now. I sent you a friend request, dude.

  • http://pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com Pricilla

    The publicist’s farm has fallen to ruin because she has too much to do on her REAL farm.
    It’s a real shame when real life interferes with virtual life, isn’t it?

    A real butt from a goat hurts waaaaay more than a virtual butt. I can attest

  • http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/ Susan @WhyMommy

    And so. It’s come to this?

    :-)

  • http://topsy.com/www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/2010/11/wanted-knowledgeable-farmer-for-casual-online-game-farmville.html?utm_source=pingback&utm_campaign=L2 Tweets that mention Wanted: Knowledgeable Farmer for Casual Online Game (Farmville) | Nanny Goats in Panties — Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Margaret Andrews, The Comedy Ninja. The Comedy Ninja said: Wanted: Knowledgeable Farmer for Casual Online Game (Farmville) http://bit.ly/by4u5K [...]

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    I know! I can’t decide at what point Farmville jumped the shark - I don’t think they necessarily expected it to keep going this far.

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    But you’re okay with the purple hay and the poncho llama? :D

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    Pot Farmville - HA!!!!!

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    I noticed your unplowed crops and I’m hoping that by confessing here I will have the will to finally stop.

  • http://cowpattysurprise.blogspot.com Nezzy

    What, now wild~eyed cows on your farm??? Ya’ll can’t have a real farm without some wild~eyed cows!!! Hey, I’m up to my ankles in the real deal…manure and all!!! :o )

    You make me laugh girl, have a beautifully blessed day!!!!

  • Anonymous

    I gave FV up for Lent last year and never went back. Oh what 40 FV free days will do for you.

  • Mike S.

    I’ve actually learned to turn FV into an “escape haven” by having only trees, cats, goats, a sheep, and a cabin. No more planting & harvesting. Sold all the rest off. Now I go if & when time allows, no more than 45 min at a time, and limit it to opening & sending gifts, etc. A bit of harvesting trees & critters, but no need to do at a certain interval.

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    That is an excellent idea, Mike. Take control of your farm, don’t let IT control YOU.

  • http://www.shoot-me-now.com Katherine Murray

    Yup I did farmtown for about a month…. My blogging suffered… I went cold turkey…. I think all my animals are dead now :(

  • http://www.bytesofginger.blogspot.com Ginger

    FarmVille what’s that? I never took the bite :-) . I think there’s a Farmville Anonymous somewhere….wanna try ‘em?

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    I know all about Farmville Anonymous. My cousin tried to get me to go to their meetings but I tried to tell her I can quit whenever I want. I think I still have their number here somewhere…oh yeah! here it is: 1-800-GET-A-LIFE

  • http://beetle-blog.com/ babs (beetle)

    AND they must also not mind being trapped 24 hours a day by purple hay bales, and have magic abilities in order to harvest without actually ever walking the field.

    Have you been to my farm lately? What does it look like now? I zapped it from my Facebook account many moons ago.

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    I haven’t been to your Farm in ages, Babs, but I’ll bet there’s plenty of cobwebs to harvest by now. :)

  • http://beetle-blog.com/ babs (beetle)

    What I did was not play for a week or two. That was enough for me to see that I liked the freedom, so I deleted and blocked the application just so I didn’t keep getting requests. I did it with MW too - Bliss!

  • http://www.katiegateswrites.blogspot.com Katie Gates

    Hilarious! As a person with addictive behaviors and a competitive, point-pursuing edge, I’m glad I never entered Farmville. I will take your post as a warning that I should keep it that way. (So, no, I’m not applying for the job…)

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    You are a wise woman, Katie. No, this job is only for suckers who have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. :)

  • http://www.thefiftyfactor.com/ Joanna Jenkins

    That’s another reason I don’t Facebook. There aren’t enough hours in the day. :-)
    jj

  • Slommler

    Ha!! I never got into Farmville so I guess I am spared the grief and aggrevation! Yeah me!!!!! Hope you find the perfect patsy…oops…I mean helper.
    Hugs
    SueAnn

  • http://savoauctioneers.com J. Bear Savo

    LMAO… You need cyber migrant workers! Cyber share croppers! That’s too funny.

    P.S. To hell with Bejeweled Blitz!

  • http://www.farvelcargo.blogspot.com Sue

    Just when you think you’re out, they drag you back in. Gah! How am I suppose to quit now with all these Thankgiving gifts out there? I just received a fruit cake and a casserole. FarmVille you addictive whore.

  • http://www.bytesofginger.blogspot.com Ginger

    lol.

  • meleah rebeccah

    I’ve never played the game Farmville. And, I wont. Simply because I know I would become immediately addicted and waste even MORE hours on Facebook than I already do!

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    Which is why you should just pawn it off on your twin sister. Because she’s got all day, right?

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    I am cracking up at the thought of someone else reading your comment complaining about getting a fruitcake and a casserole. You know what’s gripped me? Tree mastery. The bastards.

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Hi. I’m here about the job. I’d like to apply, but first I need to know what the salary is. I will, of course, require a minimum 6-figure salary. Oh, and I need 4 weeks vacation, paid of course. Also, what kind of health plan are you offering? What about a 401K plan? You will, of course, match my annual contributions, right? Oh, and I’m not much of a morning person, so I’ll be starting around 1:30 in the afternoon. I’ll need an hour for lunch, paid, of course. Oh, and I need to finish by 4.

    So, when would you like me to start?

  • http://www.wetookthebait.com Jeremy from We Took The Bait

    My wife traded in Farmville for Frontierville.

    One night, the laptop nearly crashed to the floor as Jess half-jumped with excitement.

    “Peanut shells!” she yelled. “Now I can make toys for my kids!”

    I smiled and nodded and continued watching the hockey game.

    (Flyers beat the Maple Leafs 5-2.)

  • http://theeadles.blogspot.com Alisha

    haha, those games are incredibly addicting. I was reallt into farm town for a while … then after some nightmares of wilted crops, dropped productivity, and creepy avatars, I realiezed I had to stop for sanitys sake. lol

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    Sounds like you would be a model employee, Nicky. :D Can I just pay you in Farmville Dollars?

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    I can’t believe the conversations I have with people that anybody who doesn’t play would think we’re crazy. I actually caught myself saying at a party to someone else who was a Farmville neighbor of mine, “So, how many shovels do you have to collect to get a chicken gnome, anyway?”

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    You know it’s a bad sign if you’re losing sleep wondering if your crops have withered because you forgot to harvest them 3 hours ago and I’m past that point, which is why I need an intern. :)

  • Anonymous

    I was this close to walking away last week when they had to dangle a Mayflower in my face. Sigh. Maybe next week.

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    Ha! Makes you just want to shake you fist at the sky and scream “Damn You, Farmvillllllllllle!”

  • http://iwasntbloggedyesterday.blogspot.com/ Bernadette

    hilarious……….(from someone who spends hours doing tasks and missions on frontievelle………..a warning…dont peek,jack will never let you leave)

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