Calling all goat farmers…
I got an email the other day asking if I knew anything about “no bark collars”.
Because her goat is barking too much, obviously.
Okay, but seriously, it’s for excessive goat bleating. So I’m throwing it out to you lot, because quite honestly, I don’t know a dang thing about goats, let alone barking goats. But YOU do. So please help an inquiring mind. Have you ever heard of no bark collars, or heard of using them, or know if they work? Or do you have an alternative solution to excessive goat bleating? If it helps to know, this is a “non-descript pygmy or dwarf goat.” Any input or insight you have would be greatly appreciated in the comment section.
In The News: Colorado State Fair Champion Goat Busted for Doping
Image Credit: Pueblo Chieftain
I’m not even kidding, and this story, which was originally reported in the Pueblo Chieftain has captured the world’s attention.
The champion goat from the Colorado State Fair, Theodore, was caught doping and was disqualified. When will goats learn to say no already? The family claims the food was tampered with while they were at the fair, but cheaters will say anything for the prize money, won’t they.
Congratulations to Janna of Thinkhouse Collective who won 2 delicious jars of Nacheez. Apologies to the rest of you for not winning. You can, however, still get some by visiting nacheez.com.
I’m not THAT picky or selective. I will follow nearly everyone back on Twitter. You know, the 99 percenters, if I may borrow a term. But here’s why I will never follow back those 1 percenters (again, if I may borrow etc., etc…):
1. You talk too much.
Homeboy, you never shut up. Like, every 4 minutes, man, what’s the matter with you? My poor Twitter software doesn’t need that kind of bloated strain.
2. You are an egghead.
As in, you have an egg for a profile photo. Maybe it’s a tumor, I don’t know. But you should have it looked at before you start mindlessly following people.
3. You have an identity crisis.
As in, you have no bio and no website URL on your Twitter page. And I have zero incentive to follow questionable, blank, aimless bandwidth hogs.
4. You don’t speak English.
Ever. Your bio doesn’t speak English either. How do I know you’re not some porno weirdo with a pinky toe fetish? I don’t. And that’s my point. All I need is for someone to point out the fact that I’m currently following some nasty ass child molester from Pervistan, and it’s very obvious according to his (or her) Tweets, only I can’t read Pervistanese.
5. You’re a Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am kinda guy.
You have 10 times more followers than followees AND it would appear that we have pretty much nothing in common. No blog, no fixation on all things Phillip Seymour Hoffman, nothing. This makes it painfully obvious that you have every intention on dumping me within minutes after I follow you back. Lessons learned is all I’m saying.
Would you add anything to this list?
And…. If you want to see if you’re one of the 99 percenters or the 1 percenters, try following me at @nannygoats and see what happens. And give me more than 48 hours to reciprocate, you impatient slag.
I do not like vegetables, Sam I am.
I will not eat them in a car.
I will not eat them in a bar.
Not in a boat.
Or in a Maresy Dote. (or a Dosey Dote, for that matter)
So whenever I hear that someone is a vegetarian, or worse! - a VEGAN (ack!), I can’t relate. How can you not want the juicy medium-rare goodness of a Filet Mignon. Or the sweet, sweet mouth-watering manna that is an In-N-Out Double-Double, animal style?
And OMG, don’t get me meated on the meat-eater’s meat of all meaty meat meats…….
bacon.
So anyway, vegans. I’ve met a few. And I have one vegan friend, Ilsa, who is totally one of those hippie tree-hugging animal-loving freaky freak vegans with a capital V.
And I love her.
Fate brought us together one day in Row 3 on the port side of a Southwest flight bound for L.A. when I lived down there and she lived in Sacramento.
And then one day she made some cheese sauce. (Not to be confused with Guppy Brain Lasagna Sauce for those of you who read last week’s recent post about cooktop cleaner, because fish brains? Not vegan.)
It was nacho cheese sauce. And she made it. And it was vegan. And it was good.
It was so good that she went to a manufacturer with the recipe and now they make it for her and put it in jars with actual labels and sell it at stores and everything.
Nacheez (as in “not cheese”, get it? Not cheese?) is slowly but surely spreading across the country as the best tasting vegan nacho cheese sauce ever.
I brought a jar of Nacheez home one day to my very picky eater of a husband who is loath to try new things and you have to hide the fact that anything he’s eating might be healthy.
I heated some Nacheez with tortilla chips on the side and placed it in front of him. After a few dipped chips were consumed, I began throwing out caveats and waivers to lower his expectations and said, I realize this probably doesn’t taste like the “other” nacho cheese sauce you like but-”
He held up a hand and stopped me.
“Are you kidding?” he said. “That other cheese sauce is the benchmark against which all other cheese sauces are judged. You take a slab of Velveeta and throw in some salsa in the microwave and you’ve got yourself a meal. This tastes just as good if not better. This stuff is good.”
Yes, he really said “benchmark”.
I know.
So there you go. A screaming non-vegan (okay, two screaming non-vegans) like Nacheez.
How this stuff can be meat-free, gluten free, and dairy-free (for all you lactose-intolerant weirdos) and still taste awesome is beyond me. And the entire jar? 140 calories. (aka 4 Weight Watchers points)
One more thing… She letting me give away 2 jars of this stuff - woo hoo! (But to U.S. residents only - sorry!)
***** NOTE: This giveaway is now closed *****
Here are the various ways you can enter:
1. Leave a comment somehow mentioning “Nacheez” in any way. This will help me determine if you are just leaving a regular comment or that you are interested in entering the giveaway.
2. Like Nacheez on Facebook. Leave a comment here, saying you did so. Or that you already do.
Come back here and leave another comment with the Twitter status link. Not sure how to do that? Read my helpful hint on how grab the specific URL of a Tweet.
* * *
Entries will be accepted until midnight Thursday night, November 3, 2011.
***** NOTE: This giveaway is now closed *****
Good Luck!
P.S. Here’s a list of the places where you can find Nacheez, many of them in the Northern California area - you know, where all the hippies live. And you can poke and prod your local vegan store, gluten-free store, or health food store to carry it.
Banana Nacheez Empanadas
The recipe for Banana Nacheez Empanadas can be found on the Nacheez recipe page.
Hello, and welcome to another edition of How To Clean Your Stove with Minimal Fire Damage. I will be your server and domestic engineer this evening as we review the incredibly super-exciting cleaning product, Affresh Cooktop cleaner.
First of all, let me just say that I’m a bit of a neat freak. We clean our stovetop at least once every five years, whether it needs it or not.
I know! I’m insane, right?
And it’s perfect timing really that the good folks at Whirlpool just happen to send me a free copy of their product, Affresh Cooktop cleaner right when that five-year cleaning anniversary was coming up.
It’s like they could smell the baked-on banana chickpea pudding and hamhock garden snail gravy all the way from Whirlpool Headquarters or something. So they totally get mad props for that.
What. The pudding and gravy weren’t cooked together, silly. That’s gross.
So anyway, I feel compelled to tell you HOW to use this product. Sort of a lessons learned thing. I could just tell you to read the simple instructions and be done with it, but I feel they left a few things out.
And so without further ado
Things You’ll Need
Affresh Cooktop cleaner (you can purchase this at any fine store that carries Affresh Cooktop cleaner)
One sponge. (as it turns out, I didn’t actually need this sponge because the cleaner (as a BONUS!) included 2 little scrubbers with it)
One very large bottle of water. This is for when if a grease fire starts.
One fire extinguisher. This is for when you remember that water doesn’t put out grease fires.
One phone. This is to call 911 when the fire starts and you’ve pretty much gotten yourself into a pickle trying to put it out yourself.
Lotion. This can soothe those irritating burns.
Baked-on guppy brain lasagna sauce doesn’t really hang out much on the actual cooktop, as you can see.
Baked-on guppy brain lasagna sauce does, however, drip down into the tray underneath, as you can see.
In preparation for the cleaning, let me help you save some time by telling you that instead of turning the bottle upside down and squeezing with all your might, you should note that the bottle may be factory sealed and that you should remove this seal.
If you have any trouble getting a grip on the tiny little tab to pull the seal off, just do what I did and use your teeth.
And since the documentation people for this Affresh product blatantly left out a few key notes on the back of the bottle, here are my very own customized instructions:
Clean the area following the directions on the product bottle.
At no time during the cleaning, should you “test” the area by turning on the burners. And if you do, avoid any settings with the word “HIGH” in them.
Water does not extinguish cooktop-related fires.
I’m kidding, of course. Every once in a while, water DOES extinguish cooktop-related fires.
But regardless of how much damage you cause to your kitchen, your cooktop will be clean, I can tell you that. No more guppy brain lasagna sauce residue here:
Wow! Look at that shine.
So in summary in conclusion and in brief, I have to say, Affresh Cooktop cleaner works, man.
Also? The fire wasn’t that bad.
***
Thank you for watching How To Clean Your Cooktop with Minimal Fire Damage. Tune in next week when we bring in some notorious chef to make Guppy Brain Lasagna Sauce.
Huzza! Huzza! At last, it has arrived! The Nanny Goats in Panties 2012 Goat Calendar.
And they’re much cheaper this year because I went through Costco instead of Zazzle. For the U.S. it’s $12.99 per calendar which includes shipping. For international (yes all you foreigners can get a calendar now too!) it’s $14.99 per calendar including shipping.
Many thanks to this year’s contributor without whom this calendar would not exist:
Congratulations to Janna of Thinkhouse Collective who won 2 delicious jars of Nacheez. Apologies to the rest of you for not winning. You can, however, still get some by visiting nacheez.com.
