Maidenhead, Revisited

I visited my first internet porn site today. And while I willingly clicked on a link to get to it, I didn't know that was where I was going. Although with a name like Assopedia, what did I expect? I'm no prude but Jesus Christ, I hadn't even had my coffee yet and I was just checking my web statistics to see where people came from to get here and this, this,... blog of blow jobs (for lack of a better - or cleaner - description) shoves itself in my face (so to speak).

But did I immediately click away? Hell no. Now that Mr Ass O. Peedia had my number on his stats page, it was too late to leave undetected. Granted, I didn't want to further be seen as lurking for more than 2 seconds, but I was on a mission, dammit, and I had work to do. So I scrolled through the muck, stepped over naked bodies and slurpy sounding links, looking for a reference to "Nanny Goats In Panties" because SOMEBODY got to my site from this godawful place. Somebody from Romania who should have been in church on a Sunday.  Praying to God to save his soul! Repenting for his sinful thoughts! 

Now I'm not a prude, or maybe I am, what the hell do I know? And I know that such sites exist. I just don't subject myself to it and when stumbling out of bed with bad sleep breath and eye-boogers, I'm not exactly thinking, "Yeah I could really go for some RedTube videos right about now". I've been to sex shows in Amsterdam for Chrissakes, but there's a time and a place, ya know? (And as Chef would say, it's called college).

This blog is just out there for any child to see - how do you parents keep your kids out of these places?

I shielded my eyes from the horror as I waded through looking for the NGIP link, certain I was breaking some law by being there (I told you this was my first time, a virgin if you will, a maiden voyage if you will again, on an "adult" site, I don't know what to do in these situations other than completely freak out).

I figured there must have been some mistake, you know, some random link generator that snatched (oops, pardon me) my blog's name thinking it was a good and nasty site involving nannies and their undergarments and slapping it (oops, pardon me again) up onto their link list. But I couldn't find it and I was afraid that any minute some internet cop was going to come (oops - darn these double innuendos!) over and arrest me and my face would be plastered all over CNN and my family would be humiliated (well, some might congratulate me, or welcome me over to their side, actually).

So I left that nasty place, swearing I would never visit it again. It's gross, demeaning to women, and shocking as all get out.

But not before I bookmarked it. You know, just in case the FBI needs me to testify against these awful, awful people, and I'll need a reference to jog my memory because no doubt I will repress these horrible, icky images until the trial.


* * *

I was going to wait until another post to thank Unfinished Rambling(s) for adding NGIP to his blog roll, because maybe he'd be offended at being linked to in the same post as the subject matter above, but then I remembered his post about man boobs, so he can't be all that upset about it. Granted it's not all man boobs all the time. Sometimes he talks about pens. (That's PENS! Without an "i", you pervs.) And any blog that pictures and quotes Christopher Walken's SNL dialogue rules.

NGIP would like to give a shout out to Extremely Funny for adding NGIP to his blog roll. I do this without hesitation, due to the fact that I counted no less than 7 scantily clad breasts on the first page of his blog, so I'm guessing he doesn't have a problem accompanying a blog post about [whispers-->] s. e. x.   Thank you Extremely Funny! You stumble and you rock!


And how convenient is it that I already have "weenie" and "taco" to choose from in my list of previously used labels to categorize this post? (...sorry, that was an inside joke between me and my label maker and it was tasteless and I should have kept it to myself... I sincerely apologize for that rude outburst.)