Have You Ever Faked It?

Today I am celebrating my 503rd post. Why? Because everyone else celebrates on multiples of a hundred and I'm a rebel, man.

Also? What if you announce and make a big deal out of the fact that this is a milestone post, sending whoopie all over cyberspace and then the post itself sucks? Like, a lot. Then what?

Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Neil from Citizen of the Month was talking on his Twitter feed about fake tweeting and I thought, 'Now why didn't I ever think of that?' Nothing that brilliant ever occurs to me. I'm completely incapable of thinking outside of the box.

Even when I was a kid, I had no imagination. For example, I never thought to bring a gun to school or disobey my parents and drive into a tree just to see what would happen. It's as if I'm on some honesty bullet train and I'm too scared to jump off and possibly scrape my knee.

Other people can lie without even thinking twice about it, but my face turns red if I try to deny guilt. And this is precisely why fake tweeting, or "fweeting", if I may coin a term (unless someone else already did), would be a perfect launching pad into a life of crime testing those boundaries.

I could say things like:

or:

or:

or even:

and no one would ever be the wiser. Buwha-ha-HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!


So... have you ever "fweeted"? Wait, forget I asked that, because if you're the kind of big fat stinkin' liar who would do such a thing, why would you confess to fake tweeting?

I'm hoping that by now you've forgotten that this is my 503rd post so that you won't get all Judgmental Jackenheimer on me. I mean, I don't want to have made a big fuss over this only to have you publish your big fancy review over on your big fancy blog that this post was just screamingly mediocre.

Dang, I probably shouldn't even have said anything.