Don't Ask Me, I Just Shop Here

When I walk out of the grocery store, I'm usually carrying forty-two bags of frozen fish sticks and Chocolate Peaberry SnarkFest Bananarama-nom-nom ice cream that weighs me down like so many elephants. I don't have time to stop and chit chat with the clipboard-festooned eager beavers asking me if I'm registered to vote. So I try to look very harried as I whiz past them with my already-melting payload out to the car.

But even if I were only walking out with a wee bag of Trident, Ding Dongs, and a box of condoms, I am still not interested. Why? Because I resent that they are upsetting my plans of simply stocking up on a few urgently needed items. I'm a super indecisive person and I can't make up my mind that fast and if I take more than two seconds to debate it before I say no, then I'll feel guilty because you'll think the longer I take to think about it, the more you should try to convince me otherwise.

And then there's the very few times when I've decided to try to be nice and listen and then I get suckered into four phases of paying attention to someone's speech which ends in the unpleasant surprise of asking for money. It's just like those other times when I found myself belonging to yet another cult when all I wanted was a head of lettuce and some Milk Duds.

The bottom line is, every time I think I want to do good, I end up regretting having wasted my time. If I didn't have any trouble walking away from people once they get going it wouldn't be so bad, so I'd rather they just not even talk to me. I don't want to say no, I feel bad saying no, so please, just don't even ask me! I should wear a T-Shirt to do all my shopping that says, "No Solicitors - This Means You!".

You know, it wouldn't be so bad if they wanted to set up a table with a sign that explained what they were doing and then they could just shut up and let us come to them if we wanted to know more or help or whatever.

And with iPetitions, you don't have to talk to anybody if you don't want to. I can't remember the last time I let anybody ask me to sign a petition in real life, but someone asked me the other day to sign one through iPetitions for her friend - something about trying to get her newly adopted child out of Haiti, lots of approved adoptive parents can't get their kids right now after the earthquake, they can't get passports so they can leave the country now, etc. It's horribly tragic stuff and I sympathized with all the parents and signed away.  See? I'm a compassionate person if you don't accost me.

I realize there will never be an end to people begging for my attention and my money and my signature, so what the H.E. double hockey sticks am I supposed to do each and every time I'm accosted by these people? They can tell I'm a weakling and they pounce on me all the harder for it and I hate that and I don't think I should have to tolerate it.

But this iPetitions thing. I can get behind that. Or maybe even an iPanHandlers site. It allows me to be private about my decision as to whether or not to sign or give. Because I like my privacy. Which is why I talk about all my personal problems on my blog for the world to see. Because I'm so private.


(Photo credits: everystockphoto, NYPL Digital Gallery)