Confessions of a Foot Flusher

My name is Margaret and I am a foot flusher. I am not proud of this fact. I feel guilty every time I do it. I feel compassion for my fellow man (or in this case, woman) who has to use the stall after me and if she uses her hands to flush the toilet in a public restroom, she is pretty much risking her life because of what I've potentially stepped onto. Or into. And it is because of the unknown handle usage of the woman who has used the stall prior to yours truly that my hands will not touch the chrome stick of the porcelain god. (I know, I know, that's what she said).

I don't make a habit of taking pictures in the bathroom, but for you, my kiddies, I make the following exception:

So right now you are thinking one of two things:

1. Oh my God, you horrible horrible troglodyte! Who do think you are? It's people like you why half the potty stalls in this world are out of order. You are depriving many people of a decent crap because of your selfish ways. Do you have any idea how much it costs to replace a toilet flush handle? Well, I don't know how much it costs but I bet it costs a lot, I can tell you that!

or...

2. How in the hell did you take that picture and not slip and crack your head open on the tile floor? Or accidentally plunge your foot into the toilet. You are now my blog photo hero. Here's an award. No wait! Here's a million dollars because you, NGIP, are awesome.

And this would be my reply to either of your responses since it fits both, really:

I know, right?

Goat Thing of the Day: Goat Beer

Still hungover from the New Years festivities? Well, you know what they say is the best thing for that? Why, more alcohol, of course! How about some goat beer!





Cat Lady Larew (of How to be a Cat Lady Without the Cats) picked this up for her son for his birthday.

Tami (twinbush) showed me the following video of a masked goat. I apologize to my many many thousands and thousands of Kindle subscribers since they are unable to view video (unless, of course, they were lucky enough to get the Mondo Kindle Extreme C523i for Christmas). If it makes you feel any better, the quality isn't that great.




Happy New Year, everybody!

Is It Christmas Again Yet?

I got a pair of Keds for Christmas. Wanna see?





I know, right? My very own NGIP shoes! Woo hoo!

What about you? Did you get cool stuff for Christmas too?

Okay, good - now that that's over, it's high time you thought about gearing up for Christmas. Of 2010.

Why? Because if Rite Aid's behavior is any indication of this nation's priorities, we need to act now to stay ahead of the curve.

On December 21, 2009, which some of you may not know, is approximately four days BEFORE Christmas, Kim Tracy Prince (of House of Prince)  tweeted the following:

On December 21, mind you. You know what this means, right? It means that in June of 2010, they will be taking down Thanksgiving decorations and putting up Christmas stuff. And that means that on December 20th of 2010, they'll be putting up Christmas decorations again and some loser might say to the blue-aproned employees at Rite Aid, "Wow, this is so nice that you are only just now putting out the Santas and the Christmas music, so we don't have to be bombarded by it all for two months beginning in October."

And the oppressed drugstore employee (who's still pulling staples out of his head from the previous holiday decorating debacle) will say, "Oh, this isn't for Christmas now, it's for Christmas of 2011". Which he will pronounce "Twenty Eleven" instead of "Two Thousand Eleven" because the National Decorating Committee at Rite Aid has been pronouncing things using "Twenty" for awhile now. In fact, they just finished their meeting this morning discussing the "Twenty-Fifty" 4th of July holographic mobile hangings that will automatically and digitally convert into Four Leaf Clover mini-Hovercrafts for St. Patrick's Day of "Twenty Sixty".

In other words, if you want to see the future, shop at Rite-Aid.

Oh, and I'd like to wish you a Happy New Year, but I don't know if I should be sending out salutations for 2010, or 2011. 






Hey, remember that video game I wrote for? Coconut Queen, from iWin Games?

graphic courtesy of iWin.com

Well, it made Gamezebo's Best Picks of 2009 list - yay!

It's not too late to write a blog post about your New Year's resolutions and then link it up on NGIP's Resolutions Party Post. Also, MamaKat from Mama's Losin' It, is hosting a link up for New Year's Resolutions at her place, so you get TWO linkups for the price of one! After you link up, be sure and visit other bloggers on the link list.

Goat Thing of the Day: One-Horned Prince and the Gävle Goat

Jessica of Atlanta Mother's Guide sent in a picture of her kids.





Did you notice Prince Charming is missing something? Here, let me show you a close-up:

According to Jessica, the Prince was wasn't dehorned the right way as a kid, so now only one grows out kind of curly.



Have you guys seen this big-ass Christmasy thing in Sweden? It's the Gävle Goat and it's made of straw.

Photo credit. Via Scott (of Ergo)

New Year's Resolutions for 2010 (and not just mine)

Hello! And welcome to the This Time I Really Mean It! campaign of 2010.











Do we humans make New Year's resolutions because we aren't perfect and should strive to be better people? Or do we make them because we're pathetic individuals with low self-esteem who think we're never good enough and therefore need a list of Required Improvements to be considered acceptable? I mean, what's the point of making resolutions if 95% of them are never kept?

I know, I know, it's not the point that we don't keep them, it's that we TRY.

So, in the spirit of wasting time to pursue unattainable greatness, I give you my New Year's Resolutions of 2010. And this time....I really mean it!

1.  I started a novel and finished the first draft a couple of years ago. It would be nice if a revised version would see the light of day in 2010.

2.  I will let things go more often when people are in a foul mood, spreading hate and trying to take me down with them. I will not take their lashing out personally.

3.  Like just a couple of days ago, I'm in the grocery store parking lot, letting a pedestrian cross in front of me and this other driver who is off to the side and wants to pull out of his parking spot by driving forward instead of backing out, starts yelling and flailing his arms at me to get out of his way so he can do his somewhat illegal maneuver. What the hell is that about?

4.  And then there are the emotional terrorists (aka assholes). You can't let them get to you, either. You can't teach a jerk a lesson. That's just fantasy thinking. You shouldn't get into a fight that you can't win.

5.  And by fight, I don't mean physical fight, I mean a verbal one. Try telling the rude moron behind you in the movie theatre to get off the phone or take it outside. He will only kick your seat for the next ninety minutes and walk away smiling while you fume about it for three days. The emotional terrorist has won and you've sprouted five more gray hairs from the stress.

6. I would like to be able to accept the fact that life is not fair. The problem is, I was raised to believe that life is fair. I was raised to believe that people are rewarded based on merit. And that bad behavior is punished. This was before I knew about politics. And reality television. And financial bailouts.   

7. I mean, why should I be responsible while others are being enabled for their lack of responsibility? Man, it's a good thing this is a humor blog because I could go on all day about this.

8. And then I would get all riled up and upset and hate people and their selfishness and their narrow-mindedness and their sense of entitlement and their inadequate upbringing and how we should just do away with them.

9. You see how I can't let go of these things? I resolve to let go of these things in the next year. Just as soon as my eye stops twitching.

10. That, and finish my novel.


What about you? Got resolutions? If you have a blog post about it, or if you're inspired to write one, add the URL of that specific post to the Linky widget below. And then go and read some other posts in the list.

We'll be here all week taking submissions. Feel free to grab a campaign button and tell your friends about it.

And here's a bonus! You can not only link up here, but you can also link up over at Mama's Losin' It when she hosts her link up day on Thursday, New Year's Eve. 

PLEASE NOTE: The Simply Linked widget is for bloggers participating in the New Year's Resolutions campaign. If you just want to leave a comment, go past the Simply Linked widget and comment away!