There I was, barreling down Highway 50 west in Sacramento, approaching the crazy downtown freeway interchange where I’m about to switch to Highway 99 south. This requires complete mental focus. You can’t be on the cell phone. You need both hands. You need flexible neck muscles for checking, double-checking, and triple checking that blind spot. [...]
Posts under ‘bugs’
Oh Yeah? How Long Has It Been Since YOU Took a Bath?
I haven’t taken a bath since the sixth grade which, I realize, sounds gross and all but you’re my peeps and I figure I can tell you just about anything (except for that thing last year with the cop and the algae and the 437 rolls of bubble wrap - I’m not ready to talk [...]
They Prefer To Be Called "Little Bugs"
Yes, we went to Hawaii last month, but that was for my Dad who walks real slow, is virtually blind from diabetes, and masticates for a minimum of a hundred minutes at each meal. And then has the audacity to complain (jokingly… sort of..) about how there wasn’t enough food. I left Hawaii after ten [...]
The Thing That Wouldn’t Die
This past weekend, the blogosphere was resplendent with horror stories. Creatures everywhere invaded our homes. Maggie Dammit had bats in her belfry.Sprite’s Keeper wrote a letter to the spider in her house.JD at I Do Things has a mouse in the house. Somewhere. Maybe under the refrigerator.Chat Blanc has a wasp. Today I present a [...]
There’s Never a Hero Around When you Need One
It was midnight in Los Angeles. Time to hit the hay. Man, was I sleepy. I was just about to descend the stairs when I realized I was eye-level with Franz Kafka’s main character in The Metamorphosis clinging to the stairwell ceiling. It was a monster, I tell you! My first thought was OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD HE’S [...]
Bugs: They’re Not Just For Breakfast Anymore
We have a couple of Tarmac strips in our little town called Sacramento International Airport, although the “International” part of it may as well have quotes around it. OK, I guess there is a flight to Guadalajara now and again. Not that I have anything against Guadalajara - I mean, who doesn’t want to order [...]
Dear Termite: Congrats on that Bug Of The Year Award
Doesn’t it seem like only yesterday when I was showing you all the bugs I had in the house? Hey, how many of you remember this picture from six months ago? Yeah, that was when it was our turn to be the neighborhood pariah, kinda like in the 70s when your kid got lice or [...]
Giant Metamorphosis
I was nearly mauled by this monster yesterday while deforesting the back forty:(Click on pics to enlarge, unless you scare easily.) Those logs he towers over may look like mere pine needles… But do not be fooled by the optical illu- … oh wait. Those are just pine needles. But that would mean that this [...]
It’s a Bug’s Death
By now you’re probably wondering, “Hey whatever happened to that Termite Countdown?” Well look no further because we are now in Vikane Country! I rather like the sound of that. I think I will consider Vikane Country as the title of my next novel.
Bug Month
To those of you who have been pestering me for the next installment of the soap opera lovingly referred by cult fans as “General Waspital”, I heartily say: “Alright already! Keep your pants on.” After four weeks of watching paint dry, I mean, the wasps cling to the wall of my L.A. condo, unmoving, hibernating, [...]
